So did you all have a good Christmas? Hopefully you'll answer 'yes' and it will be true! It's been a busy week for us, with various things happening, so I'll try and remember a few of them.
Firstly I have to say how well C is at the moment - he is off treatment for a couple of weeks, and the change in him over the first two days was amazing. The side effects of the cancer treatment don't take that long to wain, so he was fighting fit (as much as he can be) and ready for Christmas well before Christmas Eve - lovely to see.
Romilly and I did an early morning foray up to Tesco on Tuesday to get the last of the foodstuffs - it was a pleasure to be up there at that time as the only real challenge getting round the aisles was to avoid the cleaners!! All the shelves were fully stocked and we got everything we needed in record time, and even managed to stop off for a coffee as well. By the time we got home C had only just surfaced! It was nice to fill up the cupboards and fridge ready for the big day. I finished off the decorating - tying ivy up along the picture rails and twining fairy lights amongst it all, everything looked very festive and cosy. Romilly and I also decided to have a go at a cheat's Christmas cake, having been inspired by Kirstie and Phil - so off we pootled to Newport (which I would not normally do that close to Christmas) and the wonderful Easy Weigh shop to get the ingredients. I love that shop - it's the perfect place to get the exact amounts you want, which frankly is a good thing when making Christmas cake as it means I don't buy big packets of things I will never use again! And the cake turned out very nicely too, making the house smell lovely as it took almost three hours to cook.
I met up with my lovely former colleague Mr Cane on Wednesday lunchtime (he's appeared in this blog before as he's a very good friend of mine). We don't often get the chance to catch up, so I made the effort to get into Newport to see him, buying lunch on the way, and spent a lovely couple of hourse ensconced in his cosy office chatting about this, that and the other. Lovely. On the Wednesday evening - which was very very cold with a bitter wind blowing - we did our last choir 'gig' of the year at Sainsbury's. I have to say I'm not sure it was our best busking performance, and we were squidged into part of the cafe area a bit out of the way. People didn't really seem that interested in us - certainly not as keen as they had been at Waitrose a couple of weeks ago - but I'm not clear whether this was because they were busy panic buying, or whether it was the couple of people we had collecting donations, who were fairly obviously and aggressively dressed in hi-vis tabards shaking buckets!! Pass them without donating at your peril, it may have seemed....
Christmas Eve is my favourite day of the festive season; everything is still to come, and there's that lovely sense of excitement and anticipation. We tend to have a day at home, getting things straight and tidy, last minute chores done, and then settle down for a quiet evening. I love to watch the carols in the early evening - which may seem strange to those of you who know that I am a confirmed atheist with absolutely no religious leanings whatsoever. But I think it's the sound of the voices and the sense of calm or thankfulness, dependent on which carol is being sung, that appeals to me. You can keep God and Jesus, and the Holy Trinity and all that waffle, to me it's about a young couple having their first child in difficult circumstances, and celebrating that and all its wonder. I like the idea of angels though....
So I had my usual lovely fizz, sitting in front of the fire, with only fairy lights and candles burning, and nice things to watch on TV. And this time, for the first time in ages, I didn't stay up until midnight - mainly because Dan and Romilly had gone to bed early as she had warned him she always gets up nice and early Christmas morning, and frankly the thought of a 7am alarm call from an overexcited 18 year old much have been a shock for him!!
And true to form, on Christmas morning, there she was just before 7am, bounding around saying 'It's Missmass!!" and waking us all up. We managed to get her to make some tea to delay the inevitable and give us time to wake up a bit more - and to give me time to sort out the stockings, which I hadn't remembered to do the previous night...Romilly and Dan came into our room, and we all sat up in bed and opened presents together - so I guess I can now regale friends with the story of when I had a 21 year old male in my room on Christmas morning, and it will be true.
The rest of the day went beautifully - I was raring to go after a nice hot shower and my first glass of champagne, peeling spuds, carrots and parsnips like a demon, cross-cutting the sprouts and de-leafing cauliflower. The PIBs were made by C as Rom was playing Santa to my niece and nephews, and I got the stuffings ready. I even remembered to put the turkey crown in! Jill and Arth arrived just after noon, and Rom returned soon after. The boys and Gem arrived just after two and everyone spent a happy half hour in the lounge with first drinks in front of the fire. I'd laid up the table - which I was very proud of! - and the whole meal went smoothly. I was so impressed with C - he managed to eat normally and put away a fair amount of dinner, but the best bit was when he not only suggested a game of Trivial Pursuit, but actually played as well!! Believe you me, that does not happen; in fact I have the devil's own job getting anyone to play anything with me these days. We played boys against girls, and although it was a close run thing, Pink Team got it in the end. A lovely day in so many ways.
And now we're past eating the leftovers, chocolate and cheese, and I'm starting to think about detox. Never has a glass of cold water tasted as delicious as it does right now! Christmas is over, New Year is nearly here, and sadly the date for my return to work is getting every closer....
Tuesday 28 December 2010
Monday 20 December 2010
D Day + 130: To The Rescue....
...of my lovely friend Deb. Bless her - she got into a panic this morning about the icy roads and not being able to drive anywhere, so I told her not to worry, that I would pick her up in the Land Rover and we'd get things sorted. The first of which was meeting up with my friend Tricia, who used to be my boss/head of service and was cruelly and ridiculously made redundant two and a half years ago. Tricia is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, and seeing her always brightens my day, cheers me up, and makes me hanker after the old days when we used to work together and see each other every day at work. I was her PA for a while, and it was the nicest job I've had. So we plonked ourselves in Joe's in Ryde (recently taken over by new management and quite honestly very very nice for it - I recommend it) for coffees, which unsurprisingly turned into lunch, and before we knew it we'd been there for almost three hours; none of us wanted to leave as it was so cosy, welcoming and pleasant chatting and catching up. But we all had to get on, so Tricia went off in one direction and Deb and I in the other. Must do more of this sort of thing.....
