Sorry for the delay with the update; I had a busy day yesterday!
Well as you know, we went to see Dr Madhava yesterday afternoon for the results of the CAT scan. It's a sad old state of affairs turning up in the Outpatients department, with the prospect that you might be getting bad news - they certainly don't believe in fripperies there, believe me; it's an unwelcoming atmosphere and a long, boring wait to be seen. Somehow that doesn't fit right with the so-called 'patient care' that's supposed to be so important. Anyhow, the clinic was running almost to time (by which I mean that we were only 25 minutes late, instead of 45) and as usual we were shown into the depressing, windowless clinical side room where he seems to prefer to see his patients. This time there was only one chair, so I perched on the examination couch while C had a look at the wheelchair scales parked on their side in the corner. Lovely. In comes Dr M, shakes C's hand and offers it to me, limp and warm, to shake, which I do because it's polite, even though he's clearly not bothered whether I do or not. But this is all padding, so I'll get to it....
...basically the upshot is that the news is okay. The treatment C's been on since November has shrunk the main tumour slightly, and there doesn't appear to be any spread. Some of the attachment to his liver has been reduced and his bones are clear. So the drug seems to have done some good, and it's holding the cancer at bay. All good news, considering it could have gone the other way. So we're cautiously optimistic. Now, trying to ask Dr M any questions once he's delivered the news you came for is not easy...at this point he starts to back towards the door as he clearly thinks he's done his bit and is keen to leave. He has put C on another month's cycle, during which time he (Dr M) is apparently going to discuss the case with the Southampton team (remember all those months ago when they were mooting surgery as an option? Well that might be on the cards) to see what they think. I asked what the benefits of that are as I wasn't sure - if the kidney is dead (as the biopsy in October showed 'necrotic tissue') then is it doing any harm leaving it there? What I wanted to know was, is it worth C going through major, invasive, traumatic surgery and post-op recovery if it's not going to make much difference or improve things dramatically. Dr M wasn't sure and said we'd have to wait to see what the Southampton team thought. I was reluctant to do down the positive news we'd had and left it at that, and Dr M managed to sidle through the door, having given us the prescription for more treatment, and another blood test form.
And so that was that. Good news really. Although as things are still in limbo - we have to go back in six weeks time - I'm wary of jumping up and down and celebrating too much. I know only too well from bitter experience that it's best to be cautious about these things so you don't end up being let down even more than you might have been. But it has given C a lift, the realisation that he's done so well, has fought this thing tooth and nail and it has done some good. The kids were chuffed obviously, as was Jill, so it means that life will go on as it has done, for a few weeks more at least.
We're off to the mainland tomorrow - he's decided he wants to buy a Land Rover Discovery and has found one in Stoke Mandeville, so off we go tomorrow. Hope the weather's nice.
Friday 18 February 2011
Wednesday 16 February 2011
D Days 183 - 188: Friday 11 to Wednesday 16 February 2010 - 188 Days Have Led To This
Hmm, first time I've put a title in the title other than the day count. Reason? Because ever since we found out C has cancer, all days have led to tomorrow - the day we find out whether the treatment he's been having is working. It's all come down to tomorrow's appointment with Dr M, the oncologist - whether it's worked and we continue, or it hasn't and...well you can fill in the blanks. I've really felt it the last week or so and the stress of waiting for tomorrow has got to me. To his immense credit C has coped much better - stoically saying that "What will be, will be" and not getting himself wound up about it. I've done enough of that for both of us anyway! It's difficult to know how to feel about the outcome...if the treatment is working, then it should continue, which is great and will buy C more time but at the cost of his health for four weeks out of every six. I guess that the alternative is so much more bleak that this option seems definitely preferable. So we'll see....
Things have plodded on as usual other than this waiting game. Romilly is putting things in place for her anticipated move to the mainland (something else I'm getting stressed about) and is knuckling down to do the necessary to finish her college course so she can get her full qualification. C, being off treatment, has been out and about more, catching up with former work colleagues, family and chores - he even felt well enough to wield his chainsaw at his sister's today! Unfortunately the weather has meant that he hasn't been out as much as he'd like but hopefully that will change. The garden is starting to come to life now, and the bulbs I planted last October are starting to shoot; this small thing is so meaningful, as when I bought those bulbs last September C wasn't sure he would be here to see them bloom...well he is, and it's a major notch in his belt of achievement fighting this cancer. Crocuses never looked so beautiful....
Meanwhile things on the choir front are hotting up; there are lots of 'gigs' coming up which means going over former repertoires as well as learning the new one for the July concert. We are entering the Ventnor Music for Fun Festival again, which is at the beginning of March, and also have quite an exciting concert in mid April with a well known singer....details to follow on that as I've been told they haven't officially been released yet so it has to stay hush hush!!
