It's Halloween. I realise that I haven't blogged since last Tuesday, and apologise to anyone who follows the blog regularly for not having done so. Truth is that I'm not sure how interesting the blog can be right now, as one day merges into the next in a routine of waking up late, dishing out the drugs, finding things to do, thinking about what to eat, what to watch on TV and what time to go to bed. Each day is more or less the same, punctuated all to infrequently by other things such as trips out, visitors etc etc. You get the picture. It appears that this cancer has taken over our lives in a way that I couldn't have predicted - it's made us fearful or unmotivated to do things any differently. A vicious cycle of repetitive routine. I have many friends who have told me to ring them, email them, text them, when I get fed up and want to meet up for coffee/lunch/drinks/dinner, but truth is that I am not, and never have been, any good at asking for help, in anything. And I supposed that I've taken on this role of caring for C so readily (as I believe I should) that it's difficult to know where or how to slot in anyone or anything else. If you ask me if I'd like to meet up I'll jump at the chance, and so would C with his friends, but we neither of us are the ones who can do the asking. And so we go on, day in and day out, with each other - which is not all bad, believe me; it would be far worse for anyone to go through this alone, and it wouldn't feel right for me not to do this with and for C.
It's also a bit of a let down for me not having anything particularly exciting or positive to share; and so as I realise that this blog is becoming mundane, so I realise that's why no-one comments on it. Is anyone reading it any more? It started as an outlet for me to share what we are going through - back in the early days post diagnosis I felt the need to get my thoughts and fears out there, a cathartic process for me, but as time goes on it becomes more difficult to do this - my fears are still there, my mind runs on, but I can't share this with everyone; the kids read this blog, so do a lot of our family, and for me to talk in the blog about what I am scared of will not do them any good, so I don't. C said to me at the beginning that the blog should have a purpose, and it did when I started, but now I'm not sure what purpose it serves. I can't and don't put down all the medical issues we are having, how we deal with them, because putting things down in black and white leaves what I say open to too much interpretation - and what I don't want to do is create a panic if someone reads something and takes it the wrong way. So where do I go from here?
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
D Day + 75: Tuesday 26 October 2010 - Rain Rain Go Away
Woke up to rain today - bit of a shocker after the long run of nice sunny weather we've been having; I just hope I haven't put the mockers on it by having referred to the sunshine such a lot in recent postings!!!!
C had a bad night last night - he woke me up this morning and was distinctly off colour and tired. He said he just couldn't settle at all, kept tossing and turning all night and barely got any sleep. Having done his meds I left him in bed to see if he could catch up, or at the very least relax a bit - thankfully his blood pressure was okay and nice and low.
Catching up on chores in the kitchen, I'd almost forgotten that Rom was about (it being half term) and she strolled in and plonked in the chair, yawning. It's a nightmare getting her interested in breakfast - she normally just about manages to get herself a bowl of cereal (chocolate one week, not chocolate the next - I still indulge her just slightly...) but as Mummy was on hand today she decided she'd like pancakes...and pancakes she got - with fresh lemon juice too, dontchaknow!! Not bad if I say so myself...
We sat and made some more Christmas cards this morning - Rom hasn't had a go at them yet and it was nice to sit and do something together. C got up around then and looked much perkier for a shower and clean clothes. He is starting to suffer with dry skin on his face now, as we had been warned, so we have to add regular applications of Savlon healing gel to the list of 'drug' administrations. Good job I'm generally organised - my drug chart is a sight to behold.
We also broke into the new jigsaw puzzle today, and assembled the outside edges in record time. Does everyone do that? It's always been the way with me and my lot - you sort all the pieces into edge and non-edge bits, then put all the edges together first. Makes perfect sense to me!
Leaving Rom and C at home having their lunch - beans on toast with cheese on top (well you have to have cheese on top, it's not the same otherwise) - I went off to meet another lovely friend of mine - Shaz (I think I've mentioned her before - she's the one who makes me spend money at garden centres) - and yes we went to another garden centre, for lunch and shopping (obviously). Shaz is very keen on Christmas, and gets her house decorated nice and early (her birthday is at the beginning of December and she likes to have everything sorted before then). So having downed a lovely lunch we wandered off and browsed in the Christmas section - lots of different colour schemes and lots of ideas for the tree, table etc. Got to feeling quite festive!! I did buy a couple of bits, and having moaned just the other day about not feeling like starting Christmas shopping, I did buy a couple of bits for Romilly's stocking. Yes, she has a stocking on Christmas morning, which she opens while sitting in bed with us. There, now I've embarrassed her to all you readers!!! I'm happy for her to carry on with this as long as possible...it's one last link to her being a little excited child. Talking of which, when I got home she was snuggled up on the sofa with C, watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - we bought a few classic films on DVD recently and she decided to watch this one; not much else to do in the rain right? Wrong! Off we went to Ryde as she needed to get some bits and pieces for her and Daniel's costumes for a Halloween party on Saturday. Wandering around Ryde we were, like a couple of drowned rats after a while, but mission was accomplished, plus a few extras (inevitable when you get two women going in and out of shops). She's gone over to Dan's tonight and C and I are tucked up in the lounge trying to ignore the horrible weather. I just hope we wake up tomorrow in much better spirits and weather conditions than today.