C spent the day at home - best place to be given the rain, slush and general chaos that has ensued as people realise they can get out again and panic charge the supermarkets and town centres in case they get snowed in again!!! Romilly was at home with him, thankfully recovering from feeling knackered and run down, so it was nice for them to spend some time together as well. By the time I got home around 3pm the weather was absolutely foul and it was good to get back into the cosiness to a big mug of tea. I had made a detour via Tesco though, as Tricia had kindly texted me to say that they DID have turkey crowns in stock now - off I dashed to purchase one; now it doesn't bother me remotely not having turkey, obviously as I'm vegetarian, but I don't think the other nine people coming for Christmas dinner on Saturday would have been that pleased to be served nut stuffing, delicious though it is, and I wouldn't want to share it with them anyway...So we're safe and there's turkey in the house!
Today was the last dose of the cancer drug in Cycle 2; and about time - it's been a hard four weeks for C and he's been suffering with extreme tiredness and really feeling the cold. He's worried about the size of our gas bill for this quarter as we've had the heating on quite a lot, but I can't having him sitting there shivering and feeling worse for it. It would be nice not to have to worry about money, but then I guess that's what everyone thinks; it's just something you don't want preying on your mind when there's so much else to contend with. So Cycle 2 is over, and he now has two weeks clear before starting the next one; nice that it's timed right for Christmas and New Year! Now he can get on and enjoy the festiveness without all those horrible side effects.
I've had a good day today, which I didn't expect given that I overindulged in the old vino last night at the choir's Christmas do! There was open house at a choir member's home beforehand, which some of us attended and really enjoyed - she made an amazing mulled wine which was far too easy to drink; and a bit worrying of the consequences once we realised what was in it!! I could have been drunk in the fumes alone - but drinking it was an added pleasure. Then off the Medina Quay for a buffet and a few more drinkies, which turned into a very enjoyable mass sing-song which appeared to empty the place of other customers...unless it was quiet anyway, being a Sunday.
It's looking very snug in our lounge right now - with the little tree and its red lights, candles burning, fairy lights in the ivy and the log fire burning it's just like a Christmas card - and it really helps to block out the wet windy weather on the outside...
C spent the day at home - best place to be given the rain, slush and general chaos that has ensued as people realise they can get out again and panic charge the supermarkets and town centres in case they get snowed in again!!! Romilly was at home with him, thankfully recovering from feeling knackered and run down, so it was nice for them to spend some time together as well. By the time I got home around 3pm the weather was absolutely foul and it was good to get back into the cosiness to a big mug of tea. I had made a detour via Tesco though, as Tricia had kindly texted me to say that they DID have turkey crowns in stock now - off I dashed to purchase one; now it doesn't bother me remotely not having turkey, obviously as I'm vegetarian, but I don't think the other nine people coming for Christmas dinner on Saturday would have been that pleased to be served nut stuffing, delicious though it is, and I wouldn't want to share it with them anyway...So we're safe and there's turkey in the house!
Today was the last dose of the cancer drug in Cycle 2; and about time - it's been a hard four weeks for C and he's been suffering with extreme tiredness and really feeling the cold. He's worried about the size of our gas bill for this quarter as we've had the heating on quite a lot, but I can't having him sitting there shivering and feeling worse for it. It would be nice not to have to worry about money, but then I guess that's what everyone thinks; it's just something you don't want preying on your mind when there's so much else to contend with. So Cycle 2 is over, and he now has two weeks clear before starting the next one; nice that it's timed right for Christmas and New Year! Now he can get on and enjoy the festiveness without all those horrible side effects.
I've had a good day today, which I didn't expect given that I overindulged in the old vino last night at the choir's Christmas do! There was open house at a choir member's home beforehand, which some of us attended and really enjoyed - she made an amazing mulled wine which was far too easy to drink; and a bit worrying of the consequences once we realised what was in it!! I could have been drunk in the fumes alone - but drinking it was an added pleasure. Then off the Medina Quay for a buffet and a few more drinkies, which turned into a very enjoyable mass sing-song which appeared to empty the place of other customers...unless it was quiet anyway, being a Sunday.
It's looking very snug in our lounge right now - with the little tree and its red lights, candles burning, fairy lights in the ivy and the log fire burning it's just like a Christmas card - and it really helps to block out the wet windy weather on the outside...
Sunday 19 December 2010
D Day + 129: From DDay + 111 Up To Date!
I realise it's been a while since I blogged; I've been absent from it from18 days, as some of you have noticed and commented! My excuse is that we've been busy getting on with things and enjoying the Christmas run up and snow - which may sound a bit lame but there it is! So much has happened that it's not going to be easy remembering it all (as those of you who read this regularly will know, my memory is not brilliant for recalling the past 24 hours, let alone over a fortnight) but here goes...
Since last blogging on DDay + 111 we've had two more lots of fairly decent snow...which for me has been wonderful as I haven't had to go anywhere in it! I've been able to indulge my inner child and go out walking with the dogs, making my footprints in virgin snow in the middle of distant fields and watching it fall in childlike delight. Even C managed to get out in it and we did a fairly decent walk along the Down behind us in the first batch of heavy snow - the dogs enjoyed it most of the way but unfortunately Charlie's coat attracts blobs of frozen snow as he walks, so by the time we'd got up to the road he looked like he was wearing socks!! It was so beautiful out there though; something to remember for a long time.
Since last blogging on DDay + 111 we've had two more lots of fairly decent snow...which for me has been wonderful as I haven't had to go anywhere in it! I've been able to indulge my inner child and go out walking with the dogs, making my footprints in virgin snow in the middle of distant fields and watching it fall in childlike delight. Even C managed to get out in it and we did a fairly decent walk along the Down behind us in the first batch of heavy snow - the dogs enjoyed it most of the way but unfortunately Charlie's coat attracts blobs of frozen snow as he walks, so by the time we'd got up to the road he looked like he was wearing socks!! It was so beautiful out there though; something to remember for a long time.