Romilly and I spent a nice girly Saturday afternoon doing what we do best - shopping!! It was annual bra shopping day and she's the best person to take along - not only is she very good at helping me choose non-granny underwear, but she can also nip out and find different sizes as necessary (amazing how much boob size can fluctuate according to which bra type you go for....) This year's 'in' bustenhalter is the balcony - no, not anything to do with the tacky nightclub on Ryde seafront, but a very nice design which hauls everything into the middle and up slightly, where it used to be when I was young, thin and pre-motherhood. Very pretty and comfy, and nicely reminiscent of my younger days, with just a little more engineering to get the same effect!!! Of course these days it's all about matching top and bottom, so it's time for an underwear cull or my drawer won't close...but enough about that now. Probably TMI!
My lovely curly haired friend Lis left work today - she's sat opposite me at work for the last two years and has been a breath of fresh air in the office. She is always upbeat, bubbly, cheerful, cracks the most awful jokes you can't help laughing at, declared she's not racist whilst having little digs at foreigners, and generally been the kindest, most supportive workmate you could wish for. She's been a fabulous tower of strength to me over the last six months and things won't be the same without her. It was sad to see her go, but I know she's better off choosing to go now so she ends up in a job she wanted, rather than waiting for the axe to fall from The Poison Dwarf himself and be forced into something just to earn a wage. Good luck to her, and fate help the rest of us!
I had a migraine today. First one in months (last time I had one was on the choir tour at the beginning of August, which I think was due to being over tired and drinking too much!) Today's was as bad a headache as I've had for years; analgesics didn't touch it and it took the best part of the morning for me to be able to open my eyes properly and not feel like throwing up. I couldn't go home - I didn't want to miss saying goodbye to Lis - so I stuck it out and eventually had to go and sit in my car for a cat nap to try and relieve it. It went eventually...but I guess it's a sign that everything I've got going on right now is just getting too much. Hopefully after tomorrow I'll have a better idea of where we are with C's illness, and can at least have a plan for one part of my life, his life, and our kids. Fingers crossed.
Things have plodded on as usual other than this waiting game. Romilly is putting things in place for her anticipated move to the mainland (something else I'm getting stressed about) and is knuckling down to do the necessary to finish her college course so she can get her full qualification. C, being off treatment, has been out and about more, catching up with former work colleagues, family and chores - he even felt well enough to wield his chainsaw at his sister's today! Unfortunately the weather has meant that he hasn't been out as much as he'd like but hopefully that will change. The garden is starting to come to life now, and the bulbs I planted last October are starting to shoot; this small thing is so meaningful, as when I bought those bulbs last September C wasn't sure he would be here to see them bloom...well he is, and it's a major notch in his belt of achievement fighting this cancer. Crocuses never looked so beautiful....
Meanwhile things on the choir front are hotting up; there are lots of 'gigs' coming up which means going over former repertoires as well as learning the new one for the July concert. We are entering the Ventnor Music for Fun Festival again, which is at the beginning of March, and also have quite an exciting concert in mid April with a well known singer....details to follow on that as I've been told they haven't officially been released yet so it has to stay hush hush!!
Romilly and I spent a nice girly Saturday afternoon doing what we do best - shopping!! It was annual bra shopping day and she's the best person to take along - not only is she very good at helping me choose non-granny underwear, but she can also nip out and find different sizes as necessary (amazing how much boob size can fluctuate according to which bra type you go for....) This year's 'in' bustenhalter is the balcony - no, not anything to do with the tacky nightclub on Ryde seafront, but a very nice design which hauls everything into the middle and up slightly, where it used to be when I was young, thin and pre-motherhood. Very pretty and comfy, and nicely reminiscent of my younger days, with just a little more engineering to get the same effect!!! Of course these days it's all about matching top and bottom, so it's time for an underwear cull or my drawer won't close...but enough about that now. Probably TMI!
My lovely curly haired friend Lis left work today - she's sat opposite me at work for the last two years and has been a breath of fresh air in the office. She is always upbeat, bubbly, cheerful, cracks the most awful jokes you can't help laughing at, declared she's not racist whilst having little digs at foreigners, and generally been the kindest, most supportive workmate you could wish for. She's been a fabulous tower of strength to me over the last six months and things won't be the same without her. It was sad to see her go, but I know she's better off choosing to go now so she ends up in a job she wanted, rather than waiting for the axe to fall from The Poison Dwarf himself and be forced into something just to earn a wage. Good luck to her, and fate help the rest of us!