C had a bad night last night - he woke me up this morning and was distinctly off colour and tired. He said he just couldn't settle at all, kept tossing and turning all night and barely got any sleep. Having done his meds I left him in bed to see if he could catch up, or at the very least relax a bit - thankfully his blood pressure was okay and nice and low.
Catching up on chores in the kitchen, I'd almost forgotten that Rom was about (it being half term) and she strolled in and plonked in the chair, yawning. It's a nightmare getting her interested in breakfast - she normally just about manages to get herself a bowl of cereal (chocolate one week, not chocolate the next - I still indulge her just slightly...) but as Mummy was on hand today she decided she'd like pancakes...and pancakes she got - with fresh lemon juice too, dontchaknow!! Not bad if I say so myself...
We sat and made some more Christmas cards this morning - Rom hasn't had a go at them yet and it was nice to sit and do something together. C got up around then and looked much perkier for a shower and clean clothes. He is starting to suffer with dry skin on his face now, as we had been warned, so we have to add regular applications of Savlon healing gel to the list of 'drug' administrations. Good job I'm generally organised - my drug chart is a sight to behold.
We also broke into the new jigsaw puzzle today, and assembled the outside edges in record time. Does everyone do that? It's always been the way with me and my lot - you sort all the pieces into edge and non-edge bits, then put all the edges together first. Makes perfect sense to me!
Leaving Rom and C at home having their lunch - beans on toast with cheese on top (well you have to have cheese on top, it's not the same otherwise) - I went off to meet another lovely friend of mine - Shaz (I think I've mentioned her before - she's the one who makes me spend money at garden centres) - and yes we went to another garden centre, for lunch and shopping (obviously). Shaz is very keen on Christmas, and gets her house decorated nice and early (her birthday is at the beginning of December and she likes to have everything sorted before then). So having downed a lovely lunch we wandered off and browsed in the Christmas section - lots of different colour schemes and lots of ideas for the tree, table etc. Got to feeling quite festive!! I did buy a couple of bits, and having moaned just the other day about not feeling like starting Christmas shopping, I did buy a couple of bits for Romilly's stocking. Yes, she has a stocking on Christmas morning, which she opens while sitting in bed with us. There, now I've embarrassed her to all you readers!!! I'm happy for her to carry on with this as long as possible...it's one last link to her being a little excited child. Talking of which, when I got home she was snuggled up on the sofa with C, watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - we bought a few classic films on DVD recently and she decided to watch this one; not much else to do in the rain right? Wrong! Off we went to Ryde as she needed to get some bits and pieces for her and Daniel's costumes for a Halloween party on Saturday. Wandering around Ryde we were, like a couple of drowned rats after a while, but mission was accomplished, plus a few extras (inevitable when you get two women going in and out of shops). She's gone over to Dan's tonight and C and I are tucked up in the lounge trying to ignore the horrible weather. I just hope we wake up tomorrow in much better spirits and weather conditions than today.
Monday, 25 October 2010
D Day + 74: Monday 25 October 2010 - D is for Deb
It's been weird the last few mornings, waking up in bed on my own. C has taken to going into the back bedroom when he wakes up in the early morning - that's where his new TV and Sky box are, and the spare bed is nice and comfy, so he gets up, usually around 5am, goes and makes some tea and has some cereal, and goes back to bed in the spare room. Sometimes he falls back to sleep, sometimes he stays awake. This morning was no exception, but he was feeling a bit low today, not quite the ticket, so I put him back in the 'big bed' (in our room) and told him to stay there - breakfast in bed was on the menu today. We had boiled eggs (got to get some protein into him), and as always accompanied by toast soldiers. Well, doesn't everyone?! His blood pressure had been up slightly this morning, and on second checking an hour later was up very slightly again, so I told him to stay in bed this morning, while I had to go off into work to drop in my new sick certificate. Armed with the ipad, that's exactly what he did.