C along Ladies' Walk
Romilly has been busy; you know that she has two jobs on the go, as well as her college course! I do worry sometimes that she is doing too much - she's a nightmare to feed and wonders why she gets so tired (despite years of trying to get her to eat fruit and veg regularly I now realise it's a lost cause and don't waste my breath any more...she has spates of eathing healthily but sadly they don't last). Thankfully she's had the last three Saturdays off work so at least she got to chill out for a day. And it's always nice when she's home at night - which is often - and I get to indulge my maternal instincts and cook dinner (although the appeal of mashed potato, which is her favourite, is starting to wane...)
I've had various social things happening, which has been nice and kept me busy; it makes me appreciate the quiet evenings in so much more!! Romilly and I went out to Chessell Pottery on 8 December for my friend Petra's annual girls Christmas pottery evening - now I'm not remotely artistic and can't draw or paint to save my life, but they make it so easy for you to decorate bits of pottery that it becomes quite addictive...this year Romilly and I did five pieces between us and had a bloody marvellous time! Christmas music plays, mulled wine and mince pies are served (although we have hot chocolate as it comes deluxe-style with cream and marshmallows - the latter for Rom not me though as they remind me of trying to swallow phlegm...sorry!!)
I went with my friend Deb and some choir mates to see Medina High's production of Rent - our very talented baritone Cyrus had a starring role in it, Hannah (our choir director) had helped out with coaching for the singers and Rich (our pianist) was heavily involved with the music production. It was an amazing show - for such relatively young people to be able to pull off such a professional performance of something fairly controversial, emotional and complex (it's all sung, nothing's spoken) was so impressive it had me, and many of the audience, on the edge of my seat. The part where one of the characters dies was so highly emotional I was in tears - and I was not alone!! Fantastic stuff.
C and I went to the Esplanade Garage Christmas party on 11 December - a first for us as he doesn't usually want to go! But having persuaded him a few weeks ago we duly got glammed up and off we went - and had a thoroughly nice time. C did have a bit of a funny turn at the beginning - probably because he hadn't eaten for a few hours and got a bit faint - but it soon passed and he was fine. Food was nice, company was great, the wine was flowing and everyone was really welcoming and kind, to both of us. Thank you so much to Nick and his lovely wife Lou for inviting us, and also to Neil, Mark, Jean and Jane for looking after us so well. You helped make it a very special evening.
So an update on his nibs then!! As I type this we are practically at the end of Cycle 2 of the treatment - it's been a struggle again, as we knew it would be, but as ever C has faced the niggles and irritations of it all in stalwart fashion. There are, of course, times when he's in tears and feeling very down - being in the middle of the cycle it starts to hit home that he really is ill and what these drugs are doing to his body, so we have to remind ourselves that it's all for the good, and that this drug, despite its side effects, should be fighting the biggest battle of all - against that damn cancer. So today, with one dose to go, he's feeling more upbeat and positive, knowing that it's almost over for another fortnight. Christmas will be treatment free and I think he's actually looking forward to the festive bits - which is a real bonus, even if he didn't have cancer!! Ah bless...sadly though his Father Christmas beard, which he's been cultivating for a week or so, had to go yesterday as it was too prickly and irritating!
It was C's 55th birthday on 13 December - mixed emotions that morning as you might expect. He had some lovely cards, texts, and presents from friends and family, and the kids took him out for dinner in the evening before the choir's Christmas concert. I had debated whether to ask Hannah if the choir could sing Happy Birthday to him as he sat in the audience, but knowing how much he hates being in the spotlight I decided to abandon that idea!!
So the concert...it was a triumph!! I know I'm biased, but that's the third Christmas one I've done and I think it was the best yet. We did such a variety of pieces, from traditional carols to modern classics - even Gaudete worked in the end!! Our Father Christmas was a success with the little ones who came up to do Jingle Bells, but was apparently a bit strange in the background during Santa Baby...thankfully I had my back to him so couldn't see!!! We had a full house, which is always a good motivator when you're out there singing your heart out - and I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who came to see it after I'd nagged them about getting tickets. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.
I went out for a very sophisticated and decadent Christmas tea with my friend Siobhan and some other work colleagues on 15 December - Siobhan belongs to a private members' club in Ryde and had booked it for a small gathering. Very lovely - mulled wine on arrival, sitting in the bar next to a blazing fire, then into the dining room for tea....candleabra, chandeliers, crystal glasses, lovely cakes and chocolates on cake stands, tiny sandwiches...it was like being in a Marks & Spencer advert!!!
Friday night was my gang's annual Christmas meal - it's a chance for us to catch up outside of work and play silly games over a delicious meal. Unfortunately this year the venue had just switched owners, and instead of being in a nice side room to ourselves we were in the main hall with a large group of VERY noisy primary school staff...and we had to shout to make ourselves heard. Still, not all bad really...the annoyance was slightly relieved by four bottles of Prosecco....
And tonight I'm going to the choir Christmas meal! Such a flurry of activity and so much going on, you can probably see why I keep forgetting to blog! I still find it difficult to go out and leave C if he's on his own; I know he's fine really, and probably enjoys having the time and peace to himself, especially if there's something decent on the sports channel - I have to fuss a bit and make sure he's warm, fed and occupied - and preferably with a nice cosy log fire burning. It's something we know we'll have to get used to when I go back to work in January...but it is not going to be easy by any means. Ah well, let's enjoy this Christmas while we have the time, and whatever January brings, let it come - I feel like we could deal with anything now.
Thursday 2 December 2010
D Day + 111: Wednesday 1 December 2010 - Snow, Again!!
It's hard to believe it's already December. The last few months seem to have flown by, despite us having to take things one day at a time. Time flies when you're having fun? Well, it certainly flies by when you're taking your time to deal with something like cancer; there's nothing like a life-threatening illness to make you sit back on your heels and make the most of each day.
