Oh the weather!!! I woke up this morning wondering where I was - the bedroom blind was still down, there was no sign of C, and I could hear Romilly up and about. That is NOT what I normally wake up to...no wonder it threw me.
C was up early as The Ryder Cup started this morning - and as I've mentioned before how absolutely rubbish I am at getting up without a lot of 'encouragement' he'd left me there! The Romilly thing was soon explained - she is going to drive down to Bournemouth to visit a friend whose birthday is today and who has just moved down to Uni. She was so excited at this prospect that she was up early to pack the car and have a talk from Pa about driving, using TomTom and general 'be careful' stuff like that. I was not a happy bunny. I really struggle to come to terms with how independent and confident our daughter is - she is nothing like I was when I was her age (which is a good thing) and makes these random arrangements without worry or concern (which is also a good thing - for her anyway). This might all seem clearer when I explain what an absolute and complete woos I am about driving on the mainland - I hate it, it scares me, and I avoid it whenever possible! I have managed to drive to a cottage in Dorset (following C on his motorbike) and Ikea in Southampton twice (both times with Rom in the car watching for signs). Anything further afield frankly fills me alarm - imagine how I felt when we picked Bruce (Rom's car) up from Birmingham and I had to drive back to the Island on my own (although following C, it was very easy to lose him in the motorway traffic). Now that Rom has successfully driven on the mainland, at the ripe old age of 18, I have no valid reason for refusing to do it without looking a poor wimp compared to my daughter!!!
The weather has been absolutely awful today - right from the word go. The Ryder Cup was rained off after a short time, and looking out the window it wasn't much better here. We lit the log fire to cheer us up - it's always nice and cosy - and watched stuff on the Sky planner. Even Fleur turned her nose up at the weather and stayed indoors...
So here we are, seven weeks to the day since C was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and we finally get an appointment with an oncologist. This was with Dr Madhava, who comes over to the Island every other Thursday, to hold a clinic at St Mary's. It's all down to Sonya, our Macmillan Nurse, that we got to see him this time around or it could have been another fortnight wait - not something I think we could have contemplated - plus she got blood test results and the biopsy results organised in time so Dr M could have them to hand. Our appointment was at 9.30am; being punctual, as we always are, we arrived in plenty of time (9.17 according to the car park ticket) and found the Outpatients Department, checked in, and waited. And waited, and waited and waited. Forty-five minutes later (so now it's 10.15) one of the nurses called us and put us in a side room - which had two chairs and an examination couch in it, so we weren't too sure where to sit; was C supposed to bet on the couch??? - where we waited again...for another 15 or 20 minutes while Dr M was on the phone (which incidentally we could hear).
Then he came in and we had to go over the whole history of how the problem came to light, C's symptoms, what he's had so far in terms of scans etc (is this not all in his file?????)...and then Dr M's phone rang and he went off to take the call. At this point I'm starting to feel like I'm in some sick comedy show, where you sense there is bad news, but no-one is taking it seriously and things keep happening to avoid you being told...get the idea? We can even hear the nurses outside the door talking about what they did last night/are doing tonight/will do at lunch time etc, which puts a weird commonplace slant on the whole situation. Dr M comes back - having had a fairly in-depth discussion about a patient's treatment, all of which we could hear as the door was open this time (bit worrying that he was saying they couldn't try a certain treatment as the funding wasn't there - felt sorry for the chap he was talking about) - and thankfully Sonya arrived too. The upshot is that Southampton General are not happy about doing the nephrectomy (removal of the kidney) due to the spread to liver and lung, so there are two options: (1) embolization, which involves cutting off the blood supply to the tumour or (2) crack on with chemotherapy to eradicate the spread and see if this will also reduce the tumour. Having sat around for seven weeks we opted for (2), which seemed to be the choice of Dr M and also Southampton General. So there we are - we finally have a plan! We've got an appointment to go up to the Chemo Unit on Monday afternoon to have some 'education' on the treatment, and also to hopefully pick up the drugs so we can get cracking.