It was nice to see the girls at work again; it's been a month since I went in last and they always seem pleased to see me, give me big hugs and ask how it's going. I had to apologise that I didn't have any good news for them, and I know it's always difficult when someone asks how things are - once you say they're not good, or have been tricky, it's a job for anyone to know what to say! Next time I go in I am going to take them some kind of treat as a thank you for their support - cakes always go down well as I remember....
Traffic on the Island today was horrendous - two main parts of the route into Newport were closed and I ended doing almost a tour of the south Wight to get home again! No idea what was going on - it seems a bit early in the financial year for the Council to be trying to spend up the highways budget.
I'd arranged to meet my lovely friend Deb today - I'm sure I've sung her praises before now, but she is an amazingly supportive and kind friend, and has been an absolute rock for me in the past few weeks. We went down to the Roman Villa - C came too, I let him get out of bed as his BP was now down to normal limits - ostensibly for coffee, but it's so lovely down there and the food is delicioso (as I know I've said before) so we stayed for lunch, and then more tea and cake. Yum. It's very easy to forget that there's a world out there, when you are spending so much time at home dealing with illness - and with a little effort you can change your outlook, just by being around people. And no obnoxious small children in the restaurant this time I'm happy to report (see yesterday's blog for that particular rant). It was lovely to watch C chatting and filling up on lunch; he does enjoy getting out, even if it is a bit of an effort sometimes. Just wish it could happen more really, but my powers of entertainment are limited and it's not easy to ask anyone else to arrange anything as I know everyone is so busy.
I dropped C back home so he could have a restorative nap, and Deb and I went off to another favourite place - the garden centre. I need to plant some bulbs in the front flower bed, and as it's notorious for weeds it seemed a good idea to get some of that bark stuff to put down. They had their Christmas display up so we had a look round that, but I still can't get excited about it; shrubs though are a different matter...I could have restocked the garden!! It was nice to spend some time with Deb; she's a very calm and thoughtful person to talk to, very balanced and non-judgemental. It helps to talk to her; and as she is going through a similar kind of thing herself, she has a view on how I feel that other people would struggle to understand - not that I don't love, want and appreciate seeing any of my other friends, as they are all wonderful and supportive in their unique ways. She's also amazing at supporting and talking with C - they get on really well and she calls him her 'other husband'. By the time we'd got back, had more tea etc and caught up with Romilly when she came home, it was gone 4pm - time had flown. So today D is for Deb - a Deb Day, and I hope there will be many more; I have a feeling C and I are going to need them.
It was nice to see the girls at work again; it's been a month since I went in last and they always seem pleased to see me, give me big hugs and ask how it's going. I had to apologise that I didn't have any good news for them, and I know it's always difficult when someone asks how things are - once you say they're not good, or have been tricky, it's a job for anyone to know what to say! Next time I go in I am going to take them some kind of treat as a thank you for their support - cakes always go down well as I remember....
Traffic on the Island today was horrendous - two main parts of the route into Newport were closed and I ended doing almost a tour of the south Wight to get home again! No idea what was going on - it seems a bit early in the financial year for the Council to be trying to spend up the highways budget.
I'd arranged to meet my lovely friend Deb today - I'm sure I've sung her praises before now, but she is an amazingly supportive and kind friend, and has been an absolute rock for me in the past few weeks. We went down to the Roman Villa - C came too, I let him get out of bed as his BP was now down to normal limits - ostensibly for coffee, but it's so lovely down there and the food is delicioso (as I know I've said before) so we stayed for lunch, and then more tea and cake. Yum. It's very easy to forget that there's a world out there, when you are spending so much time at home dealing with illness - and with a little effort you can change your outlook, just by being around people. And no obnoxious small children in the restaurant this time I'm happy to report (see yesterday's blog for that particular rant). It was lovely to watch C chatting and filling up on lunch; he does enjoy getting out, even if it is a bit of an effort sometimes. Just wish it could happen more really, but my powers of entertainment are limited and it's not easy to ask anyone else to arrange anything as I know everyone is so busy.