Today there was a light smattering of snow everywhere - not enough to make everything grind to a halt, but certainly enough to make it all look very pretty and festive. Lovely. C and I decided to get up and on with it, so embarked on an early assault to Tesco, while Romilly and her friend Robyn vegged out in the lounge as their college trip to London had been cancelled. We went off in Monty (the Land Rover) in case of dodgy driving conditions, as he is very sturdy and ploughs his way through most things. Tesco was nice and quiet so we got round in record time. I have made a couple of Christmas purchases on this trip - the pudding (Mrs Peek's, on offer at £3, and absolutely delumshus) and what C thought was amusing to refer to as his 'loose nuts' - I usually leave it too late to get these and consequently get moaned at as Rom and C don't get to sit in front of the fire, crack nuts and chuck the shells in the log fire...gottem this time though; bet they don't eat the damn things now...
Once Robyn had left Romilly was a bit bored, so we decided to make a trip up the the Busy Bee garden centre and browse around Christmas World. This was a first for us - well, not for us exactly, but for C, as he normally wouldn't set foot in the place at this time of year, but to distract our child's boredom he made an exception. And it was down to him that we went there really, as he had this idea that it would be productive and a good way to pass the time for us to try some decoupage - I know, I know, but he'd watched Kirstie's Home Makeover or some such programme (don't ask) and she'd had a go at it, so he suggested we did. So off we went, fired up with enthusiasm, and hit the craft area with a vengeance. One basket, piles of crepe and tissue paper and large bottle of PVA glue later, we headed home to start. Now, to describe this activity makes it sound like the most boring thing in the world, because you do, literally, watch glue dry; but it was quite engrossing and therapeutic building up these layers of paper and glue, and it kept Romilly amused for a while. The end results were quite nice too. But having read this back to myself it does sound mind numbing so I'll move on!!!
Today there was a light smattering of snow everywhere - not enough to make everything grind to a halt, but certainly enough to make it all look very pretty and festive. Lovely. C and I decided to get up and on with it, so embarked on an early assault to Tesco, while Romilly and her friend Robyn vegged out in the lounge as their college trip to London had been cancelled. We went off in Monty (the Land Rover) in case of dodgy driving conditions, as he is very sturdy and ploughs his way through most things. Tesco was nice and quiet so we got round in record time. I have made a couple of Christmas purchases on this trip - the pudding (Mrs Peek's, on offer at £3, and absolutely delumshus) and what C thought was amusing to refer to as his 'loose nuts' - I usually leave it too late to get these and consequently get moaned at as Rom and C don't get to sit in front of the fire, crack nuts and chuck the shells in the log fire...gottem this time though; bet they don't eat the damn things now...
Once Robyn had left Romilly was a bit bored, so we decided to make a trip up the the Busy Bee garden centre and browse around Christmas World. This was a first for us - well, not for us exactly, but for C, as he normally wouldn't set foot in the place at this time of year, but to distract our child's boredom he made an exception. And it was down to him that we went there really, as he had this idea that it would be productive and a good way to pass the time for us to try some decoupage - I know, I know, but he'd watched Kirstie's Home Makeover or some such programme (don't ask) and she'd had a go at it, so he suggested we did. So off we went, fired up with enthusiasm, and hit the craft area with a vengeance. One basket, piles of crepe and tissue paper and large bottle of PVA glue later, we headed home to start. Now, to describe this activity makes it sound like the most boring thing in the world, because you do, literally, watch glue dry; but it was quite engrossing and therapeutic building up these layers of paper and glue, and it kept Romilly amused for a while. The end results were quite nice too. But having read this back to myself it does sound mind numbing so I'll move on!!!
Tuesday 30 November 2010
D Days 103 - 110: Things Are Catching Up With Me!
I realise it's been over a week since I blogged; truth is I've been so involved in other things that I haven't given this blog the time and effort it deserves, but in a way that's a good thing because it means life may at last be returning to some semblance or normality, i.e. I'm not spending my time focusing on our cancer story so much!!
Good news is that C is doing fine so far on Cycle 2 of the treatment - it's really encouraging to see him so in control of everything he can be, including organising his medication! Luckily so far (touch wood) there haven't been any side effects, although we are prepared that they are bound to kick in at some point; but he's also doing well mentally and is keen to get on and do things now that he might have been dubious about first time around. I guess we can say that the cancer is living with us, rather than us living with the cancer.
As my memory is rubbish at the moment it's not easy to recount everything that's happened in the last week; it probably wouldn't be that interesting anyway! But we have got on with things and it's been reassuringly normal. Romilly has a few Saturdays off work now that her colleague is back from holiday, so we made the most of that and went out and got the Christmas tree - don't panic, it's not in and decorated or anything, and because we bought a potted one it's hopefully going to last for a few years. It is currently residing on the patio, awaiting the proper time to come indoors. While we are at the garden centre we had a bit of lunch, and Rom and I had a look around Christmas World again...while C went off and put the tree in the Land Rover; you can only go so far with Christmas with him this early!
I also did my annual practice Christmas dinner on Sunday - it's not so much that I need to practise, but it's a good excuse to get a group of friends or family round and sit down to do those things usually reserved for The Day. I think it's safe to say I can produce a fairly respectable meal for 10 people without too much trouble...and everyone seemed to enjoy it; bodes well for the real thing!
Today (Tuesday) was spent sorting out yesterday's delivery of logs - they were in the garage and needed to be ferried down to the wood store, and/or split down to a manageable size. C and I started out doing this, and were then ably assisted by our neighbour Marc, who did a fabulous job with the heavy axe, and Chich who was an excellent barrow boy....we got the whole lot sorted by mid afternoon and my log store is now pleasingly full. Unfortunately I have very achy arms and feel that I am bound to suffer even more tomorrow...but it was great to get it done, and to see how much C enjoyed being out there doing something purposeful, just like he used to. Happy days.
Good news is that C is doing fine so far on Cycle 2 of the treatment - it's really encouraging to see him so in control of everything he can be, including organising his medication! Luckily so far (touch wood) there haven't been any side effects, although we are prepared that they are bound to kick in at some point; but he's also doing well mentally and is keen to get on and do things now that he might have been dubious about first time around. I guess we can say that the cancer is living with us, rather than us living with the cancer.