Home again in the autumn sunshine; so glad that the weather was nicer as it does lift your spirits! I went off to meet up with Hannah and Tina before choir, and Rom was home with C, with No 2 expected later on, as usual - chip shop dinner tonight I think!!
Met with Hannah, but Tina got delayed after a meeting at the school she works at, and having to coax a pupil back in!! We ordered her meal and she managed to put it away and have a quick drink in record time before we had to go!! Hope she didn't get indigestion...
Choir was amazing - we tackled 'Gaudete' for the first time, and it sounds great!! I think that fact that it's in Latin has thrown a few people, but if we can manage to nail an eight part, unaccompanied version of Over the Rainbow, and perform it in a national competition in front of a theatreful of people and three judges, I guess we can do practically anything!!! There are some lovely pieces we're doing for the Christmas concert - Hannah has also suggested that we resurrect 'Santa Baby' from last year; I'm in two minds about this! On the one hand it is a good 'comedy' piece, with five of us dressed in tacky Santa costumes, fishnet tights and what Vicki calls 'FMBs' (I had no idea what that meant...but basically it's black boots; work the acronym out yourself!) doing a few choreographed moves. On the other, we've done it once and I'm wondering if we can do it again with the same 'panache' as last time!!!!! Time will tell...and we've recruited Hayley as Claire Q left recently and she was one of the originals. Yes folks, there's something for everyone in these concerts!!!!
Went to the pub afterwards and spent a great hour or so catching up with peeps and generally relaxing and winding down. We are becoming a regular feature on Thursday nights down there - I'm not sure we're always that popular though, as we take over a large table which they've already set up for meals, so by the time we leave they have to do it again...which frankly must be so onerous for them, laying out knives and forks and serviettes.....meow!!!
The heavens opened today - heavy rain which looked set for the day; this put a damper on any activity outside of home really, so we spent most of the morning pootling around the house doing odd jobs, which wasn't very rewarding.
C got onto the GP surgery as we realised, after a prompt from Esplanade, that he hasn't been signed off sick! Not something we'd thought about really, but I supposed that as he is on the payroll there, they do need formal confirmation that he's unable to work; bizarre how it never crossed our minds. So he spoke to the very nice Dr Hesse, who asked C how he was doing and making sure that he has what he needs; he always gets quite emotional when anyone shows concern about his welfare - I guess this is because he is so used to being the one doing the asking that it's difficult to be on the other end of it! So he arranged to collect the sick certificate later.
I meanwhile had arranged to meet up with a couple of friends/colleagues - Kate and Siobhan - who I haven't seen in a good few weeks. I am admin support for Kate and Siobhan when I am at work; Kate however has been off sick herself since the end of May, having been diagnosed with breast cancer, which thankfully she is now coming through successfully. She's a very hands on and busy person, and hugely supportive of those close to her, which is amazing considering what she has and is going through. She and Siobhan have been friends for a long time, and I always love being around them as they are so upbeat, supportive, encouraging and generally all round lovely. Kate made some amazing soup, and delicious houmus, so we sat around for a good few hours catching up and putting the world to rights. I left there feeling well nourished in more ways than one!! We're going to try and meet up more regularly in the next few weeks, for I am really thankful and grateful - they are both really busy and I feel very blessed that they have time for me. Thank you girlies xx
The rain was just as bad as ever when I left - I am really noticing the difference driving a car which is much lower than Gregory the Vitara was; I seem to attract a lot of passing spray from lorries, buses etc, which I presume is normal!! I'm just not used to it I guess.
C was starting to feel a bit anxious about our appointment tomorrow; your mind does tend to wander a bit when you're not occupied enough, and it's easy to imagine all sorts of scenarios (usually bad when you're feeling down). He's had a bit of discomfort again today - thankfully it's nothing horrendously painful, but he does notice it a bit nowadays. It's amazing to think how well he's coping - he has this large tumour where his right kidney used to be, and all he's taking is paracetamol!! He barely complains about it, and just tries to get on as normal - which is exactly how it should be really (don't want to let this cancer take over) but I do worry that he's being a bit too brave at times and perhaps putting up with more than he should. He's very 'old school' about pain - grin and bear it - so it's a job to get him to 'give in' when it's clear he should. More nagging in the weeks to come methinks....
