D Day + 237 - Graduation!

Did you hear a huge bang in the region of East Midlands Airport today? That would be me, bursting with pride that my not so little girl graduated from cabin crew training today and got her wings! All her group were in their uniforms and looked so smart, it brought a tear to my eye when they called her nameand she went up to get herwings and certificate from her tutor!

It has been a long day and we've travelled quite a way but it was so very worth it for that moment; one of those forever moments that will be indelibly in our memories and what you wait for when you're a parent - they can be few and far between but are priceless.

Enough waffling now...I could go on and on but ee're on the ferry on the way home, shattered but happy and looking forward to having the girly home for a few days before she, quite literally, takes off.

D Day + 236: Update?

Hello again.  It's been a while.  I thought I'd post an update, even though, in terms of C, there is nothing much different to report!  In terms of his illness he is still battling on manfully, coping extremely bravely with the horrible drugs he has to take and coming through relatively cheerfully.  He finished cycle four a couple of weeks ago nearly and is almost back to 'normal', by which I mean C-BC (before cancer).  And on top of that he's trying to keep himself occupied during the day - which is a good sign because it means he's feeling well enough to be bored!!  We're all looking forward to the better, warmer weather, not least so that he can get out and about and potter without getting cold, wet or blown about by the wind.  Roll on....


News re Romilly - she graduates from her training with Thomson Airways tomorrow!! The five weeks have absolutely flown by (pardon the pun) and we are travelling up to East Midlands Airport (which is somewhere near Derby I think - my geography always was rubbish) to watch the 'wings ceremony' and generally blub like a couple of good uns.  Our little angel gets her wings...aah.


Work is still the same - unsettled and uninspiring - with less people as the weeks go by!! They're either leaving for new jobs or being moved into similar ones.  It won't  be long before the office is almost empty.  No idea how all the jobs are going to get done with so few people around....no doubt the admin fairies Mr Beynon clearly believes in will appear in the night and catch up on work while everyone's out of the office, for free obviously.  Yeah right.


It's been a hectic few weeks.  I'm not going to apologise yet again for not doing the blog; my life is whizzing around like a manic carousel right now and not only do I not have so much time to do this, but there honestly isn't really very much to report.  I could go back to blahing about everyday life but frankly that's not what this blog is about.  And I supposed really we should take it as a good thing that there's nothing to report - it means that C is, for the time being, doing well.  And that's an all too unusual positive right now.


:D

D Days 203 - 215: Thurs 3 March to Tues 15 March 2011

I realise that I am still woefully inept at doing this regularly, and the gaps between posts are ever increasing. Yet again I can only apologise and try to do better. But don't hold your breath...real life has an annoying habit of getting in the way of the best laid plans!

So, C...he is in the last week of this latest cycle of treatment and it's been tough going, more so than previously. He's struggled with it this time in terms of energy, stomach upsets and feeling the cold; we're not sure why this should be but I guess each cycle has brought slightly different issues and this is no exception. In his own inimitable, stubborn way he has soldiered on and made the best of it - well, as he rightly says, what else can you do? We've developed a philosophy of dealing with each day as it comes, and no more if we can help it, so each day starts with "Well, he's still here, still mobile, conscious and damn well fighting it, so off we go." some days are just harder than others and it takes a bit longer to get going. I'm telling you, if there were awards for determination he'd have my vote, no contest. He just keeps on keeping on.

We're kind of adjusting to Rom being away - it is strange not to hear her about the house, but I guess she had us semi trained anyway, being out so much! And thanks to the joys of Facebook, Skype and mobile phones she's never really too far away. She paid a surprise visit home on Saturday, something she and C had concocted between them - I had no idea she was coming back until I turned around on Saturday afternoon and there she was! It was a flying visit but so nice to see my baby again.

I realise now that I've lost the pattern of themes for each post. It's a bit difficult to think of any really, as there's so much going on and The gaps between posts mean I dont' remember so much. Also I'm typing this one up on the ipad and it's not easy....so I'll sign off now before my neck develops a crick and my forefingers melt, and try to post more news tomorrow....

D Days 191 - 202: Saturday 19 February to Wednesday 2 March 2011

Phew time flies.  So much has been going on that I've  barely had a chance to sit down and log in to the blog...as I expect you've noticed!!!

So where to start this post?  Well....Romilly I guess.  You know that back in January she was offered a job with Thomson/TUI Travel...well that start date crept round so quickly!  It's been a manic time since she got her start date that we've been trying to organise stuff ready for her to go.  Which has involved visits to college, shopping, ordering stuff, getting the car checked out (C's insistence), booking ferries, hotels etc etc.  Daniel organised a surprise evening meal for her, at which both sides of the families met up.  It was lovely - Dan's family are lovely people and I'm so proud and pleased that they've taken her in as one of them, as we have Dan, so it was nice to meet up as a group.  Rom didn't know anything about it (yes, for once, we got one over on her and she was speechless) and as she walked past the window she looked in and apparently thought "Ah, nice, someone's having a party."  Yes, you muppet, you are!!! She cried...ahhh!!!  That was the Sunday, and then of course half term was upon us..,

We had a bit of drama over half term week - not Rom, but my littlest nephew Toby.  Kealy had said he had been under the weather for a few days, and he had a lump on his leg which to start with she hadn't been to worried about, but it started to worry Toby and he seemed uncomfortable in using his leg.  She went to the GP, who said they'd refer to the paediatrician, but unfortunately Keaz was worried enough the next day to take him to A&E - and that's when the lightningly quick situation kicked off...they admitted Toby to the Children's Ward, did some tests etc and admitted they didn't know what it was...so they sent them over to Southampton General to get it looked at properly.  During the explanations they said there was a possibility that it could be an abcess, a cyst or a tumour...which of course scare you completely witless as you imagine, naturally so, that it's the worst.  A couple of days of high anxiety followed, plus a few days stay in Southampton, but thankfully it was only an abcess, he had an minor operation to drain it etc, and is now home safe and sound.  

While all this was going on Rom stepped up to the mark, along with Dan, and they were surrogate parents to Oli and Libby.  I'm not sure who enjoyed it more....but suffice it to say that they had a nice time together, and I know that Rom and Dan made Oli's tenth birthday as nice as they could, considering his parents couldn't get home for it.  I can't believe he's ten already.....

So all this drama hadn't left Rom an awful lot of time to get organised for leaving - including trying to see everyone before she went.  I was at work all week so didn't have much of a chance to help out, so spent the weekend laundering like a madwoman just so everything was clean in case she wanted to take it!!  We spent a nice evening at home on the Saturday before she left - ordered in a curry, had a few beers and sat watching some crap film on TV.  Nice and cosy...and then Sunday arrived and it all got a bit active!!  I got the big case down, she dashed off to get some last minute bits sorted out, then when she got back her brothers arrived to say farewell.  Finally she started putting things in the case in the afternoon and we seemed to be getting somewhere...and the pile of things to take started to grow.....I did a roast dinner, and Dan stayed, so they didn't have to say goodbye to each other until almost the last minute.  I have to confess that I didn't sleep all that well, knowing what the morning would bring...

And so to Monday.  The day our baby girl flapped her wings and flew the nest.  I was supposed to go on a training course but frankly I couldn't leave C to see her off alone, plus there was still stuff to sort out and I didn't want her to leave having spent the morning getting wound up.  So I stayed, we unpacked and then repacked the suitcase (Do you really need six black tops Rom?  Yes, apparently) and before I knew it the time had come to put stuff in the car...back seats had to go down to accommodate the huge suitcase (I have to confess it is mine, I bought it back in the summer to go to France, and it IS huge), the smaller suitcase full of shoes (well she is MY daughter), the large toiletries/cosmetics bag (again....) the mirror, the pile of electrical stuff (all essential - hairdryer, straighteners, mini straighteners), iron and ironing board (and there was me thinking she didn't even know what these were - now she's bought her own!!) and the food box I made up for her - well, come on, who knows when you might fancy a midnight pot noodle in a strange hotel?  And off she went - there were tears from all of us, much excitement too, and a little apprehension.  But generally I think we handled it quite well!  It was such a poignant moment watching her little car disappear down the lane, knowing she was off to a new phase in her life and would probably return at some point a changed young woman.  It was also a very very very proud moment for C and I as parents...I don't think I've ever been so chuffed I could burst, and so sad at the same time.