I dropped C back home so he could have a restorative nap, and Deb and I went off to another favourite place - the garden centre. I need to plant some bulbs in the front flower bed, and as it's notorious for weeds it seemed a good idea to get some of that bark stuff to put down. They had their Christmas display up so we had a look round that, but I still can't get excited about it; shrubs though are a different matter...I could have restocked the garden!! It was nice to spend some time with Deb; she's a very calm and thoughtful person to talk to, very balanced and non-judgemental. It helps to talk to her; and as she is going through a similar kind of thing herself, she has a view on how I feel that other people would struggle to understand - not that I don't love, want and appreciate seeing any of my other friends, as they are all wonderful and supportive in their unique ways. She's also amazing at supporting and talking with C - they get on really well and she calls him her 'other husband'. By the time we'd got back, had more tea etc and caught up with Romilly when she came home, it was gone 4pm - time had flown. So today D is for Deb - a Deb Day, and I hope there will be many more; I have a feeling C and I are going to need them.
D Day + 73: Sunday 24 October 2010 - Making up for Lost Time
It's two months until Christmas Eve. Two months. But I can't get motivated to start anything like present shopping, or even cracking on making the cards. I don't know what things will be like in two days, let alone two months, so I keep shelving all thoughts of Christmas almost as soon as they come into my head; no doubt that will come back to bite me on the a**e when it's almost upon us and I've still done nothing.
Having done practically nothing yesterday due to fending off aforesaid bats (like that - aforesaid, how 'literary'!!!) today was spent in almost a fury of activity trying to catch up on chores. I got the laundry sorted and hung out, only to realise that it wasn't that urgent because Romilly is on half term next week and doesn't need her college uniform. It was nice to get all the bedding clean, dried and pressed though - although it pains me to get into a nice clean bed with all the bedding pressed and crisp; I don't like ruffling the pillowcases, or sheet, or duvet cover...my ASD rearing its ugly head I guess.
I also decided to crack on and trim the hedge. For those of you who don't know our garden, it has a lovely living hedge running all the way down one side of it, and that totals about 160 feet of greenery that needs to be kept trim - 320 feet if you count both sides of it, and 480 feet if you are going to trim the top as well. That is a LOT of hedge. It was one of C's once or twice yearly jobs (depending on how much the bugger had grown), but as he can't manage it at the moment it has got a bit, well, out of hand (I think we've lost about a foot of garden and lane, either side, due to it's bushiness!!) I'd been talking to our neighbour the other day - she came to find me and ask if it was okay for her partner Alan to trim the hedge a bit, at which point I felt it prudent to explain why we hadn't done it for a while. She was very sympathetic, having been through a serious illness recently herself, and kindly offered to sort out trimming the hedge the lane side for us, which I hastily accepted. And so I thought I ought to get on and do the side in our garden - but with the demise of the hedge trimmers some time ago, it was down to my brute force and a pair of not-so-sharp-anymore shears. I managed to get half of it done, and exercise my bingo wings in the process, and as No 2 was round to watch footie with C (and cadge another roast dinner in the process, bless him) he gave me a hand clearing up the cuttings. This has left me with a huge pile of greenery in Chickoland that needs burning - oh dear, I need to have another bonfire....c'est la vie - vive le feu!!!
Once that was done I got the beef joint in the oven, instructed C which vegetables to prep for dinner, and went off for a tramp with the mutts. We went on a different route today, because Romilly had blocked the Land Rover in the garage with her car and frankly I couldn't be bothered to shift them all round. It was nice to go somewhere different - the footpath up past Little Jane's Cottage and into the woods is lovely right now, with the beech trees dropping golden brown leaves on the path, and being up that high you have amazing views through the clear air towards Portsmouth and Chichester. Lovely too for the mutts as they don't have to be on the lead at all on the way round, only when we get back to the road.
Feeling very righteous when I got back, so once the veg was on, and I'd chopped some kindling and refilled the log basket, I poured myself a glass of wine and plonked down on the sofa. A very full, and fulfilling day today. C has struggled though - I know he hates that he can't do much physical stuff any more, and watching me do the hedge was difficult for him. Plus I've been quite active doing all these chores; he helps me out whenever he can, but he still wants to be able to be the man he was before the diagnosis, which just isn't possible at the moment. I want him to concentrate his energies on getting back to a better state of health - physical and mental - and I know it's difficult for him. He is doing so well, keeps going and tries to do what he can, but it is painful to see him feeling so, as he calls it, 'useless' compared to how he used to be. I just wish it was as easy to take over his mental state as it is to take over his chores, just to make him feel good about himself again. Bloody bloody bloody cancer.
Having done practically nothing yesterday due to fending off aforesaid bats (like that - aforesaid, how 'literary'!!!) today was spent in almost a fury of activity trying to catch up on chores. I got the laundry sorted and hung out, only to realise that it wasn't that urgent because Romilly is on half term next week and doesn't need her college uniform. It was nice to get all the bedding clean, dried and pressed though - although it pains me to get into a nice clean bed with all the bedding pressed and crisp; I don't like ruffling the pillowcases, or sheet, or duvet cover...my ASD rearing its ugly head I guess.