As my memory is rubbish at the moment it's not easy to recount everything that's happened in the last week; it probably wouldn't be that interesting anyway! But we have got on with things and it's been reassuringly normal. Romilly has a few Saturdays off work now that her colleague is back from holiday, so we made the most of that and went out and got the Christmas tree - don't panic, it's not in and decorated or anything, and because we bought a potted one it's hopefully going to last for a few years. It is currently residing on the patio, awaiting the proper time to come indoors. While we are at the garden centre we had a bit of lunch, and Rom and I had a look around Christmas World again...while C went off and put the tree in the Land Rover; you can only go so far with Christmas with him this early!
I also did my annual practice Christmas dinner on Sunday - it's not so much that I need to practise, but it's a good excuse to get a group of friends or family round and sit down to do those things usually reserved for The Day. I think it's safe to say I can produce a fairly respectable meal for 10 people without too much trouble...and everyone seemed to enjoy it; bodes well for the real thing!
Today (Tuesday) was spent sorting out yesterday's delivery of logs - they were in the garage and needed to be ferried down to the wood store, and/or split down to a manageable size. C and I started out doing this, and were then ably assisted by our neighbour Marc, who did a fabulous job with the heavy axe, and Chich who was an excellent barrow boy....we got the whole lot sorted by mid afternoon and my log store is now pleasingly full. Unfortunately I have very achy arms and feel that I am bound to suffer even more tomorrow...but it was great to get it done, and to see how much C enjoyed being out there doing something purposeful, just like he used to. Happy days.
Tuesday 23 November 2010
D Day + 102: Monday 22 November 2010 - Good News (C) and Bad News (me)
Well today was a mix of up and down!
This morning C went up to the hospital, again, to get a repeat blood test done - this is to check whether his blood count is back up to normal, so he can start the cancer treatment again. He should have started last Thursday so it was a bit worrying that we had to wait. While he went off and did that I took the dogs out for a long walk - I hadn't had the chance over the weekend due to being at work with Romilly, so we went for a long tramp up on the Down behind the house, through the woods, the mud and up into the clear air; it felt brilliant to be out again, I don't realise how much I miss it until I haven't done it for a while. And they get a good run into the bargain. C got home before me!!
We were on tenterhooks a bit about the blood results - C rang the Chemo Unit to let them know that he'd been in and they promised to chase the Path Lab up for a speed result. Thankfully they did it really quickly and the blood count is up above what Dr Madhave said the minimum should be, so we can go and collect the WMD again tomorrow and get him started on Cycle 2. Mixed emotions about this though - on the one hand it's nice to know that we can get back to hitting this cancer where it hurts (i.e. cutting off its blood supply), but also realise that C may well end up feeling tired again, with no appetite, and possible high blood pressure and skin dryness. But that's just the way it is, and we'll deal with whatever comes along, as we always do.
I went into work today - I'd been warned that there was a meeting with one of the senior managers about what cuts are going to be made, and thought it best to be there to get it from the horse's mouth. And it wasn't good news. The Council has to save £17m this financial year (so between now and April), and in our Directorate alone that means that around 100 people are going to lose their jobs. It affects practically everyone, and we'll all get 'at risk of redundancy' letters this week. We'll know more about the new structure next week, and redundancies will start after the end of February. There's no way of knowing who is going to lose their job, so you can imagine how unsettling and unhappy a situation this is for all of us - I know it's bad for me, but everyone has their own cross to bear, their own concerns and anxieties, so I'm no better or worse off than the rest of my colleagues. It's a very difficult situation for everyone and, as usual, a crappy time to be told! But then I guess there's no good time to tell people they might be redundant, is there?
C was very philosophical about it, and he's right - with what we have going on, losing my job is secondary, and somehow we'll work round it if it happens to me. Six months ago I would have been dancing around in frustration and anxiety; these days I just go with the flow - I don't have any control over it, and worrying about it won't change anything, so why bother! Ah Psychology, thy name is Karen.....
Thankfully tonight I had choir to cheer me up, which it does unfailingly. It was sopranos (tops) and altos (middles) tonight and we sang up a storm. Even Gaudeter is getting better!!! But there are still a few tweaks required, and with only three weeks to go until the concert time is tight. I did have fun though; we all seemed a bit light-headed and giddy (there are other Council employees in the choir so maybe this 'que sera' attitude is spreading!) and just belted out our notes. I think Hannah was impressed...well with some of it anyway!
And so home to I'm a Celebrity...and a very tired C. It's been an up and down few days really, and I think it's got to him a bit. Nothing that a hot bath, early night, and session with the ipad can't put right though, I'm sure. Oh, and a good night's sleep....
This morning C went up to the hospital, again, to get a repeat blood test done - this is to check whether his blood count is back up to normal, so he can start the cancer treatment again. He should have started last Thursday so it was a bit worrying that we had to wait. While he went off and did that I took the dogs out for a long walk - I hadn't had the chance over the weekend due to being at work with Romilly, so we went for a long tramp up on the Down behind the house, through the woods, the mud and up into the clear air; it felt brilliant to be out again, I don't realise how much I miss it until I haven't done it for a while. And they get a good run into the bargain. C got home before me!!
We were on tenterhooks a bit about the blood results - C rang the Chemo Unit to let them know that he'd been in and they promised to chase the Path Lab up for a speed result. Thankfully they did it really quickly and the blood count is up above what Dr Madhave said the minimum should be, so we can go and collect the WMD again tomorrow and get him started on Cycle 2. Mixed emotions about this though - on the one hand it's nice to know that we can get back to hitting this cancer where it hurts (i.e. cutting off its blood supply), but also realise that C may well end up feeling tired again, with no appetite, and possible high blood pressure and skin dryness. But that's just the way it is, and we'll deal with whatever comes along, as we always do.
I went into work today - I'd been warned that there was a meeting with one of the senior managers about what cuts are going to be made, and thought it best to be there to get it from the horse's mouth. And it wasn't good news. The Council has to save £17m this financial year (so between now and April), and in our Directorate alone that means that around 100 people are going to lose their jobs. It affects practically everyone, and we'll all get 'at risk of redundancy' letters this week. We'll know more about the new structure next week, and redundancies will start after the end of February. There's no way of knowing who is going to lose their job, so you can imagine how unsettling and unhappy a situation this is for all of us - I know it's bad for me, but everyone has their own cross to bear, their own concerns and anxieties, so I'm no better or worse off than the rest of my colleagues. It's a very difficult situation for everyone and, as usual, a crappy time to be told! But then I guess there's no good time to tell people they might be redundant, is there?