We've had a couple of phone calls and some text messages, plus the omnipresent Facebook contacts (which C now has as well  by the way).  All seems to be going well - she's made friends with some of the girls on the course, is tired but happy and seems to be thriving in her new role.


Bang....(there, I burst). :D
 

D Days 189 - 190: Thursday 17 to Friday 18 February 2011

Sorry for the delay with the update; I had a busy day yesterday!  

Well as you know, we went to see Dr Madhava yesterday afternoon for the results of the CAT scan.  It's a sad old state of affairs turning up in the Outpatients department, with the prospect that you might be getting bad news - they certainly don't believe in fripperies there, believe me; it's an unwelcoming atmosphere and a long, boring wait to be seen.  Somehow that doesn't fit right with the so-called 'patient care' that's supposed to be so important.  Anyhow, the clinic was running almost to time (by which I mean that we were only 25 minutes late, instead of 45) and as usual we were shown into the depressing, windowless clinical side room where he seems to prefer to see his patients.  This time there was only one chair, so I perched on the examination couch while C had a look at the wheelchair scales parked on their side in the corner.  Lovely.  In comes Dr M, shakes C's hand and offers it to me, limp and warm, to shake, which I do because it's polite, even though he's clearly not bothered whether I do or not.  But this is all padding, so I'll get to it....


...basically the upshot is that the news is okay.  The treatment C's been on since November has shrunk the main tumour slightly, and there doesn't appear to be any spread.  Some of the attachment to his liver has been reduced and his bones are clear.  So the drug seems to have done some good, and it's holding the cancer at bay.    All good news, considering it could have gone the other way.  So we're cautiously optimistic.  Now, trying to ask Dr M any questions once he's delivered the news you came for is not easy...at this point he starts to back towards the door as he clearly thinks he's done his bit and is keen to leave.  He has put C on another month's cycle, during which time he (Dr M) is apparently going to discuss the case with the Southampton team (remember all those months ago when they were mooting surgery as an option?  Well that might be on the cards) to see what they think.  I asked what the benefits of that are as I wasn't sure - if the kidney is dead (as the biopsy in October showed 'necrotic tissue') then is it doing any harm leaving it there?  What I wanted to know was, is it worth C going through major, invasive, traumatic surgery and post-op recovery if it's not going to make much difference or improve things dramatically.  Dr M wasn't sure and said we'd have to wait to see what the Southampton team thought.  I was reluctant to do down the positive news we'd had and left it at that, and Dr M managed to sidle through the door, having given us the prescription for more treatment, and another blood test form.

And so that was that.  Good news really.  Although as things are still in limbo - we have to go back in six weeks time - I'm wary of jumping up and down and celebrating too much.  I know only too well from bitter experience that it's best to be cautious about these things so you don't end up being let down even more than you might have been.  But it has given C a lift, the realisation that he's done so well, has fought this thing tooth and nail and it has done some good.  The kids were chuffed obviously, as was Jill, so it means that life will go on as it has done, for a few weeks more at least.

We're off to the mainland tomorrow - he's decided he wants to buy a Land Rover Discovery and has found one in Stoke Mandeville, so off we go tomorrow.  Hope the weather's nice.

D Days 183 - 188: Friday 11 to Wednesday 16 February 2010 - 188 Days Have Led To This

Hmm, first time I've put a title in the title other than the day count.  Reason?  Because ever since we found out C has cancer, all days have led to tomorrow - the day we find out whether the treatment he's been having is working.  It's all come down to tomorrow's appointment with Dr M, the oncologist - whether it's worked and we continue, or it hasn't and...well you can fill in the blanks.  I've really felt it the last week or so and the stress of waiting for tomorrow has got to me.  To his immense credit C has coped much better - stoically saying that "What will be, will be" and not getting himself wound up about it.  I've done enough of that for both of us anyway!  It's difficult to know how to feel about the outcome...if the treatment is working, then it should continue, which is great and will buy C more time but at the cost of his health for four weeks out of every six.  I guess that the alternative is so much more bleak that this option seems definitely preferable.  So we'll see....

Things have plodded on as usual other than this waiting game.  Romilly is putting things in place for her anticipated move to the mainland (something else I'm getting stressed about) and is knuckling down to do the necessary to finish her college course so she can get her full qualification.  C, being off treatment, has been out and about more, catching up with former work colleagues, family and chores - he even felt well enough to wield his chainsaw at his sister's today!  Unfortunately the weather has meant that he hasn't been out as much as he'd like but hopefully that will change.  The garden is starting to come to life now, and the bulbs I planted last October are starting to shoot; this small thing is so meaningful, as when I bought those bulbs last September C wasn't sure he would be here to see them bloom...well he is, and it's a major notch in his belt of achievement fighting this cancer.  Crocuses never looked so beautiful....

Meanwhile things on the choir front are hotting up; there are lots of 'gigs' coming up which means going over former repertoires as well as learning the new one for the July concert.  We are entering the Ventnor Music for Fun Festival again, which is at the beginning of March, and also have quite an exciting concert in mid April with a well known singer....details to follow on that as I've been told they haven't officially been released yet so it has to stay hush hush!!

Romilly and I spent a nice girly Saturday afternoon doing what we do best - shopping!! It was annual bra shopping day and she's the best person to take along - not only is she very good at helping me choose non-granny underwear, but she can also nip out and find different sizes as necessary (amazing how much boob size can fluctuate according to which bra type you go for....)  This year's 'in' bustenhalter is the balcony - no, not anything to do with the tacky nightclub on Ryde seafront, but a very nice design which hauls everything into the middle and up slightly, where it used to be when I was young, thin and pre-motherhood.  Very pretty and comfy, and nicely reminiscent of my younger days, with just a little  more engineering to get the same effect!!!  Of course these days it's all about matching top and bottom, so it's time for an underwear cull or my drawer won't close...but enough about that now.  Probably TMI!


My lovely curly haired friend Lis left work today - she's sat opposite me at work for the last two years and has been a breath of fresh air in the office.  She is always upbeat, bubbly, cheerful, cracks the most awful jokes you can't help laughing at, declared she's not racist whilst having little digs at foreigners, and generally been the kindest, most supportive workmate you could wish for.  She's been a fabulous tower of strength to me over the last six months and things won't be the same without her.  It was sad to see her go, but I know she's better off choosing to go now so she ends up in a job she wanted, rather than waiting for the axe to fall from The Poison Dwarf himself and be forced into something just to earn a wage.  Good luck to her, and fate help the rest of us!


I had a migraine today.  First one in months (last time I had one was on the choir tour at the beginning of August, which I think was due to being over tired and drinking too much!)  Today's was as bad a headache as I've had for years; analgesics didn't touch it and it took the best part of the morning for me to be able to open my eyes properly and not feel like throwing up.  I couldn't go home - I didn't want to miss saying goodbye to Lis - so I stuck it out and eventually had to go and sit in my car for a cat nap to try and relieve it.  It went eventually...but I guess it's a sign that everything I've got going on right now is just getting too much.  Hopefully after tomorrow I'll have a better idea of where we are with C's illness, and can at least have a plan for one part of my life, his life, and our kids.  Fingers crossed.

D Days 179 - 182: Monday 7 to Thursday 10 February 2010

It's been a bit of a week.  For me that is anyway.  And I'm getting so bogged down in the negative things that's it's getting harder to be positive.  Something to do with the moon?  Or is it just that all this is finally starting to wear me down?

C's been a bit better this week, having finished the third cycle of treatment.  He perks up within a couple of days of finishing and is so much more energised, positive and active.  Which is a good thing really because I think I've imploded slightly, and I'm the one that needs the propping up!