I also decided to crack on and trim the hedge. For those of you who don't know our garden, it has a lovely living hedge running all the way down one side of it, and that totals about 160 feet of greenery that needs to be kept trim - 320 feet if you count both sides of it, and 480 feet if you are going to trim the top as well. That is a LOT of hedge. It was one of C's once or twice yearly jobs (depending on how much the bugger had grown), but as he can't manage it at the moment it has got a bit, well, out of hand (I think we've lost about a foot of garden and lane, either side, due to it's bushiness!!) I'd been talking to our neighbour the other day - she came to find me and ask if it was okay for her partner Alan to trim the hedge a bit, at which point I felt it prudent to explain why we hadn't done it for a while. She was very sympathetic, having been through a serious illness recently herself, and kindly offered to sort out trimming the hedge the lane side for us, which I hastily accepted. And so I thought I ought to get on and do the side in our garden - but with the demise of the hedge trimmers some time ago, it was down to my brute force and a pair of not-so-sharp-anymore shears. I managed to get half of it done, and exercise my bingo wings in the process, and as No 2 was round to watch footie with C (and cadge another roast dinner in the process, bless him) he gave me a hand clearing up the cuttings. This has left me with a huge pile of greenery in Chickoland that needs burning - oh dear, I need to have another bonfire....c'est la vie - vive le feu!!!
Once that was done I got the beef joint in the oven, instructed C which vegetables to prep for dinner, and went off for a tramp with the mutts. We went on a different route today, because Romilly had blocked the Land Rover in the garage with her car and frankly I couldn't be bothered to shift them all round. It was nice to go somewhere different - the footpath up past Little Jane's Cottage and into the woods is lovely right now, with the beech trees dropping golden brown leaves on the path, and being up that high you have amazing views through the clear air towards Portsmouth and Chichester. Lovely too for the mutts as they don't have to be on the lead at all on the way round, only when we get back to the road.
Feeling very righteous when I got back, so once the veg was on, and I'd chopped some kindling and refilled the log basket, I poured myself a glass of wine and plonked down on the sofa. A very full, and fulfilling day today. C has struggled though - I know he hates that he can't do much physical stuff any more, and watching me do the hedge was difficult for him. Plus I've been quite active doing all these chores; he helps me out whenever he can, but he still wants to be able to be the man he was before the diagnosis, which just isn't possible at the moment. I want him to concentrate his energies on getting back to a better state of health - physical and mental - and I know it's difficult for him. He is doing so well, keeps going and tries to do what he can, but it is painful to see him feeling so, as he calls it, 'useless' compared to how he used to be. I just wish it was as easy to take over his mental state as it is to take over his chores, just to make him feel good about himself again. Bloody bloody bloody cancer.
D Day + 72: Saturday 23 October 2010 - Bats and Not Much Activity
I think I may have had a slight hangover this morning; I don't get crashing hangovers as people describe, but I definitely wasn't the full ticket, so I would term it a bit 'bats in the belfry' rather than 'hung over.'
I spent the morning catching up on the blog again - the days seem to merge quickly into each other that I forget to do it some days and have to flog my brain to remember what happened! I also uploaded photos from the party last night (see yesterday's blog, and if you're on Facebook you can see them on my page, if you're my friend....) I must have had a good time, and a few white wines, because I don't remember what time I got home; all I do remember is getting a lift back with my lovely soprano buddy Tina and her partner Steve (thanks guys!) and walking up The Mall, still obviously wearing my Dick Turpin outfit...good job no-one was about or I may have been tempted to actually try out a bit of highway robbery....
Having taken most of the morning to 'come to', we ventured out to Ryde - C fancied something to keep him occupied, a hobby, and he's always enjoyed piecing together complicated models of various things, so we went out and bought a kit for a Peugeot 307 rally car; trouble was that there was no price on it, which led to much discussion over the telephone by the girl behind the counter, trying to ascertain what she should charge. In the end they came up with the figure of £11.40 - which, by mine and C's estimation, was about £30 short of what it should have been, compared to other similar kits on the same shelf...bargainarama. And I got a jigsaw puzzle...because I like them, so there.