C was very philosophical about it, and he's right - with what we have going on, losing my job is secondary, and somehow we'll work round it if it happens to me. Six months ago I would have been dancing around in frustration and anxiety; these days I just go with the flow - I don't have any control over it, and worrying about it won't change anything, so why bother! Ah Psychology, thy name is Karen.....
Thankfully tonight I had choir to cheer me up, which it does unfailingly. It was sopranos (tops) and altos (middles) tonight and we sang up a storm. Even Gaudeter is getting better!!! But there are still a few tweaks required, and with only three weeks to go until the concert time is tight. I did have fun though; we all seemed a bit light-headed and giddy (there are other Council employees in the choir so maybe this 'que sera' attitude is spreading!) and just belted out our notes. I think Hannah was impressed...well with some of it anyway!
And so home to I'm a Celebrity...and a very tired C. It's been an up and down few days really, and I think it's got to him a bit. Nothing that a hot bath, early night, and session with the ipad can't put right though, I'm sure. Oh, and a good night's sleep....
D Day + 101: Sunday 21 November 2010 - Cold Comfort in Cowes
Have you ever been to Cowes in the winter? Walked down the High Street on a cold November day? I hadn't for a long time, and had therefore forgotten what a cold wind tunnel feels like...and there was quite a cold wind today!! Romilly's boss insists that the shop door is open whatever the weather, as it's deemed more welcoming for customers and encourages them to come in...which is lovely for them, if it does work, but rather chilly to say the least for those working within!! There is a heater above the door that blows the tiniest amount of warm air, and a halogen heater behind the counter, but when the open door is at a right angle to the counter and therefore blows cold air directly at the back of your legs, it's not that welcoming at all...But we managed. I went over to Sainsbury's to get some tuck for the day and we had comforting hot chocolate, rolls and soup for lunch, and Rom grazed on chocolate buttons and Ritz crackers (because she was hungover and trying to 'soak up' the alcohol). It was surprisingly busy today - we had some really nice people in, mostly women it has to be said, but they were all chatty and pleasant, and that always makes the day go quicker. Romilly bought me a lovely snuggly pink cardigan from the shop for my Christmas present, which I promptly put on as it was so warm!! Sunday hours are 10 to 4 so it wasn't too long a day and before I knew it we were shutting up shop and heading home. Another lovely day spent with my daughter. Bless her.
Meantime C had his work crew round - Chich and Arther - accompanied by Jill, to refelt the shed roof. No mean feat this, as it involves getting on the roof and lugging heavy strips of felt into position - but fortified by several cups of tea/coffee (courtesy of C the Charwaller) and bacon rolls (courtesy of Jill) they got it done in no time and C's shed, and all his treasures contained therein, are now safe from the weather once more. It did mean however that C had to forgo his weekly breakfast meeting with Neil.....
Rom and I got home around 4.30 and it was nice to come out of the dark into our warm snug little cottage. I made dinner - a wonderful 'winter warmer' of toad-in-the-hole and mashed potatoes - for them, and cooking wine for me. I've often wondered why on earth sausages in batter is called toad in the hole, and have found the following explanation: The origin of the name "Toad-in-the-Hole" is often disputed. Many suggestions are that the dish's resemblance to a toad sticking its head out of a hole provide the dish with its somewhat unusual name. Personally I have never seen a toad sticking its head out of a hole, of whatever variety you care to mention, and would run a mile if I ever did; which reminds me of something that happened when we lived at our old house...
Rom and I were in the garden, one day in the summer, and had filled up her paddling pool as it was so hot. Our garden was fenced in, but at the back it backed onto a pub car park, this end of which was overgrown with brambles and various under/over growth - a fabulous hunting ground for our then cat, Kiwi, who used to frequently appear in the garden with various prey he had captured, usually slow-worms which he held in his mouth and which looked like a very mobile Salvador Dali-type moustache. So clearly this area of vegetation harboured all sorts of creatures...which we discovered to our horror once the paddling pool was full. Rom and I went in for lunch, and went back out into the garden to switch off the hose and sit in the sun. There we were enjoying the sunshine, when we heard this noise...and out of the corner of my eye I spotted movement. Not realising what it was I went over to investigate...and leapt four feet in the air when I got close and saw it was a toad, clearly having been drawn out of the shade by the tempting pool full of water. Shock kicked in, and the scream shot out - I ran across the lawn wailing like a banshee and shouting at Romilly to get indoors; of course she panicked too, seeing my turning into a crazy mad wailing woman running in the opposite direction; heaven knows what the hell the neighbours thought was happening! Safely in the kitchen, with the door firmly shut, we both collapsed on the floor and laughed hysterically (which I am doing RIGHT NOW recalling this!!!!) to await the arrival of a knight in shining armour to remove said offending reptile to a safe distance - cue Chich, not a moment too soon.
But I digress, and now I've wiped the tears away I can finish this post! Dinner was a success - I have finally mastered the art of making batter - and Rom went off to snuggle down in bed to watch TV while I caught up with I'm A Celebrity. Oh my aching stomach muscles...
Meantime C had his work crew round - Chich and Arther - accompanied by Jill, to refelt the shed roof. No mean feat this, as it involves getting on the roof and lugging heavy strips of felt into position - but fortified by several cups of tea/coffee (courtesy of C the Charwaller) and bacon rolls (courtesy of Jill) they got it done in no time and C's shed, and all his treasures contained therein, are now safe from the weather once more. It did mean however that C had to forgo his weekly breakfast meeting with Neil.....