My work situation is still hanging in the balance, which means that speculation is still rife as to what's going to happen to us.  And when you get an office full of women speculating about something...well you can just imagine how that conversation goes.  Romilly has also had details through about her training with Thomson, so that's completely thrown me and I'm starting to fret about her going, and how it's all going to be for all of us.    Add into the mix the upcoming appointment with the oncologist next Thursday for the results of C's scan.....that's a recipe for one mixed up Karen!!

I'm going to have to apologise that I don't have anything very positive or interesting to post.  But I guess that was bound to happen one day.  There just isn't anything to report...it's all mundane and very much in limbo.

I suppose one small 'up' is that my fitness is increasing, thanks to the lovely Bob and The Biggest Loser Challenge I'm doing on the Wii...so I suppose physically I'm in much better shape than I've been for a while.  It's so ironic that mentally and emotionally I'm a bit the worse for wear!  C'est la vie....

D Days 173 - 178: Tuesday 1 February to Sunday 6 February 2011

Hi all, from me at the desk with our new computer!!!  It's so nice to be able to type and have the text appear on the screen at the same time, and to not have to go off and make a cup of tea while the damn thing boots up!!  Marvellous thing it is now, and I love how fast it is...the old one is shortly to be consigned to the great computer graveyard (wherever that is) - which is fortuitous for it as I was quite prepared to take a sledgehammer to the damn thing...

So February is upon us.  It seems weird when I type the 'D Day' number at the beginning of each post, it keeps on going up and just reminds me of how much time has gone past since the first post.  

Tuesday was Scan Day.  Poor C wasn't allowed to eat anything in the morning, so after having a fairly hefty supper on Monday night it was fasterama, and I joined him as moral support.  Well it wouldn't have been fair to sit there tucking into eggs on toast while he nursed a glass of water, would it!!  We had to get up there an hour before his appointment, so we turned up at 9am and he had to spend the next hour drinking a whole jugful of white fluid which, he told me, tasted like peaches.  It had been quiet in the X Ray Department when we first got there, but soon started to get busy and by the time he went in for the scan at 10am the waiting room was full.  25 minutes later he emerged, none the worse for wear, and we set off for Briddlesford Farm for a cooked breakfast...and it has never tasted so good!!!  And that was the afternoon C went and bought the new PC...after dragging me round PC World for an hour or so to look at all the things he'd been drooling over a couple of days earlier.  Particularly the new Apple computer - no, that's not what he bought, even I  baulked at spending £1000 on a computer...but I think I did a pretty good job at feigning interest.  I just can't get that excited about technological gadgets (apart from when they go wrong and I want to throw them out of the window, that's pretty exciting) - I would compare it to me taking C around an LK Bennett superstore and seeing how excited he gets about different types of shoe....nuff said methinks.

Work has been fairly quiet, with ongoing confusion and speculation about what the hell is going to happen to all of us.  Quite frankly it's anybody's guess, and when the Council powers that be keep doing u-turns as they are (Floating Bridge charges par exemple) it's different from one day to the next.  The only consistency is their inconsistency and the fear and demoralisation they manage to spread...no change there in the last few years then.

C's finished this third cycle of treatment now, thankfully.  It's been a bit of a slog this time as he's been on his own for more than before, and it's difficult to get yourself up and at 'em when you feel well below par and there's no-one there with you.  It remains to be seen what the next step is.  Something for another day I think.


Choir went well on Thursday night - we seem to have got the hang of most of The Lady in Red...and for good measure we blasted out an off the cuff Over the Rainbow which, I have to say, sounded remarkably good considering the fact that we haven't sung it for months.  Great morale boost.


Romilly went to London on a college trip the other day and, as they had some free time, managed to track down a Primark - I swear that girl could sniff out a bargain store from miles away....On this occasion she bought what she calls a 'onesie'.  Now I didn't know what this is...so she put it on to show me.  And basically it's an adult babygro.  18 years ago I was putting her in these things for bedtime, and now she's buying her own.  How things come full circle!! I was upstairs just now and popped my head around her bedroom door, to see her in her onesie laid on the bed watching TV, and Fleur stretched out next her facing the other direction.  The funniest bit about this is that Rom's onesie is leopard print...so they looked like bookends!!!!!!
 

D Days 168 - 172: Thursday 27 January to Monday 31 January 2011 - Family Stuff

Evening all.

Well there's been lots going on again.  I'm losing track, as ever, with what I've posted about and what I haven't; I just can't seem to hold much in my head anymore.  Little surprise there I think....

Thursday was choir night again, second one last week as we did an extra on Monday.  This time we tackled another new piece for us - The Lady in Red - for which Hannah has done an arrangement (which means she's written harmonies in four parts for the different sections).    It took some getting down to I can tell you....still, once we've had a few stabs at it I'm sure it will, as ever, sound lovely - you'll have to let me know in July....

Friday I finished workd early as I was a bit worried about C - he's struggled with this round of treatment, feeling particularly tired and cold again, with the added downer of having a very acidy stomach.  It's taken it out of him a bit this time I think, and he had to retire to bed on Friday lunchtime as he was so cold and tired.  I came home early afternoon to find him tucked up in the back bedroom with Sidney, watching something on tv.  He clearly needed to rest up, so that's where he stayed (once I'd managed to prise him out, get him into a warming bath and change the bedding before he got back in again) and it did him good - his BP was as low as it's been for a while and the next morning he felt much more rested.  But it was worrying.

Romilly has been offered a contract for a job with TUI - which means she will have to move to Luton to be near their base at the airport there.  I had been rather blase about her getting a job up there, thinking we had time to get used to it, she'd have to finish college etc etc; but no, they want her to start on 1 March - a mere four weeks away - and suddenly it's all very real and scary (for me).  I never once in all her 18 years contemplated Empty Nest Syndrome happening this early.  But I guess nothing's as it used to be, so come on life, chuck another change at me why don't you...I'm getting used to them!

We spent a fairly quiet weekend at home - I catch up on chores and things now I don't have so much spare time in the week - which was a good thing as C has been struggling (see above) and was feeling really rather low and tearful.  This doesn't happen very often, so when he does get like that it's a bit of a jolt for me; he does need to let it out now and then, releasing the fear and anxiety about his situation...and this seemed to be the time.  Bearing in mind what's going on in our lives right now quite frankly I'm surprised the pair of us aren't in bits more often - not only are we dealing with his life threatening illness (because let's face it, that's what it is in its barest terms), but my job (and therefore the majority of our livelihood) is under threat, and now Romilly is moving away; add onto that the fact that we have the scan tomorrow (remember, the one they told us over three months ago that he'd need to have to check out how the treatment is going - where the hell did those three months go?????) and then a review meeting with the oncologist on 17 February.  So there it is; crunch time is approaching.  I did wonder if it was worth trying to see the oncologist sooner, but as C said, what's the point?  We'll find out soon enough what's happening, two weeks isn't going to make all that much difference one way or another.

We were having a discussion in the office today about my situation - and the girls asked me what medical and/or professional support I have to deal with all this.  And I told them honestly - absolutely none.  Nothing.  I have no-one checking on us, offering us help, monitoring how things are going, suggesting ways to deal with the ups and downs, side effects.  It's all down to me and C - we're doing this on our own, together.  Just as we always do.  So in a way we're lucky - we have each other to talk to, shout at, moan at, cry on...some people have to go through this alone.  Be grateful for small mercies has never been more relevant, nor the fact that even when things seem so bad, there is always someone worse off than you.  Even us. 

D Days + 165, 166 & 167: Monday 24 January to Wednesday 26 January 2011

I am still struggling to fit a full time job into my life; I don't know how I did it before without drowning in chores...add into the equation that I am trying to do regular, consistent exercise every day and it seems like trying to squeeze an elephant into a mini, which sounds like the cue for a joke but I can't think of one!!  It's also hard to still try to do something for me which isn't work and isn't chores, as there is precious little enough time for me to be at home anyway, and getting to do anything else makes me feel bad for leaving C alone, again.   I'm up at 6am to do exercise, off to work for 8.15am, doing the day and trying to accrue flexi hours for when I need to take time off for hospital appointments with C, then chores or choir, then trying to get in enough sleep....ho hum.