It's amazing how quickly time seems to go by in some respects, but so slowly in others! It's Tesco day again, which has come round quickly - I never relish the thought of spending all that money just to realise that next week it will all have disappeared and I'll have to do it again! We had a bit of a pensive moment in the car - our appointment with the doctor on Thursday is preying on C's mind; he has never been someone with an idle mind and his illness has his mind whirling like the proverbial dervish most of the time. Trouble is that he takes a thought and runs all the way with it, practically deciding what the outcome is before we even get there. It's not a good process, but we had to talk it out and confront the (hopefully remote) possibility that we get bad news. I realise I have to keep him upbeat and positive, but dealing with a little reality now and then has to happen, we can't blinker ourselves to what this disease can do. Anyhow, we got there okay, lifted our chins and got on with the shopping - ironically to be confronted with someone C knows slightly (an ex customer of his from when he worked at the garage) telling us about how he was given three years to live (in 1995 so that was a good bit!) and what he's done to still be here today - bit of a downer on the one side as that is what C is confronting (a life threatening illness) but good on the other because this guy is still around despite what the docs told him. Thankfully C got the view of the light at the end of the tunnel and saw things in a positive way. I was really impressed - he is going through this horrible illness, has literally just got over a down spell in the car park, and coped so well with this guy's talk; hats off to my hubby!!
Didn't go mad with the shopping but my bank account is now over £100 lighter yet again!! I reconcile myself with the thought that there was a bottle of gin in there.....
We ventured out to Briddlesford Farm again today - the bread we'd bought there on Sunday was finished at breakfast today so we decided to get some more, and stop for coffee as well, while we were there. Very nice; must squeeze in a lunch there one day...On the way back home we got almost all the way back only to find that the road was closed off at the top of Bully's Hill. We parked the car in the viewpoint layby and walked down the road to get home, stopping to talk to the police guy on the way. Apparently a stretch limo had hit the bank and flipped onto its roof, so the recovery truck was there; thankfully there had been no passengers in the limo and the driver was not hurt. We decided to leave the car on the Down and collect it later.
Bren and Gem popped round this afternoon - Bren spent last weekend in Prague on a mate's stag do, which apparently went really well and they all had a great time; apart from getting back to the airport where Bren stood and watched the last bag going around the carousel...only to realise that it wasn't his.....Apparently they have now tracked it down and he should have it back before too long! Well at least he lost it on the way home, not the way there...the thought of spending all weekend in the same clothes, and underwear....not nice....!!!!
Went back up onto the Down to collect my car - C came too and parked up for a look off while I took the mutts on one of our favourite old routes, one we used to do on Sundays with my dad before he couldn't make it up hills any more. I haven't been up there in ages and it's really got overgrown now it was difficult to get through in places. Must go armed with a machete next time - kind of Kaz of the jungle type thing to clear a path!!!
I have a confession to make - I'm hooked on The Biggest Loser. Well, was hooked, as the series has finished now. I just love watching this programme because (a) it makes me feel REALLY thin and (2) it's amazing to see these people overcome their fears and problems to release the thin person they all know is inside them. Brilliant - the guy who won lost a total of 239lb - that's over 17 stone in weight. Amazing. It inspires me to keep walking, eating properly and not drinking too much - at least for a while....
Bit of a dip in mood today. Mornings are a bit of a struggle for C - when he's asleep he's obviously not thinking about how ill he is, but once the morning comes and he wakes up it hits him that he has cancer, and it can be a tough time to get positive and motivated - not every morning, some are worse than others, but we get there.
Jill and Arth popped in for a cup of tea - Jill brought over a book she'd found that C would enjoy, by a guy who was in Genesis before they were famous and who moved to a run down farm in Andalucia; it's the story of how he and his wife did the farm up, met the locals etc...something I'm sure lots of us dream about, an alternative lifestyle. (Especially right now).