Rom and I got home around 4.30 and it was nice to come out of the dark into our warm snug little cottage. I made dinner - a wonderful 'winter warmer' of toad-in-the-hole and mashed potatoes - for them, and cooking wine for me. I've often wondered why on earth sausages in batter is called toad in the hole, and have found the following explanation: The origin of the name "Toad-in-the-Hole" is often disputed. Many suggestions are that the dish's resemblance to a toad sticking its head out of a hole provide the dish with its somewhat unusual name. Personally I have never seen a toad sticking its head out of a hole, of whatever variety you care to mention, and would run a mile if I ever did; which reminds me of something that happened when we lived at our old house...
Rom and I were in the garden, one day in the summer, and had filled up her paddling pool as it was so hot. Our garden was fenced in, but at the back it backed onto a pub car park, this end of which was overgrown with brambles and various under/over growth - a fabulous hunting ground for our then cat, Kiwi, who used to frequently appear in the garden with various prey he had captured, usually slow-worms which he held in his mouth and which looked like a very mobile Salvador Dali-type moustache. So clearly this area of vegetation harboured all sorts of creatures...which we discovered to our horror once the paddling pool was full. Rom and I went in for lunch, and went back out into the garden to switch off the hose and sit in the sun. There we were enjoying the sunshine, when we heard this noise...and out of the corner of my eye I spotted movement. Not realising what it was I went over to investigate...and leapt four feet in the air when I got close and saw it was a toad, clearly having been drawn out of the shade by the tempting pool full of water. Shock kicked in, and the scream shot out - I ran across the lawn wailing like a banshee and shouting at Romilly to get indoors; of course she panicked too, seeing my turning into a crazy mad wailing woman running in the opposite direction; heaven knows what the hell the neighbours thought was happening! Safely in the kitchen, with the door firmly shut, we both collapsed on the floor and laughed hysterically (which I am doing RIGHT NOW recalling this!!!!) to await the arrival of a knight in shining armour to remove said offending reptile to a safe distance - cue Chich, not a moment too soon.
But I digress, and now I've wiped the tears away I can finish this post! Dinner was a success - I have finally mastered the art of making batter - and Rom went off to snuggle down in bed to watch TV while I caught up with I'm A Celebrity. Oh my aching stomach muscles...
D Day + 100: Saturday 20 November 2010 - A Change of Routine
Romilly had a bit of an 'implosion' when she got home last night - I don't think she's coping with everything as well as I'd hoped and things are getting to her a bit. She'd had a bit of a falling out with one of her friends, about something minor, but as this friend has a tendency to act like a princess (in the worst sense of the word) and basically isn't interested in anyone's welfare except her own it's hard to see why she's worth getting worked up about - but Romilly does get upset when they fall out, and on top of everything else she's doing it was clearly too much this time. I tried to calm her down and help her see it's not worth the angst, but she was tired and tearful and it wasn't easy. And the upshot was that she didn't want to go to work today - she would be on her own as her colleague is still on holiday, and so I did my Mummy To The Rescue act and offered to go in with her for the day. Which is a complete change to what I do on Saturdays normally - but it was definitely worth it to see her cheer up, open up and smile. I acted as the gopher, and made several trips to the coffee shop across the road for sustenance. It was really nice to spend so much time with her, as I don't get the chance very often, and I think she enjoyed being in charge of me! I don't think I embarrassed her and she seemed to enjoy our time together; by the end of the day she was much happier and smilier and was looking forward to her evening out with Dan's family for his sister's 18th birthday party.
So I dropped her off and went home - to find C ensconced in the lounge having survived the day without me (I knew he could do it!), having had company from Chich to watch the football, do lunch etc for a few hours as well. It's a few months since I've done a full day at work so I was shattered, and C did the most appropriate thing - brought me a large glass of wine!!! It is my refuge...what can I say; it's also my only vice. After a bath and dinner, and sitting in front of the fire I felt much better, and much tireder, so didn't stay up too late.
I had tried to get Rom the day off tomorrow (she's covering all weekend) but unfortunately it's a bit late for her boss to get anyone to cover - I did ring and talk to her boss about it, but it was a no-goer, which didn't go down well with Rom as frankly she's flagging a bit at the moment what with college, jobs, etc etc. So I said I'd keep her company again tomorrow.
C seems to have coped well on his own - I know it's only one day, but it is testament to his determination to be normal that he managed it; it would be easy to sit in the chair all day and feel low and sorry for himself, and we have both done that before now, but life is still going on, and will go on, and we have to go along with it. And right now that's not too difficult, thankfully. One day at a time!
So I dropped her off and went home - to find C ensconced in the lounge having survived the day without me (I knew he could do it!), having had company from Chich to watch the football, do lunch etc for a few hours as well. It's a few months since I've done a full day at work so I was shattered, and C did the most appropriate thing - brought me a large glass of wine!!! It is my refuge...what can I say; it's also my only vice. After a bath and dinner, and sitting in front of the fire I felt much better, and much tireder, so didn't stay up too late.
I had tried to get Rom the day off tomorrow (she's covering all weekend) but unfortunately it's a bit late for her boss to get anyone to cover - I did ring and talk to her boss about it, but it was a no-goer, which didn't go down well with Rom as frankly she's flagging a bit at the moment what with college, jobs, etc etc. So I said I'd keep her company again tomorrow.
C seems to have coped well on his own - I know it's only one day, but it is testament to his determination to be normal that he managed it; it would be easy to sit in the chair all day and feel low and sorry for himself, and we have both done that before now, but life is still going on, and will go on, and we have to go along with it. And right now that's not too difficult, thankfully. One day at a time!
D Day + 99: Friday 19 November 2010 - Almost Out Of Double Figures
I've just realise that we're nearly 100 days into this cancer, i.e. since we had the formal diagnosis. Does that sound like a lot? It feels like a long time; in fact I struggle to remember what life was like when we didn't know and were living in what we can now call blissful ignorance.