C's been a bit naughty today - makes him sound like a small boy, but really I have just had to tell him off; he hasn't eaten properly today and consequently was running out of steam big time and had an upset stomach.  To be fair to him, we are running low on supplies (yet another downside to me not being at home enough), but the fact that he was a piggy over crumpets for lunch didn't help - yes he was, he had crumpets for lunch and nothing else, and to top it all he had the cheek to ring me at work and taunt me with the fact!!!!  Hot, buttered crumpets - fair made my  mouth water, but clearly he got his comeuppance!!

Poor Rom has come home in a bit of a tizz as she and her college class got a wigging from their tutor; I obviously wasn't there, but if what she says is true (and why wouldn't it be) it sounds like her tutor has seriously lost the plot - ticking them off like a bunch of naughty eight year olds.  She was apparently saying they had no respect for her - well quite frankly I think the way she apparently spoke to them and generally dealt with the situation leaves a lot to be desired and shows them precious little respect either.  I feel a letter to the principal coming on....

Yesterday there was an accident on the dual carriageway in Newport, our own tiny little bit of 'motorway'.  It was serious enough that they had to close it in both directions, which resulted in the whole town becoming gridlocked at rush hour.  I mention this because, unusually and unfortunately I was in Newport yesterday afternoon, and it took me two and a half hours to get from Newport, out of Newport, and home.  I left the car park at 4.15 and got home at 6.45.  Not fun; I was not happy, and this was not made any more bearable by the events in Silent Witness, one of my favourite programmes.  Dr Harry was apparently killed in Budapest; now I love Dr Harry, I know he's not real, but I love him anyway and he's mainly the reason I watch the show (it is good, but nothing draws me to it more than Tom Ward's fantastically stubbly lantern jawline).  I felt really low after that and couldn't cope with watching Part 2.  So I didn't, but C did and told me I should watch it.  But I couldn't; well not until tonight anyway, when all was revealed and the lantern-jawed one reappeared large as life and twice as stubbly as part of some elaborate plot to get to the bottom of a sinister Hungarian baby trafficking scenario.  I must get out more - oh wait, no, I don't have time (see paragraph 1).

More debating in the office this afternoon about how the Council is going to manage to run all the services we support with so fewer staff (again, I would refer the reader to my 'how to get an elephant into a mini' conundrum which is very similar).  The news of last year's spending sticks in the craw just a tad too, bearing in mind that we're all at risk of redundancy or, at best, being forced into applying for jobs we don't really want just so we don't lose our redundancy payouts - the new of one of the Directors being paid £380,000 for two years work (which he charges the Council from his own company) quite frankly makes me sick.  Fat Cats just doesn't cover it mate.

 

D Day + 164 - Sunday 23 January 2011

C was out to breakfast this morning - back in that routine with his mate Neil, now that Christmas/New Year/illness is out of the way, and I'm glad as he really enjoys their catchup and a chance to get out of the house.  Good food there too, which is a bonus - they go to Bluebells at Briddlesford Farm, and if he remembers C brings back one of their fantastic wholemeal multiseed loaves, which I then work my way through over the next couple of days!

So while he was out, and Romilly had stayed over at Dan's last night so wasn't back yet, I spent the morning doing some workouts from the new game(?) I got for the Wii.  I think I've told you about my fascination with The Biggest Loser (on which, I might add, I am still hooked and still watch it...but the British version is nothing like as good as the US one in my opinion), well this new game(?) is their challenge thingy, which has loads of workout routines and monitoring system thingys to get you moving and fitter.  This Wii thing has been an amazing investment, and is proving to be really useful as well as fun - as long as I can keep it up!! Apparently if you don't do well enough or log in regularly enough it chucks you out, just like in the TV programme, and you have to start again!! So in my four week programme I signed up for, I am two days down, and tomorrow they've lined me up for a 50 minute box-light (whatever that is) workout - so in order to fit this in and not incur the wrath of Bob and Jillian (perish the thought) I'm going to have to get up at 6am to get this done.  Start as you mean to go on....

Once this was out of the way, and C was back, I cracked on with the laundry...again.  I don't know if we're unusual, but we seem to produce a mountain of laundry every week; which in its turn produces a mountain of ironing which sadly can languish in the basket atop the fridge for weeks, until we either (a) run out of clothes or (b) want to wear something that's in it.  And it's a devil of a job to get anything dry in this horrible damp January weather - I am a firm line-dry fanatic, and think there's nothing nicer with laundry than that it smells of fresh air; I resort to the tumble drier only as a last ditch effort to get things dry.  Consequently I've done loads of loads (!), most of which is dry, ironed and put away, but some of which is now draped unceremoniously on airers and chair backs in the dining room.

Bren came round this afternoon after work, and we got talking about his upcoming nuptials (well, it's in September, but that's not long really in terms of planning the whole thing).  It seems that the issue of the top table may have been worrying him - in this day and age although it's not unusual to have extended families due to remarriages etc, the old tradition still stands firm (as it rightly should) and I think he was concerned about me/C being upset about it.  Which neither of us are, we don't do the petty issues really - the day is about Bren and Gem, and celebrating their wedding; seating plans and who is important just isn't, well, important!  So I think we managed to convince him that C should be on the top table, sat next to Gem's mum, and Bren's mum would be up there sitting next to Gem's dad.  All right and proper (which also means that I can sit at a table nearby, with Rom and other family peeps, and make fun of C sitting up there in front of everyone!!!! Hehehehe!!!!)  We also discovered Spotify, thanks to Bren who has been compiling an amazing music playlist for the wedding (I want it, it's brilliant).  I foresee hours of fun for C compiling lists of his own favourite music....

C's midway through this cycle of treatment now, and it's starting to be a struggle for him.  Discomfort is kicking in and I know he's toughing it out but it's a job to know how to reassure him and try to alleviate any negative thoughts.  Trouble is that we just don't know what's going on in there, so speculation can get pretty rife; best thing is not to think about it and put it down to overeating/undereating, wrong food, not enough water, too much moving about, sitting wrong, blah blah da da.  It's hard to stay positive about it all when he's this uncomfortable - roll on the damn scan so we can at least know what, if anything, has changed.  I've run him a nice deep foamy bath, which is where he is right now while I type this, to try and get him to relax and warm up (yep, the cold is a problem again).

And so the weekend is over, and Monday looms large and ugly.  I may not get a chance to blog tomorrow as I'm on a course all day and have choir practice in Cowes at 7pm; fingers crossed I get back to you on Tuesday, and that I remember what's happened in the meantime!!

Love to all and thanks for reading.

K x

D Days 142 to 163: 2011 up to Saturday 22 January

Hello!!!!  Happy New Year - which I know is a bit belated.  Have you missed us?

It's been a frantic three weeks really, and so much has happened I'm going to have to give it to you 'in a nutshell' and try to get up to date!  I don't really know where to start!

I suppose the main thing is that I've gone back to work; it had to happen, and it felt like the right time as everyone was returning after the Christmas break, it's a new year, C was well and coping, so back I duly went on Tuesday 4 January.  It wasn't easy; I've been used to waking up late, sitting in bed with C playing Scrabble on the ipad, very late breakfasts (you get the picture) so it came as a shock to the system to have to get up at 6.30 and be ready to leave the house at 7.45...so of course I didn't, and I went in later than usual on the first day back; but since then I've reverted to my old routine and it's scary how easy it has been to do that.  It was horrible to leave C that first morning, and it's not easy even now - he's not used to being alone at home and I do worry that he will get bored and dwell on things; but I guess we'll never know how either of us will cope unless we try it.

Things at work are not good; I have missed the girls in the office, and the lovely people I support, but the situation as I'm sure most of you are aware is not good for Council employees in our directorate, and it's all so uncertain what is going to happen that there's not way to plan for the future...which I suppose is fine for me because I don't want to do that anyway.