We went and had a quick coffee in Liberty's, which started out quite relaxing but was quickly spoiled by a couple who came in with two young children - now, I don't want to sound like an old bag (though I expect some people would think I am just that) but my days of tolerating the loud noises and over activity of young children are well and truly over; my daughter is 18 years old, and even when she was a toddler I did not allow her, nor did she have any inclination, to make as much attention-seeking noise as possible and jump up and down or run around screaming when she didn't get it. I don't have anything against young children being out with their parents, but what I do object to is when they are allowed to impinge on the peace and enjoyment of other people in the vicinity while their parents either blatantly turn a blind eye or just look at them with a look of 'Bless them' on their faces. Small children are cute, when they behave cute, not when they shout, scream, cry loudly, run around in circles, jump up and down constantly or repeatedly yell the same word to gain some attention. So there were C and I, sitting at a table drinking tea, and these children are next to us, bounding around on the leather sofas; so we did the decent thing (which is sadly more than their parents did) and left quietly. Make of my opinion what you will - I doubt very much that I am alone!!!!!
I spent the morning catching up on the blog again - the days seem to merge quickly into each other that I forget to do it some days and have to flog my brain to remember what happened! I also uploaded photos from the party last night (see yesterday's blog, and if you're on Facebook you can see them on my page, if you're my friend....) I must have had a good time, and a few white wines, because I don't remember what time I got home; all I do remember is getting a lift back with my lovely soprano buddy Tina and her partner Steve (thanks guys!) and walking up The Mall, still obviously wearing my Dick Turpin outfit...good job no-one was about or I may have been tempted to actually try out a bit of highway robbery....
Having taken most of the morning to 'come to', we ventured out to Ryde - C fancied something to keep him occupied, a hobby, and he's always enjoyed piecing together complicated models of various things, so we went out and bought a kit for a Peugeot 307 rally car; trouble was that there was no price on it, which led to much discussion over the telephone by the girl behind the counter, trying to ascertain what she should charge. In the end they came up with the figure of £11.40 - which, by mine and C's estimation, was about £30 short of what it should have been, compared to other similar kits on the same shelf...bargainarama. And I got a jigsaw puzzle...because I like them, so there.
We went and had a quick coffee in Liberty's, which started out quite relaxing but was quickly spoiled by a couple who came in with two young children - now, I don't want to sound like an old bag (though I expect some people would think I am just that) but my days of tolerating the loud noises and over activity of young children are well and truly over; my daughter is 18 years old, and even when she was a toddler I did not allow her, nor did she have any inclination, to make as much attention-seeking noise as possible and jump up and down or run around screaming when she didn't get it. I don't have anything against young children being out with their parents, but what I do object to is when they are allowed to impinge on the peace and enjoyment of other people in the vicinity while their parents either blatantly turn a blind eye or just look at them with a look of 'Bless them' on their faces. Small children are cute, when they behave cute, not when they shout, scream, cry loudly, run around in circles, jump up and down constantly or repeatedly yell the same word to gain some attention. So there were C and I, sitting at a table drinking tea, and these children are next to us, bounding around on the leather sofas; so we did the decent thing (which is sadly more than their parents did) and left quietly. Make of my opinion what you will - I doubt very much that I am alone!!!!!
Saturday, 23 October 2010
D Day + 71: Friday 22 October 2010 - The Doctor, The Dishwasher and The Highwayman
I saw my GP again this morning - I've seen him more in the last month than in the last 20 odd years he's been my GP. He's a nice bloke, I like him and trust his judgement, and I don't have any worries talking to him about what's happening to us. He's very kind, and understands what it's like for me, and gave me some more time off, thankfully, to be at home with C. I asked him about C's illness and prognosis and what have you, and he seemed genuinely concerned that he couldn't give me a straight answer about what will happen - it's all too open ended, and apparently the biotherapy C is on can and does work wonders for many many cancer patients, as he has seen for himself. So it was encouraging for me to talk openly to someone in the know, and he has told me if there's anything else I need, to let him know. I felt very reassured, which is nice in the current climate of uncertainty.
The new dishwasher was delivered today - a bit of a double edged sword for me as although I was looking forward to the new one arriving, seeing the old one going was like losing an old friend, albeit one who's been harbouring fluff, dog biscuit and who-knows-what other kinds of detritus behind it for the last six and a half years! But off it went, into the back of the Currys lorry, leaving the new shiny silver model in its place. I have yet to give it a name....
No 2 came round this afternoon in his official capacity as a Sky installer - he's put in and connected a Sky box in the back room, linked to C's new TV, so that he can get a decent signal in there. No 2's workmate Jim was with him, a chap he's known for almost his whole life, and who used to play in the junior football team with him - which made me feel old yet again as I realised the little chap was now a grown man with family of his own, whereas I always used to think of him as aged 9 running around a muddy pitch in footie kit. How things have changed! It is nice though that the kids can do things for their dad now, and I know they love to look after him when they get the chance - he's done so much for them through their lives that they leap at the chance for a bit of payback. C has been an amazing dad to all three kids, and still is, and hopefully will continue to be for some time to come.