I had a migraine today. First one in months (last time I had one was on the choir tour at the beginning of August, which I think was due to being over tired and drinking too much!) Today's was as bad a headache as I've had for years; analgesics didn't touch it and it took the best part of the morning for me to be able to open my eyes properly and not feel like throwing up. I couldn't go home - I didn't want to miss saying goodbye to Lis - so I stuck it out and eventually had to go and sit in my car for a cat nap to try and relieve it. It went eventually...but I guess it's a sign that everything I've got going on right now is just getting too much. Hopefully after tomorrow I'll have a better idea of where we are with C's illness, and can at least have a plan for one part of my life, his life, and our kids. Fingers crossed.
Thursday 10 February 2011
D Days 179 - 182: Monday 7 to Thursday 10 February 2010
It's been a bit of a week. For me that is anyway. And I'm getting so bogged down in the negative things that's it's getting harder to be positive. Something to do with the moon? Or is it just that all this is finally starting to wear me down?
C's been a bit better this week, having finished the third cycle of treatment. He perks up within a couple of days of finishing and is so much more energised, positive and active. Which is a good thing really because I think I've imploded slightly, and I'm the one that needs the propping up!
My work situation is still hanging in the balance, which means that speculation is still rife as to what's going to happen to us. And when you get an office full of women speculating about something...well you can just imagine how that conversation goes. Romilly has also had details through about her training with Thomson, so that's completely thrown me and I'm starting to fret about her going, and how it's all going to be for all of us. Add into the mix the upcoming appointment with the oncologist next Thursday for the results of C's scan.....that's a recipe for one mixed up Karen!!
I'm going to have to apologise that I don't have anything very positive or interesting to post. But I guess that was bound to happen one day. There just isn't anything to report...it's all mundane and very much in limbo.
I suppose one small 'up' is that my fitness is increasing, thanks to the lovely Bob and The Biggest Loser Challenge I'm doing on the Wii...so I suppose physically I'm in much better shape than I've been for a while. It's so ironic that mentally and emotionally I'm a bit the worse for wear! C'est la vie....
C's been a bit better this week, having finished the third cycle of treatment. He perks up within a couple of days of finishing and is so much more energised, positive and active. Which is a good thing really because I think I've imploded slightly, and I'm the one that needs the propping up!
My work situation is still hanging in the balance, which means that speculation is still rife as to what's going to happen to us. And when you get an office full of women speculating about something...well you can just imagine how that conversation goes. Romilly has also had details through about her training with Thomson, so that's completely thrown me and I'm starting to fret about her going, and how it's all going to be for all of us. Add into the mix the upcoming appointment with the oncologist next Thursday for the results of C's scan.....that's a recipe for one mixed up Karen!!
I'm going to have to apologise that I don't have anything very positive or interesting to post. But I guess that was bound to happen one day. There just isn't anything to report...it's all mundane and very much in limbo.
I suppose one small 'up' is that my fitness is increasing, thanks to the lovely Bob and The Biggest Loser Challenge I'm doing on the Wii...so I suppose physically I'm in much better shape than I've been for a while. It's so ironic that mentally and emotionally I'm a bit the worse for wear! C'est la vie....
Sunday 6 February 2011
D Days 173 - 178: Tuesday 1 February to Sunday 6 February 2011
Hi all, from me at the desk with our new computer!!! It's so nice to be able to type and have the text appear on the screen at the same time, and to not have to go off and make a cup of tea while the damn thing boots up!! Marvellous thing it is now, and I love how fast it is...the old one is shortly to be consigned to the great computer graveyard (wherever that is) - which is fortuitous for it as I was quite prepared to take a sledgehammer to the damn thing...
So February is upon us. It seems weird when I type the 'D Day' number at the beginning of each post, it keeps on going up and just reminds me of how much time has gone past since the first post.
Tuesday was Scan Day. Poor C wasn't allowed to eat anything in the morning, so after having a fairly hefty supper on Monday night it was fasterama, and I joined him as moral support. Well it wouldn't have been fair to sit there tucking into eggs on toast while he nursed a glass of water, would it!! We had to get up there an hour before his appointment, so we turned up at 9am and he had to spend the next hour drinking a whole jugful of white fluid which, he told me, tasted like peaches. It had been quiet in the X Ray Department when we first got there, but soon started to get busy and by the time he went in for the scan at 10am the waiting room was full. 25 minutes later he emerged, none the worse for wear, and we set off for Briddlesford Farm for a cooked breakfast...and it has never tasted so good!!! And that was the afternoon C went and bought the new PC...after dragging me round PC World for an hour or so to look at all the things he'd been drooling over a couple of days earlier. Particularly the new Apple computer - no, that's not what he bought, even I baulked at spending £1000 on a computer...but I think I did a pretty good job at feigning interest. I just can't get that excited about technological gadgets (apart from when they go wrong and I want to throw them out of the window, that's pretty exciting) - I would compare it to me taking C around an LK Bennett superstore and seeing how excited he gets about different types of shoe....nuff said methinks.