Another major event is that Romilly had interviews for cabin crew posts at Luton and Gatwick airports, which involved travelling up there and staying overnight as they started fairly early.  This meant that I had to step up, take a big gulp and....drive on the mainland!!!  I have only ever done this before when I've been following someone else, so it was a real challenge for me.  And one I rose to very well, if I say so myself, and managed perfectly alright, and managed to meet up with two friends while I was up there!! Thank goodness for TomTom; and thanks also to Tricia and Hazel for very enjoyable catch ups.  Our experience of Travelodge was quite varied though; the Luton one was like bunking down in an old office block, and there were no staff around really, the place was deserted!!  The Gatwick airport one was better though; at least there were other people around so it felt less lonely.  Beds were good at Gatwick, but not at Luton; food was not really that brilliant in either.  But I suppose for the price it's not really surprising!  Rom's day at Luton on the Monday went well (and she got through and was accepted by TUI, which used to be Thomson/First Choice, so she's waiting to hear if there's a job available), but she decided not to go to the Easyjet one on the Tuesday as she really felt unwell and wasn't sure she could cope (but newsflash they offered her another interview date at the beginning of February!).  We decided to have a run down to Ikea in Croydon on the Tuesday morning, and then went on to Brighton for lunch before heading home on an earlier ferry.  

C decided to upgrate our TV, and we now have a daunting 40" television dominating the lounge!  Something that took some getting used to, believe me.  But it is fantastic for the Wii which Romilly and C bought between them...so lots of keep fit stuff going on at the moment; and I've developed a passion for golf, which I would never have thought possible for me....but there you go, things can change!

Romilly went for a fitting for her bridesmaid's dress today with Gemma (Bren's fiancee).  She's very excited and looking forward to this - and told the people at her interview that she had to have that day off!!!  Bless...I can't wait to see them all in their best bib and tucker; what a lovely thing to look forward to.

At time of typing C is halfway through the third cycle of treatment, which you may remember is the last one before the oncologist wants to rescan him.  He's not too bad so far...blood pressure has been fine - not as raised as previously - and his sore mouth/throat/skin hasn't kicked in so far so let's hope it stays that way.  He is tired though, and obviously when he feels like that it's easy to get emotional.  But I guess we're getting good at dealing with all this.

So, the upshot is that he has an appointment for a scan on Tuesday 1 February, then we see the oncologist on Thursday 17 February to find out what's going on.  We've been through so much these last few months, and it's all been leading up to this.  Keep your fingers and everything else crossed that the results are good.

And I'll try to post more regularly, without so many gaps.  But there is so much going on.....

D Days + 139 to 141: Weds 29 December 2010 to Sunday 31 December 2010

So now New Year's Eve has been and gone, and it's New Year's Day.  I'm glad to see the back of 2010 to be honest because it hasn't really been a spectacularly good year for me personally - I know there are bound to have been some good bits, but right now I'm having a job to remember them!! And given what challenges lay ahead, the first few months of 2011 are bound to be no less of a worry as we face C's ongoing treatment, and the possibility that I could be made redundant; the outcome of both those huge issues are still unknown at the moment obviously, but no less worrying because of that.

So back to the last four days - having had a lovely Christmas at home with family, it was nice to take some time out from the rush and relax a bit.  My part was technically over, so it was time for feet up and a slower pace.  It also meant eating the leftovers, which begin to lose their appear after a couple of days, but I hate throwing food away.  I managed to stretch the nut stuffing to last to the day after Boxing Day, by which time I had had enought of it anyway!, and the rest of the dinner bits ended up in the bin (grrrrr, I hate that, but if I don't I end up eating all sorts of rubbish just for the sake of it).  I caught up with TV programmes I'd recorded, took the dogs out for long muddy walks, and did the chores I'd been putting off - mainly the laundry and ironing as it had been piling up over the last week and I really don't think Romilly could have squeezed even a sock into her wash bin.  The down side to it is that because the weather has been so horrible, foggy and damp, it is really difficult to get anything to dry very quickly - so we're left either draping stuff around the dining room on the airer, hanging it up in the (damp) outhouse or resorting to the tumble dryer (which is a horrifically expensive method at the best of times).  And it seems that when you have a lot of laundry, no matter how much you get through there always seems to be more!!!  I must try and get Romilly to wear things more than once before they go in the washbin...something her elder brother had a tendency to do when he lived at home!

We did the usual emergency top up shop at Tesco - I am thinking this is a good way to do the shopping as it means I don't spend as much money...as long as I only do this once a week I should be quids in...however I don't see it happening that easily!  Ah money, how I hate you....!!!

C has continued to have really good days, feeling quite perky and active (and he's started singing in the mornings again...)  I however am still struggling to get my a**e out of bed at a respectable time, and this is starting to worry me as I know I have to be up, dressed and ready to leave the house before 8am from next Tuesday onwards....ooh err.

New Year's Eve was lovely - my big brother was down from the mainland, and having extracted himself from my aunt's lovely cosy cottage, and their enjoyable session sitting side by side on her sofa, laptops on the go, doing some family history research, he arrived early evening and we started on the prosecco.  Deb and Robin arrived a bit later, and once we'd cooked the posh nibbles they brought with them, we went up to the summer house and played silly card games, drank lovely fizzy wine and ate.  All the while there were candles burning and the brazier was aglow, so the top of the garden was like a fairy grotto.  Listening to Wave 105 we heard the chimes announce midnight, so we opened some champagne, watched the fireworks going off along the coast (and the Chinese lanterns being released) and toasted the New Year.  I hope it's going to be a good one; I hope it's going to be an easy one, a positive one, a happy one.  And I wish all that for you as well. x.

D Days + 131 - 138: Up to Date at Tuesday 28 December 2010

So did you all have a good Christmas?  Hopefully you'll answer 'yes' and it will be true!  It's been a busy week for us, with various things happening, so I'll try and remember a few of them.

Firstly I have to say how well C is at the moment - he is off treatment for a couple of weeks, and the change in him over the first two days was amazing.  The side effects of the cancer treatment don't take that long to wain, so he was fighting fit (as much as he can be) and ready for Christmas well before Christmas Eve - lovely to see.

Romilly and I did an early morning foray up to Tesco on Tuesday to get the last of the foodstuffs - it was a pleasure to be up there at that time as the only real challenge getting round the aisles was to avoid the cleaners!! All the shelves were fully stocked and we got everything we needed in record time, and even managed to stop off for a coffee as well.  By the time we got home C had only just surfaced!  It was nice to fill up the cupboards and fridge ready for the big day.  I finished off the decorating - tying ivy up along the picture rails and twining fairy lights amongst it all, everything looked very festive and cosy.  Romilly and I also decided to have a go at a cheat's Christmas cake, having been inspired by Kirstie and Phil - so off we pootled to Newport (which I would not normally do that close to Christmas) and the wonderful Easy Weigh shop to get the ingredients.  I love that shop - it's the perfect place to get the exact amounts you want, which frankly is a good thing when making Christmas cake as it means I don't buy big packets of things I will never use again!  And the cake turned out very nicely too, making the house smell lovely as it took almost three hours to cook.

I met up with my lovely former colleague Mr Cane on Wednesday lunchtime (he's appeared in this blog before as he's a very good friend of mine).  We don't often get the chance to catch up, so I made the effort to get into Newport to see him, buying lunch on the way, and spent a lovely couple of hourse ensconced in his cosy office chatting about this, that and the other. Lovely.  On the Wednesday evening - which was very very cold with a bitter wind blowing - we did our last choir 'gig' of the year at Sainsbury's.  I have to say I'm not sure it was our best busking performance, and we were squidged into part of the cafe area a bit out of the way.  People didn't really seem that interested in us - certainly not as keen as they had been at Waitrose a couple of weeks ago - but I'm not clear whether this was because they were busy panic buying, or whether it was the couple of people we had collecting donations, who were fairly obviously and aggressively dressed in hi-vis tabards shaking buckets!!  Pass them without donating at your peril, it may have seemed....