Today we needed to get out and about - we'd spent too much time sitting around yesterday afternoon and evening, which doesn't do either of us any good mentally or physically - so an easy solution was to get a car picnic organised and get out. We took the mutts and all piled in the Land Rover. Luccombe Down (which I have called Ventnor Down previously but found out today I'd been wrong!) is a beautiful spot with fab views, so we headed that way. I got C to drop me and the mutts off at the car park by the Landslip tea rooms, and we marched across the road and up the near vertical slope; amazing views the higher you get up, but a lot less breath and energy with every step!!! My leg muscles got the workout of their life going up there...Sidney was charging around with his usual manic energy and disappeared ahead of me at one point - I whistled him back and he came charging out of the undergrowth at the top of the slope, only to realise that he was going downhill so fast he couldn't stop and skidded past me at a rate of knots...mad dog, but it made me hoot!!
On the topic of Landslip...there's a rock formation down there through which the footpath runs, which is called the Devil's Chimney. No 2 renamed this for eternity when he was younger however, as we used to go there with both boys quite a lot - the tea room was always a nice place to stop for ice cream etc, so No 2 would always ask if we could go back to the 'Devil's Nostril' if he was ever asked what he wanted to do. So, the Devil's Nostril it will remain!!!! Bit apt really, as it's very damp and green.....
Anyhow, we made it up to the top of the Down to find C parked up waiting for us - we had a wander along the top (it's easier for C to do level walking so he doesn't get too puffed) where Sidney had great fun darting about in the heather and bracken...he was pretty well camouflaged so see if you can spot him -
and then back for a car picnic - sandwiches made with the Briddlesford Bread, the pickled onions, and flask tea. Marvellous stuff - simple things really are the best, aren't they?
Rom was back tonight, so while C watched a film he'd recorded I spent an hour or so up with her doing girlie stuff. It's been a lovely day; C is happiest when he's doing something simple and it's enough of a distraction without being too tiring. I just hope I can manage to keep thinking of things like this to do so we can keep going.
We met up with Deb and Robin this morning, at Briddlesford Farm for breakfast. They have a lovely tea room/restaurant at the farm - Bluebells - and the food is amazing, and most of it's local or from the farm. I've been filling C up on cooked breakfasts for the past few weeks, so I think he really enjoyed having something a bit different today - he went for the sauteed potates with red onion, crispy bacon and fried egg on top, which means he missed out on the amazing toast they do there from a delicious multi grain and seed bread. I had a vegetarian cooked version of Robin's full English, and Deb opted for tomatoes and mushroom on toast - she doesn't like eggs; bizarre...nothing like a beautifully fried freshly laid egg to get you started in the morning!!! We went and had a browse in the farm shop afterwards; I bought some of the aforementioned bread, plus some local tomatoes (lovely to find those still in season) and some pickled shallots. Bit pricey, but once we'd tried it all out for lunch it was well worth it - that bread is AMAZING; I could go on about it but hey, it's bread, so I won't....
We also visited the calves in their pens - so sweet and only about six weeks old. I told each and every one of them that I would never eat them, or their parents, or their brothers and sisters. I did debate whether I could get one in the back of the Clio, to take home to keep in Chickoland; if we'd had the Land Rover with us well...who knows!!
C went off to meet up with Neil again at lunch time - this is getting to be a nice, regular break for him and he spent a good couple of hours out talking 'guy' stuff presumably. He always comes back much cheered up from seeing his mates. It makes me laugh when men go on about how much women talk - get two or more blokes together and they're set for hours talking about, well, general man crap I suppose - I've never hung around long enough, or stayed awake long enough, to find out!!
Dad didn't arrive over here this afternoon - he usually spends Sunday afternoon/evening with us. If he's not coming over he rings to let me know, but hadn't, so I called him - bit weird really, he said he wasn't feeling well and was staying out of the way; I was just curious why he hadn't told me....Ah well, off day I suppose.