Work has been fairly quiet, with ongoing confusion and speculation about what the hell is going to happen to all of us. Quite frankly it's anybody's guess, and when the Council powers that be keep doing u-turns as they are (Floating Bridge charges par exemple) it's different from one day to the next. The only consistency is their inconsistency and the fear and demoralisation they manage to spread...no change there in the last few years then.
C's finished this third cycle of treatment now, thankfully. It's been a bit of a slog this time as he's been on his own for more than before, and it's difficult to get yourself up and at 'em when you feel well below par and there's no-one there with you. It remains to be seen what the next step is. Something for another day I think.
Choir went well on Thursday night - we seem to have got the hang of most of The Lady in Red...and for good measure we blasted out an off the cuff Over the Rainbow which, I have to say, sounded remarkably good considering the fact that we haven't sung it for months. Great morale boost.
Romilly went to London on a college trip the other day and, as they had some free time, managed to track down a Primark - I swear that girl could sniff out a bargain store from miles away....On this occasion she bought what she calls a 'onesie'. Now I didn't know what this is...so she put it on to show me. And basically it's an adult babygro. 18 years ago I was putting her in these things for bedtime, and now she's buying her own. How things come full circle!! I was upstairs just now and popped my head around her bedroom door, to see her in her onesie laid on the bed watching TV, and Fleur stretched out next her facing the other direction. The funniest bit about this is that Rom's onesie is leopard print...so they looked like bookends!!!!!!
So February is upon us. It seems weird when I type the 'D Day' number at the beginning of each post, it keeps on going up and just reminds me of how much time has gone past since the first post.
Tuesday was Scan Day. Poor C wasn't allowed to eat anything in the morning, so after having a fairly hefty supper on Monday night it was fasterama, and I joined him as moral support. Well it wouldn't have been fair to sit there tucking into eggs on toast while he nursed a glass of water, would it!! We had to get up there an hour before his appointment, so we turned up at 9am and he had to spend the next hour drinking a whole jugful of white fluid which, he told me, tasted like peaches. It had been quiet in the X Ray Department when we first got there, but soon started to get busy and by the time he went in for the scan at 10am the waiting room was full. 25 minutes later he emerged, none the worse for wear, and we set off for Briddlesford Farm for a cooked breakfast...and it has never tasted so good!!! And that was the afternoon C went and bought the new PC...after dragging me round PC World for an hour or so to look at all the things he'd been drooling over a couple of days earlier. Particularly the new Apple computer - no, that's not what he bought, even I baulked at spending £1000 on a computer...but I think I did a pretty good job at feigning interest. I just can't get that excited about technological gadgets (apart from when they go wrong and I want to throw them out of the window, that's pretty exciting) - I would compare it to me taking C around an LK Bennett superstore and seeing how excited he gets about different types of shoe....nuff said methinks.
Work has been fairly quiet, with ongoing confusion and speculation about what the hell is going to happen to all of us. Quite frankly it's anybody's guess, and when the Council powers that be keep doing u-turns as they are (Floating Bridge charges par exemple) it's different from one day to the next. The only consistency is their inconsistency and the fear and demoralisation they manage to spread...no change there in the last few years then.
C's finished this third cycle of treatment now, thankfully. It's been a bit of a slog this time as he's been on his own for more than before, and it's difficult to get yourself up and at 'em when you feel well below par and there's no-one there with you. It remains to be seen what the next step is. Something for another day I think.
Choir went well on Thursday night - we seem to have got the hang of most of The Lady in Red...and for good measure we blasted out an off the cuff Over the Rainbow which, I have to say, sounded remarkably good considering the fact that we haven't sung it for months. Great morale boost.
Romilly went to London on a college trip the other day and, as they had some free time, managed to track down a Primark - I swear that girl could sniff out a bargain store from miles away....On this occasion she bought what she calls a 'onesie'. Now I didn't know what this is...so she put it on to show me. And basically it's an adult babygro. 18 years ago I was putting her in these things for bedtime, and now she's buying her own. How things come full circle!! I was upstairs just now and popped my head around her bedroom door, to see her in her onesie laid on the bed watching TV, and Fleur stretched out next her facing the other direction. The funniest bit about this is that Rom's onesie is leopard print...so they looked like bookends!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)