Christmas Eve is my favourite day of the festive season; everything is still to come, and there's that lovely sense of excitement and anticipation.  We tend to have a day at home, getting things straight and tidy, last minute chores done, and then settle down for a quiet evening.  I love to watch the carols in the early evening - which may seem strange to those of you who know that I am a confirmed atheist with absolutely no religious leanings whatsoever.  But I think it's the sound of the voices and the sense of calm or thankfulness, dependent on which carol is being sung, that appeals to me.  You can keep God and Jesus, and the Holy Trinity and all that waffle, to me it's about a young couple having their first child in difficult circumstances, and celebrating that and all its wonder.  I like the idea of angels though....
So I had my usual lovely fizz, sitting in front of the fire, with only fairy lights and candles burning, and nice things to watch on TV.  And this time, for the first time in ages, I didn't stay up until midnight - mainly because Dan and Romilly had gone to bed early as she had warned him she always gets up nice and early Christmas morning, and frankly the thought of a 7am alarm call from an overexcited 18 year old much have been a shock for him!!

And true to form, on Christmas morning, there she was just before 7am, bounding around saying 'It's Missmass!!" and waking us all up.  We managed to get her to make some tea to delay the inevitable and give us time to wake up a bit more - and to give me time to sort out the stockings, which I hadn't remembered to do the previous night...Romilly and Dan came into our room, and we all sat up in bed and opened presents together - so I guess I can now regale friends with the story of when I had a 21 year old male in my room on Christmas morning, and it will be true.

 The rest of the day went beautifully - I was raring to go after a nice hot shower and my first glass of champagne, peeling spuds, carrots and parsnips like a demon, cross-cutting the sprouts and de-leafing cauliflower.  The PIBs were made by C as Rom was playing Santa to my niece and nephews, and I got the stuffings ready.  I even remembered to put the turkey crown in!  Jill and Arth arrived just after noon, and Rom returned soon after.  The boys and Gem arrived just after two and everyone spent a happy half hour in the lounge with first drinks in front of the fire.  I'd laid up the table - which I was very proud of! - and the whole meal went smoothly.  I was so impressed with C - he managed to eat normally and put away a fair amount of dinner, but the best bit was when he not only suggested a game of Trivial Pursuit, but actually played as well!! Believe you me, that does not happen; in fact I have the devil's own job getting anyone to play anything with me these days.  We played boys against girls, and although it was a close run thing, Pink Team got it in the end.  A lovely day in so many ways.

And now we're past eating the leftovers, chocolate and cheese, and I'm starting to think about detox.  Never has a glass of cold water tasted as delicious as it does right now!  Christmas is over, New Year is nearly here, and sadly the date for my return to work is getting every closer....

D Day + 130: To The Rescue....

...of my lovely friend Deb.  Bless her - she got into a panic this morning about the icy roads and not being able to drive anywhere, so I told her not to worry, that I would pick her up in the Land Rover and we'd get things sorted.  The first of which was meeting up with my friend Tricia, who used to be my boss/head of service and was cruelly and ridiculously made redundant two and a half years ago.  Tricia is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, and seeing her always brightens my day, cheers me up, and makes me hanker after the old days when we used to work together and see each other every day at work.  I was her PA for a while, and it was the nicest job I've had.  So we plonked ourselves in Joe's in Ryde (recently taken over by new management and quite honestly very very nice for it - I recommend it) for coffees, which unsurprisingly turned into lunch, and before we knew it we'd been there for almost three hours;  none of us wanted to leave as it was so cosy, welcoming and pleasant chatting and catching up.  But we all had to get on, so Tricia went off in one direction and Deb and I in the other.  Must do more of this sort of thing.....

C spent the day at home - best place to be given the rain, slush and general chaos that has ensued as people realise they can get out again and panic charge the supermarkets and town centres in case they get snowed in again!!!  Romilly was at home with him, thankfully recovering from feeling knackered and run down, so it was nice for them to spend some time together as well.  By the time I got home around 3pm the weather was absolutely foul and it was good to get back into the cosiness to a big mug of tea.  I had made a detour via Tesco though, as Tricia had kindly texted me to say that they DID have turkey crowns in stock now - off I dashed to purchase one; now it doesn't  bother me remotely not having turkey, obviously as I'm vegetarian, but I don't think the other nine people coming for Christmas dinner on Saturday would have been that pleased to be served nut stuffing, delicious though it is, and I wouldn't want to share it with them anyway...So we're safe and there's turkey in the house!

Today was the last dose of the cancer drug in Cycle 2; and about time - it's been a hard four weeks for C and he's been suffering with extreme tiredness and really feeling the cold.  He's worried about the size of our gas bill for this quarter as we've had the heating on quite a lot, but I can't having him sitting there shivering and feeling worse for it.  It would be nice not to have to worry about money, but then I guess that's what everyone thinks; it's just something you don't want preying on your mind when there's so much else to contend with.  So Cycle 2 is over, and he now has two weeks clear before starting the next one; nice that it's timed right for Christmas and New Year!  Now he can get on and enjoy the festiveness without all those horrible side effects.

I've had a good day today, which I didn't expect given that I overindulged in the old vino last night at the choir's Christmas do!  There was open house at a choir member's home beforehand, which some of us attended and really enjoyed - she made an amazing mulled wine which was far too easy to drink; and a bit worrying of the consequences once we realised what was in it!! I could have been drunk in the fumes alone - but drinking it was an added pleasure.  Then off the Medina Quay for a buffet and a few more drinkies, which turned into a very enjoyable mass sing-song which appeared to empty the place of other customers...unless it was quiet anyway, being a Sunday.  

It's looking very snug in our lounge right now - with the little tree and its red lights, candles burning, fairy lights in the ivy and the log fire burning it's just like a Christmas card - and it really helps to block out the wet windy weather on the outside...

D Day + 129: From DDay + 111 Up To Date!

I realise it's been a while since I blogged; I've been absent from it from18 days, as some of you have noticed and commented! My excuse is that we've been busy getting on with things and enjoying the Christmas run up and snow - which may sound a bit lame but there it is!  So much has happened that it's not going to be easy remembering it all (as those of you who read this regularly will know, my memory is not brilliant for recalling the past 24 hours, let alone over a fortnight) but here goes...

Since last blogging on DDay + 111 we've had two more lots of fairly decent snow...which for me has been wonderful as I haven't had to go anywhere in it!  I've been able to indulge my inner child and go out walking with the dogs, making my footprints in virgin snow in the middle of distant fields and watching it fall in childlike delight.  Even C managed to get out in it and we did a fairly decent walk along the Down behind us in the first batch of heavy snow - the dogs enjoyed it most of the way but unfortunately Charlie's coat attracts blobs of frozen snow as he walks, so by the time we'd got up to the road he looked like he was wearing socks!!  It was so beautiful out there though; something to remember for a long time.

C along Ladies' Walk

Romilly has been busy; you know that she has two jobs on the go, as well as her college course!  I do worry sometimes that she is doing too much - she's a nightmare to feed and wonders why she gets so tired (despite years of trying to get her to eat fruit and veg regularly I now realise it's a lost cause and don't waste my breath any more...she has spates of eathing healthily but sadly they don't last).  Thankfully she's had the last three Saturdays off work so at least she got to chill out for a day.  And it's always nice when she's home at night - which is often - and I get to indulge my maternal instincts and cook dinner (although the appeal of mashed potato, which is her favourite, is starting to wane...)

I've had various social things happening, which has been nice and kept me busy; it makes me appreciate the quiet evenings in so much more!!  Romilly and I went out to Chessell Pottery on 8 December for my friend Petra's annual girls Christmas pottery evening - now I'm not remotely artistic and can't draw or paint to save my life, but they make it so easy for you to decorate bits of pottery that it becomes quite addictive...this year Romilly and I did five pieces between us and had a bloody marvellous time!  Christmas music plays, mulled wine and mince pies are served (although we have hot chocolate as it comes deluxe-style with cream and marshmallows - the latter for Rom not me though as they remind me of trying to swallow phlegm...sorry!!)