We also had No 1 round tonight! I was off to a Carry On themed fancy dress party for one of the choir girl's 50th birthday, so No 1 said he'd keep his dad company, and cook dinner for them both. Brilliant, off I went up to my bedroom to get all costumed up, leaving the two chaps wreaking havoc in my kitchen...well not havoc really, but it is weird to leave someone else in there doing the cooking!! No 1 rustled up a very nice dinner for him and his dad, and it was lovely to see them sat together watching the football, dinners on laps in front of the fire. Cosy.
And so to the party...and my costume!! I'd ummed and ahhed about going, but decided to grasp the nettle and get on with it - shouldn't pass up opportunities when they come your way, however trivial they seem. I'd managed to get a great costume from Masqueryde in Ryde - if you ever need to dress up go there; they are so helpful and can put together almost anything!! It only took a quick phone call and within the hour I'd been there, tried it all on, had several suggestions and additions made, paid, and come home fully equipped. It was a great party - and most people there had made an effort with costumes; it was a shame though that more choir members didn't go, as it made it slightly less impressive when we got up to do a couple of songs, as we'd been asked - I think there were 11 of us...and Kieron did amazingly well as the only bass. Told you we could rise to a challenge!!
The new dishwasher was delivered today - a bit of a double edged sword for me as although I was looking forward to the new one arriving, seeing the old one going was like losing an old friend, albeit one who's been harbouring fluff, dog biscuit and who-knows-what other kinds of detritus behind it for the last six and a half years! But off it went, into the back of the Currys lorry, leaving the new shiny silver model in its place. I have yet to give it a name....
No 2 came round this afternoon in his official capacity as a Sky installer - he's put in and connected a Sky box in the back room, linked to C's new TV, so that he can get a decent signal in there. No 2's workmate Jim was with him, a chap he's known for almost his whole life, and who used to play in the junior football team with him - which made me feel old yet again as I realised the little chap was now a grown man with family of his own, whereas I always used to think of him as aged 9 running around a muddy pitch in footie kit. How things have changed! It is nice though that the kids can do things for their dad now, and I know they love to look after him when they get the chance - he's done so much for them through their lives that they leap at the chance for a bit of payback. C has been an amazing dad to all three kids, and still is, and hopefully will continue to be for some time to come.
We also had No 1 round tonight! I was off to a Carry On themed fancy dress party for one of the choir girl's 50th birthday, so No 1 said he'd keep his dad company, and cook dinner for them both. Brilliant, off I went up to my bedroom to get all costumed up, leaving the two chaps wreaking havoc in my kitchen...well not havoc really, but it is weird to leave someone else in there doing the cooking!! No 1 rustled up a very nice dinner for him and his dad, and it was lovely to see them sat together watching the football, dinners on laps in front of the fire. Cosy.
And so to the party...and my costume!! I'd ummed and ahhed about going, but decided to grasp the nettle and get on with it - shouldn't pass up opportunities when they come your way, however trivial they seem. I'd managed to get a great costume from Masqueryde in Ryde - if you ever need to dress up go there; they are so helpful and can put together almost anything!! It only took a quick phone call and within the hour I'd been there, tried it all on, had several suggestions and additions made, paid, and come home fully equipped. It was a great party - and most people there had made an effort with costumes; it was a shame though that more choir members didn't go, as it made it slightly less impressive when we got up to do a couple of songs, as we'd been asked - I think there were 11 of us...and Kieron did amazingly well as the only bass. Told you we could rise to a challenge!!
Half of the micro-choir: L-R - Kieron, Hannah, Vicki, me, Kat, Ruth
D Day + 70: Thursday 21 October 2010 - Sunshine, Psychologist and School Singing
We had an appointment with the clinical psychologist this morning; Sonya had managed to get it sorted fairly quickly after last weekend's events with the blood pressure - which I am happy to report has settled nice and steadily now. C has been a bit apprehensive about seeing the CP, but as he worries about most things anyway I tend not to dwell on his anxiety too much and make him see these things as beneficial - which they are, and which he realises afterwards. She was really nice - her name's Jane, and she's quite young (but I guess most people look young to me now, I'm at that age I suppose) and we had our meeting in a nice side office in the Chemo Suite (the Purple Palace - my friend Deb would love it, it's her favourite colour...) It was obviously an emotional hour, as C was talking openly about his fears for his future, his worries for all of us, and recalling painful events in his past which may well have contributed to the way he tries to deal with things. But he opened up, and I was so so proud of him for that; I know it's not easy for him (I've told you about the Coles' problem of being emotional) and there were some things he said which even I hadn't talked with him about, so for him it's an amazing step to have taken, the first one on a hopefully long and productive path. He felt so much better when we came out, and it was lovely to see him almost back to the C he was before the diagnosis - my 'BC C' if you like!