No 2 had lent us a DVD - The Hangover - and I decided we'd watch it tonight. We both needed a bit of a lift (this waiting around for appointments thing is taking its toll at times) and although C was a bit dubious about the film he, and I, really enjoyed it. There are some very memorable, hilarious bits in it that I keep remembering and giggling about...oh that guy Alan, brilliant!!!!!
Romilly asked if we could have another bonfire tonight - apparently Daniel had been envious of that last one we had, that he couldn't come to, so she wanted to repeat the experience so he could be there. Good idea; weather seemed like it would hold so that was the plan for the evening. More on that later.
Talking of fires, we've started to light the log fire in the lounge recently as the evenings have been getting a bit chilly; saves putting the heating on! When our chimney sweep was here last autumn he'd advised us to burn a cleaning log at some point before the next sweep, as there is evidence of a build up of creosote up the flue. We've seen this when it trickles down occasionally in small chunks - it's very shiny and black, and brittle. So we went to the local Scats to buy this special log. C loves Scats - it's one of those weird mixes of garden, pet, household cleaning, outdoor clothing, shooting, building, home ware stores that is a favourite of his (another is Hursts). You can buy most things from a bag of shotgun cartridges to a large box of washing powder, and everything in between, including the patented Chimney Cleaning Log (or CCL to give it its 'technical' name). We had to have a wander around first though; you never know what you are going to find in that shop and it's a real treasure trove of weird and wonderful things - and I found a nice waxed hat which will be just right for my wet walks (hoods are really not flattering at the best of times, and believe me when my hood is done up tight I look like ET when he emerged from the wardrobe....)
We'd noticed a lot of cars parked up at Arreton Barns on the way - it transpired that it is Terrier Racing this weekend and clearly as the weather was so nice it was attracting a large crowd (it was apparently part of the 'Sweetcorn Fayre' there - funny stuff sweetcorn; it's the only food stuff I know that comes out the other end in the same format as it went in the top end, if you get my drift...what's the point in eating it really?) We debated what it would be like to put Sidney in for the racing - he's a fast mover but as he's very easily distracted, and takes umbrage at dogs that run faster than him (he tries to catch them and nip their legs to slow them down, as Archie, Bren and Gem's dog, has found to his cost) so it probably isn't a good idea. Nice to imagine him in a little coat with a number on though, like the greyhounds, or don't they do that with terriers????
We took in a waif and stray today, in the form of No 2 - Christopher Jr was at a loose end as his mates and brother were all on their way to Prague for one of the friends stag nights, but for various reasons he was unable to go with them. So he turned up here to watch the football with his Pa - I took myself up the garden to split some logs as it gets a bit wearing listening to those to shouting at the TV. Log splitting - there's a chore, another one C would have done but can't at the moment. There's nothing like swining a 6lb long handled axe over your head time and time again to eliminate bingo wings; and give you arm ache into the bargain. But I did persist with it and managed to get three more barrow loads into the log store. This is definitely one chore I'm going to have to do in stages...I think I'll have forearms like Popeye before too long!
Did the usual Culver Down walk with the mutts again - C came for the ride and sat in the Land Rover looking off. There were loads of people up there this afternoon, enjoying the sunshine, which is lovely for them but sadly it's hassle for me as Sidney just doesn't know what to chase first - he made his choice pretty quickly though, and it took all the air in my lungs to yell him to come back from chasing the little boy who was trying to launch his kite...
Chich (No 2 - I've explained about the nickname before haven't I?) was still at ours when we got back - he decided to stay for the bonfire extravaganza. I went up around 5.30 with the equipment - firelighters, matches, kindling; sausages, potatoes, foil, forks, sharp knives, salt, ketchup, mustart, kitchen roll - and got cracking with the fire. I love fires. I love watching them and listening to the crackling they make - there's something very 'home on the range' about cooking over an open fire too. Rom arrived back with further supplies - cold beer; you CANNOT have an open fire without cold beer, it's the law. Dan arrived soon after, with further supplies (result!) and we spent a lovely few hours sitting around, burning sausages and eating jacket spuds out of foil, playing silly games - one of which, the lyric game, proved hilarious as there were three different generations and genres of music fans so it proved difficult to find songs we could all remember!!!
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