I went with my friend Deb and some choir mates to see Medina High's production of Rent - our very talented baritone Cyrus had a starring role in it, Hannah (our choir director) had helped out with coaching for the singers and Rich (our pianist) was heavily involved with the music production.  It was an amazing show - for such relatively young people to be able to pull off such a professional performance of something fairly controversial, emotional and complex (it's all sung, nothing's spoken) was so impressive it had me, and many of the audience, on the edge of my seat.  The part where one of the characters dies was so highly emotional I was in tears - and I was not alone!! Fantastic stuff.

C and I went to the Esplanade Garage Christmas party on 11 December - a first for us as he doesn't usually want to go!  But having persuaded him a few weeks ago we duly got glammed up and off we went - and had a thoroughly nice time.  C did have a bit of a funny turn at the beginning - probably because he hadn't eaten for a few hours and got a bit faint - but it soon passed and he was fine.  Food was nice, company was great, the wine was flowing and everyone was really welcoming and kind, to both of us.  Thank you so much to Nick and his lovely wife Lou for inviting us, and also to Neil, Mark, Jean and Jane for looking after us so well.  You helped make it a very special evening.

So an update on his nibs then!!  As I type this we are practically at the end of Cycle 2 of the treatment - it's been a struggle again, as we knew it would be, but as ever C has faced the niggles and irritations of it all in stalwart fashion.  There are, of course, times when he's in tears and feeling very down - being in the middle of the cycle it starts to hit home that he really is ill and what these drugs are doing to his body, so we have to remind ourselves that it's all for the good, and that this drug, despite its side effects, should be fighting the biggest battle of all - against that damn cancer.  So today, with one dose to go, he's feeling more upbeat and positive, knowing that it's almost over for another fortnight.  Christmas will be treatment free and I think he's actually looking forward to the festive bits - which is a real bonus, even if he didn't have cancer!!  Ah bless...sadly though his Father Christmas beard, which he's been cultivating for a week or so, had to go yesterday as it was too prickly and irritating!

It was C's 55th birthday on 13 December - mixed emotions that morning as you might expect.   He had some lovely cards, texts, and presents from friends and family, and the kids took him out for dinner in the evening before the choir's Christmas concert.  I had debated whether to ask Hannah if the choir could sing Happy Birthday to him as he sat in the audience, but knowing how much he hates being in the spotlight I decided to abandon that idea!!

So the concert...it was a triumph!!  I know I'm biased, but that's the third Christmas one I've done and I think it was the best yet.  We did such a variety of pieces, from traditional carols to modern classics - even Gaudete worked in the end!!  Our Father Christmas was a success with the little ones who came up to do Jingle Bells, but was apparently a bit strange in the background during Santa Baby...thankfully I had my back to him so couldn't see!!!  We had a full house, which is always a good motivator when you're out there singing your heart out - and I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who came to see it after I'd nagged them about getting tickets.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

I went out for a very sophisticated and decadent Christmas tea with my friend Siobhan and some other work colleagues on 15 December - Siobhan belongs to a private members' club in Ryde and had booked it for a small gathering.  Very lovely - mulled wine on arrival, sitting in the bar next to a blazing fire, then into the dining room for tea....candleabra, chandeliers, crystal glasses, lovely cakes and chocolates on cake stands, tiny sandwiches...it was like being in a Marks & Spencer advert!!!

Friday night was my gang's annual Christmas meal - it's a chance for us to catch up outside of work and play silly games over a delicious meal.  Unfortunately this year the venue had just switched owners, and instead of being in a nice side room to ourselves we were in the main hall with a large group of VERY noisy primary school staff...and we had to shout to make ourselves heard.  Still, not all bad really...the annoyance was slightly relieved by four bottles of Prosecco....

And tonight I'm going to the choir Christmas meal!  Such a flurry of activity and so much going on, you can probably see why I keep forgetting to blog!  I still find it difficult to go out and leave C if he's on his own; I know he's fine really, and probably enjoys having the time and peace to himself, especially if there's something decent on the sports channel - I have to fuss a bit and make sure he's warm, fed and occupied - and preferably with a nice cosy log fire burning.  It's something we know we'll have to get used to when I go back to work in January...but it is not going to be easy by any means.  Ah well, let's enjoy this Christmas while we have the time, and whatever January brings, let it come - I feel like we could deal with anything now.

 

D Day + 111: Wednesday 1 December 2010 - Snow, Again!!

It's hard to believe it's already December.  The last few months seem to have flown by, despite us having to take things one day at a time.  Time flies when you're having fun?  Well, it certainly flies by when you're taking your time to deal with something like cancer; there's nothing like a life-threatening illness to make you sit back on your heels and make the most of each day.

Today there was a light smattering of snow everywhere - not enough to make everything grind to a halt, but certainly enough to make it all look very pretty and festive.  Lovely.  C and I decided to get up and on with it, so embarked on an early assault to Tesco, while Romilly and her friend Robyn vegged out in the lounge as their college trip to London had been cancelled.  We went off in Monty (the Land Rover) in case of dodgy driving conditions, as he is very sturdy and ploughs his way through most things.  Tesco was nice and quiet so we got round in record time.  I have made a couple of Christmas purchases on this trip - the pudding (Mrs Peek's, on offer at £3, and absolutely delumshus) and what C thought was amusing to refer to as his 'loose nuts' - I usually leave it too late to get these and consequently get moaned at as Rom and C don't get to sit in front of the fire, crack nuts and chuck the shells in the log fire...gottem this time though; bet they don't eat the damn things now...

Once Robyn had left Romilly was a bit bored, so we decided to make a trip up the the Busy Bee garden centre and browse around Christmas World.  This was a first for us - well, not for us exactly, but for C, as he normally wouldn't set foot in the place at this time of year, but to distract our child's boredom he made an exception.  And it was down to him that we went there really, as he had this idea that it would be productive and a good way to pass the time for us to try some decoupage - I know, I know, but he'd watched Kirstie's Home Makeover or some such programme (don't ask) and she'd had a go at it, so he suggested we did.  So off we went, fired up with enthusiasm, and hit the craft area with a vengeance.  One basket, piles of crepe and tissue paper and large bottle of PVA glue later, we headed home to start.  Now, to describe this activity makes it sound like the most boring thing in the world, because you do, literally, watch glue dry; but it was quite engrossing and therapeutic building up these layers of paper and glue, and it kept Romilly amused for a while.  The end results were quite nice too.  But having read this back to myself it does sound mind numbing so I'll move on!!!

D Days 103 - 110: Things Are Catching Up With Me!

I realise it's been over a week since I blogged; truth is I've been so involved in other things that I haven't given this blog the time and effort it deserves, but in a way that's a good thing because it means life may at last be returning to some semblance or normality, i.e. I'm not spending my time focusing on our cancer story so much!!

Good news is that C is doing fine so far on Cycle 2 of the treatment - it's really encouraging to see him so in control of everything he can be, including organising his medication!  Luckily so far (touch wood) there haven't been any side effects, although we are prepared that they are bound to kick in at some point; but he's also doing well mentally and is keen to get on and do things now that he might have been dubious about first time around.  I guess we can say that the cancer is living with us, rather than us living with the cancer.

As my memory is rubbish at the moment it's not easy to recount everything that's happened in the last week; it probably wouldn't be that interesting anyway!  But we have got on with things and it's been reassuringly normal.   Romilly has a few Saturdays off work now that her colleague is back from holiday, so we made the most of that and went out and got the Christmas tree - don't panic, it's not in and decorated or anything, and because we bought a potted one it's hopefully going to last for a few years.  It is currently residing on the patio, awaiting the proper time to come indoors.  While we are at the garden centre we had a bit of lunch, and Rom and I had a look around Christmas World again...while C went off and put the tree in the Land Rover; you can only go so far with Christmas with him this early!