It was another beautiful day - October sunshine seems to have been laid on for us, helping to lift our spirits and get through each day; you notice the colours in the trees so much clearer, and everywhere's green, even the air is clear. Makes you feel good - my mum would have described days like these as 'good to be alive days.' We didn't feel like going straight home, so went for lunch at the Roman Villa in Brading - if you haven't been there yet, try it; you don't have to go in to see the Villa itself, bear left through the main door and you can go straight into the little restaurant. The food is amazing - always good, fresh, hot, served nicely and fab value for money. And it's a nice place to sit out as well, if the weather's good, with views over towards Sandown Bay. You can see why old Vespasian fancied plonking a house right there. The only down side to lunch was the crashing bore sitting at the next table - pontificating in an overly loud voice about his recent 'dig' to a group of half a dozen ladies who were hanging on his every word, looking like rabbits in car headlights. Yawn.
Had a bit of a strange choir rehearsal tonight - it was open evening at the school, when parents of next year's pupil intake get the chance to have a look round, meet teachers and students, and generally get an idea of what the school can offer. And it was decided that it would be a good idea for the choir to have the rehearsal right there for everyone to see and hear. Which is fine when you're doing songs you're good at, and know well, but when you're still struggling with them and you don't have your usual accompanist or rehearsal room and there's a LOT of peripheral noise...well it doesn't make for a confidence boosting session, especially when you're being gawped at by all and sundry as well!!! But we struggle on - we've sung in so many different locations and situations now I think we can manage most things. The school's brilliant ukelele orchestra were the other end of the hall from us, and due to misinformation of timings, at one point we were in competition with them...as well as the peripheral noise! Good job we can rise to a challenge.
Pub debrief afterwards was interesting - Hannah (choir director) wanted to go over the list of music we're doing for the Christmas concert (Mon 13 Dec, 7.30pm, Medina Theatre - and tickets ARE on sale now so you have no excuse), which has changed slightly...it will need some tweaking and a bit of a cull if we're going to be out of the theatre before midnight....
It was another beautiful day - October sunshine seems to have been laid on for us, helping to lift our spirits and get through each day; you notice the colours in the trees so much clearer, and everywhere's green, even the air is clear. Makes you feel good - my mum would have described days like these as 'good to be alive days.' We didn't feel like going straight home, so went for lunch at the Roman Villa in Brading - if you haven't been there yet, try it; you don't have to go in to see the Villa itself, bear left through the main door and you can go straight into the little restaurant. The food is amazing - always good, fresh, hot, served nicely and fab value for money. And it's a nice place to sit out as well, if the weather's good, with views over towards Sandown Bay. You can see why old Vespasian fancied plonking a house right there. The only down side to lunch was the crashing bore sitting at the next table - pontificating in an overly loud voice about his recent 'dig' to a group of half a dozen ladies who were hanging on his every word, looking like rabbits in car headlights. Yawn.
Had a bit of a strange choir rehearsal tonight - it was open evening at the school, when parents of next year's pupil intake get the chance to have a look round, meet teachers and students, and generally get an idea of what the school can offer. And it was decided that it would be a good idea for the choir to have the rehearsal right there for everyone to see and hear. Which is fine when you're doing songs you're good at, and know well, but when you're still struggling with them and you don't have your usual accompanist or rehearsal room and there's a LOT of peripheral noise...well it doesn't make for a confidence boosting session, especially when you're being gawped at by all and sundry as well!!! But we struggle on - we've sung in so many different locations and situations now I think we can manage most things. The school's brilliant ukelele orchestra were the other end of the hall from us, and due to misinformation of timings, at one point we were in competition with them...as well as the peripheral noise! Good job we can rise to a challenge.
Pub debrief afterwards was interesting - Hannah (choir director) wanted to go over the list of music we're doing for the Christmas concert (Mon 13 Dec, 7.30pm, Medina Theatre - and tickets ARE on sale now so you have no excuse), which has changed slightly...it will need some tweaking and a bit of a cull if we're going to be out of the theatre before midnight....
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