I also did my annual practice Christmas dinner on Sunday - it's not so much that I need to practise, but it's a good excuse to get a group of friends or family round and sit down to do those things usually reserved for The Day.  I think it's safe to say I can produce a fairly respectable meal for 10 people without too much trouble...and everyone seemed to enjoy it; bodes well for the real thing!

Today (Tuesday) was spent sorting out yesterday's delivery of logs - they were in the garage and needed to be ferried down to the wood store, and/or split down to a manageable size.  C and I started out doing this, and were then ably assisted by our neighbour Marc, who did a fabulous job with the heavy axe, and Chich who was an excellent barrow boy....we got the whole lot sorted by mid afternoon and my log store is now pleasingly full.  Unfortunately I have very achy arms and feel that I am bound to suffer even more tomorrow...but it was great to get it done, and to see how much C enjoyed being out there doing something purposeful, just like he used to.  Happy days.

D Day + 102: Monday 22 November 2010 - Good News (C) and Bad News (me)

Well today was a mix of up and down!

This morning C went up to the hospital, again, to get a repeat blood test done - this is to check whether his blood count is back up to normal, so he can start the cancer treatment again.  He should have started last Thursday so it was a bit worrying that we had to wait.  While he went off and did that I took the dogs out for a long walk - I hadn't had the chance over the weekend due to being at work with Romilly, so we went for a long tramp up on the Down behind the house, through the woods, the mud and up into the clear air; it felt brilliant to be out again, I don't realise how much I miss it until I haven't done it for a while.  And they get a good run into the bargain.  C got home before me!!

We were on tenterhooks a bit about the blood results - C rang the Chemo Unit to let them know that he'd been in and they promised to chase the Path Lab up for a speed result.  Thankfully they did it really quickly and the blood count is up above what Dr Madhave said the minimum should be, so we can go and collect the WMD again tomorrow and get him started on Cycle 2.  Mixed emotions about this though - on the one hand it's nice to know that we can get back to hitting this cancer where it hurts (i.e. cutting off its blood supply), but also realise that C may well end up feeling tired again, with no appetite, and possible high blood pressure and skin dryness.  But that's just the way it is, and we'll deal with whatever comes along, as we always do.

I went into work today - I'd been warned that there was a meeting with one of the senior managers about what cuts are going to be made, and thought it best to be there to get it from the horse's mouth.  And it wasn't good news.  The Council has to save £17m this financial year (so between now and April), and in our Directorate alone that means that around 100 people are going to lose their jobs.  It affects practically everyone, and we'll all get 'at risk of redundancy' letters this week.  We'll know more about the new structure next week, and redundancies will start after the end of February.  There's no way of knowing who is going to lose their job, so you can imagine how unsettling and unhappy a situation this is for all of us - I know it's bad for me, but everyone has their own cross to bear, their own concerns and anxieties, so I'm no better or worse off than the rest of my colleagues.  It's a very difficult situation for everyone and, as usual, a crappy time to be told!  But then I guess there's no good time to tell people they might be redundant, is there?

C was very philosophical about it, and he's right - with what we have going on, losing my job is secondary, and somehow we'll work round it if it happens to me.  Six months ago I would have been dancing around in frustration and anxiety; these days I just go with the flow - I don't have any control over it, and worrying about it won't change anything, so why bother!  Ah Psychology, thy name is Karen.....

Thankfully tonight I had choir to cheer me up, which it does unfailingly.  It was sopranos (tops) and altos (middles) tonight and we sang up a storm.  Even Gaudeter is getting better!!! But there are still a few tweaks required, and with only three weeks to go until the concert time is tight.  I did have fun though; we all seemed a bit light-headed and giddy (there are other Council employees in the choir so maybe this 'que sera' attitude is spreading!) and just belted out our notes.  I think Hannah was impressed...well with some of it anyway!

And so home to I'm a Celebrity...and a very tired C.  It's  been an up and down few days really, and I think it's got to him a bit.  Nothing that a hot bath, early night, and session with the ipad can't put right though, I'm sure.  Oh, and a good night's sleep....

D Day + 101: Sunday 21 November 2010 - Cold Comfort in Cowes

Have you ever been to Cowes in the winter?  Walked down the High Street on a cold November day?  I hadn't for a long time, and had therefore forgotten what a cold wind tunnel feels like...and there was quite a cold wind today!!  Romilly's boss insists that the shop door is open whatever the weather, as it's deemed more welcoming for customers and encourages them to come in...which is lovely for them, if it does work, but rather chilly to say the least for those working within!! There is a heater above the door that blows the tiniest amount of warm air, and a halogen heater behind the counter, but when the open door is at a right angle to the counter and therefore blows cold air directly at the back of your legs, it's not that welcoming at all...But we managed.  I went over to Sainsbury's to get some tuck for the day and we had comforting hot chocolate, rolls and soup for lunch, and Rom grazed on chocolate buttons and Ritz crackers (because she was hungover and trying to 'soak up' the alcohol).  It was surprisingly busy today - we had some really nice people in,  mostly women it has to be said, but they were all chatty and pleasant, and that always makes the day go quicker.  Romilly bought me a lovely snuggly pink cardigan from the shop for my Christmas present, which I promptly put on as it was so warm!!  Sunday hours are 10 to 4 so it wasn't too long a day and before I knew it we were shutting up shop and heading home.  Another lovely day spent with my daughter.  Bless her.

Meantime C had his work crew round - Chich and Arther - accompanied by Jill, to refelt the shed roof.  No mean feat this, as it involves getting on the roof and lugging heavy strips of felt into position - but fortified by several cups of tea/coffee (courtesy of C the Charwaller) and bacon rolls (courtesy of Jill) they got it done in no time and C's shed, and all his treasures contained therein, are now safe from the weather once more.  It did mean however that C had to forgo his weekly breakfast meeting with Neil.....

Rom and I got home around 4.30 and it was nice to come out of the dark into our warm snug little cottage.  I made dinner - a wonderful 'winter warmer' of toad-in-the-hole and mashed potatoes - for them, and cooking wine for me.  I've often wondered why on earth sausages in batter is called toad in the hole, and have found the following explanation: The origin of the name "Toad-in-the-Hole" is often disputed. Many suggestions are that the dish's resemblance to a toad sticking its head out of a hole provide the dish with its somewhat unusual name.  Personally I have never seen a toad sticking its head out of a hole, of whatever variety you care to mention, and would run a mile if I ever did; which reminds me of something that happened when we lived at our old house...


Rom and I were in the garden, one day in the summer, and had filled up her paddling pool as it was so hot.  Our garden was fenced in, but at the back it backed onto a pub car park, this end of which was overgrown with brambles and various under/over growth - a fabulous hunting ground for our then cat, Kiwi, who used to frequently appear in the garden with various prey he had captured, usually slow-worms which he held in his mouth and which looked like a very mobile Salvador Dali-type moustache.  So clearly this area of vegetation harboured all sorts of creatures...which we discovered to our horror once the paddling pool was full.  Rom and I went in for lunch, and went back out into the garden to switch off the hose and sit in the sun.  There we were enjoying the sunshine, when we heard this noise...and out of the corner of my eye I spotted movement.  Not realising what it was I went over to investigate...and leapt four feet in the air when I got close and saw it was a toad, clearly having been drawn out of the shade by the tempting pool full of water.  Shock kicked in, and the scream shot out - I ran across the lawn wailing like a banshee and shouting at Romilly to get indoors; of course she panicked too, seeing my turning into a crazy mad wailing woman running in the opposite direction; heaven knows what the hell the neighbours thought was happening!  Safely in the kitchen, with the door firmly shut, we both collapsed on the floor and laughed hysterically (which I am doing RIGHT NOW recalling this!!!!) to await the arrival of a knight in shining armour to remove said offending reptile to a safe distance - cue Chich, not a moment too soon.


But I digress, and now I've wiped the tears away I can finish this post!  Dinner was a success - I have finally mastered the art of making batter - and Rom went off to snuggle down in bed to watch TV while I caught up with I'm A Celebrity.  Oh my aching stomach muscles...