I had planned to get out in the garden today, but the rain came down quite early on so I abandoned that idea, which was vindicated when our ex-neighbours Bill and Di popped in. They moved out to Portugal a year ago, and were visiting to attend their friend's wedding (who incidentally used to own our house!). Bill has a particular fondness for Sidney, which I think I've mentioned before, so he really comes back to see him and puts up with us along the way!! But it was really nice to see them again, and hear how well they are doing out in Portugal - they have a lovely house with huge grounds, a pool, and are starting to grow their own fruit, veg and grazing for their horses. I am going to start calling them Tom and Barbara....
We had a pootle (don't you love that word??) into Ryde this afternoon - we had to collect a repeat prescription for C so wandered around a bit, got some takeaway lunch and a couple of 'bits' (Sellotape, stamps, you know, the boring stuff) and headed home. C tucked into his hot sausage baguette with gusto, which is nice to see as he was off his food for some time recently; he even managed to avoid getting the obligatory brown sauce down himself...
All in all it's been a quiet day, which we rounded off with a nice log fire in the evening as it has got quite cold again. Things seem fairly normal at the moment in the sense that we've had no major dramas and C is doing fine. Time to celebrate with some nice cold wine methinks...
I had planned to get out in the garden today, but the rain came down quite early on so I abandoned that idea, which was vindicated when our ex-neighbours Bill and Di popped in. They moved out to Portugal a year ago, and were visiting to attend their friend's wedding (who incidentally used to own our house!). Bill has a particular fondness for Sidney, which I think I've mentioned before, so he really comes back to see him and puts up with us along the way!! But it was really nice to see them again, and hear how well they are doing out in Portugal - they have a lovely house with huge grounds, a pool, and are starting to grow their own fruit, veg and grazing for their horses. I am going to start calling them Tom and Barbara....
We had a pootle (don't you love that word??) into Ryde this afternoon - we had to collect a repeat prescription for C so wandered around a bit, got some takeaway lunch and a couple of 'bits' (Sellotape, stamps, you know, the boring stuff) and headed home. C tucked into his hot sausage baguette with gusto, which is nice to see as he was off his food for some time recently; he even managed to avoid getting the obligatory brown sauce down himself...
All in all it's been a quiet day, which we rounded off with a nice log fire in the evening as it has got quite cold again. Things seem fairly normal at the moment in the sense that we've had no major dramas and C is doing fine. Time to celebrate with some nice cold wine methinks...
Friday 19 November 2010
D Day + 98: Thursday 18 November 2010 - Tenterhooks and Setback
I forgot to mention something exciting yesterday!!! I bought a ticket for the Isle of Wight Festival!!! I know this may not seem that interesting to those diehard Festival goers amongst you, but I have never been; in fact I spent the first few years it was on moaning about it as it always seems to be around mine and Romilly's birthday - 12 June - which interfered with family gatherings, parties etc etc. This time around I've decided to embrace it and actually go, and that decision seems to be vindicated each time a new act is announced because they are all ones that seem good to me (although I have to confess I am not all that 'up' on the music scene, so I check out the acts on Youtube for a bit of a taster, and so far so good). I have also posted a request on The Cure's official website because if there is one act I would love to see live, it's them. Fingers crossed....
Once we were up and about this morning there was a sense of kicking our heels until it was time to leave for the hospital. C had an appointment with Jane, the psychologist, at 12 and as we were set to go early (as usual) we pootled off way too early and were there by 11.35 - but he went in anyway, and I went off to have a cuppa with my sister. I haven't seen much of Kealy lately; she's a very busy mum of three and lives in Newport, so it's not always easy to get to see each other given commitments with work, kids' activities, our own activities etc etc. We were never that close as kids, but have become so as adults, and although we don't get together that regularly I know she is always there for me and if I have a panic, or need her, or whatever all I have to do is call and she'll be there. Love her - that's what having a sister is really about. While I was there C rang to say he was out of his appointment, which seemed a bit early, but after initial discussion Jane had said that he seems to be dealing with things so well that there isn't much else she can work on with him. She's left it open so he can go back if/when things change, so that's a nice cushion to have. He walked up to Kealy's from the hospital, which he initially refused to do but actually enjoyed once he'd put his mind to it!!! And off we went to have some lunch before seeing Dr M, the oncologist.
Our appointment was scheduled for 3.30, and we'd been taking bets on what time we actually got in there - last time it was 45 minutes after the appointment time. This time it was 40 minutes, so I guess you could say things are improving! Dr M had the results of the blood test C had last week - it showed that his blood count of platelets is quite low, which means that he can't start the cancer treatment again just yet; he has to go for another blood test on Monday so they can re-check it, and if it's back up to normal he can start. If it's not we have to wait, then have another one the week after and go back to Dr M at the beginning of December. The low blood count means that his blood is too thin, which has implications if he cuts/knocks/grazes himself as it won't clot properly - the drug he is on for the cancer has this effect, and explains why he has nose bleeds and such a huge bruise on his arm from the visit to Pathology. Let's just hope that Monday's test shows better results and we can crack on again. We are being positive about it, as we have to be, and just carrying on. It's just so frustrating that everything is out of our hands.
I had choir again tonight, my life saver. Things are really coming together now and I'm really proud of how well everyone is getting to grips with such a varied repertoire - some of it is simple enought (the traditional stuff), some is quite tricky (some more modern stuff) and some is downright scary (Gaudete!!) but we are making progress and the end result will, I'm sure, be fabulous. Tickets are apparently selling really well too, so if you haven't got one....better get on with it!!
Once we were up and about this morning there was a sense of kicking our heels until it was time to leave for the hospital. C had an appointment with Jane, the psychologist, at 12 and as we were set to go early (as usual) we pootled off way too early and were there by 11.35 - but he went in anyway, and I went off to have a cuppa with my sister. I haven't seen much of Kealy lately; she's a very busy mum of three and lives in Newport, so it's not always easy to get to see each other given commitments with work, kids' activities, our own activities etc etc. We were never that close as kids, but have become so as adults, and although we don't get together that regularly I know she is always there for me and if I have a panic, or need her, or whatever all I have to do is call and she'll be there. Love her - that's what having a sister is really about. While I was there C rang to say he was out of his appointment, which seemed a bit early, but after initial discussion Jane had said that he seems to be dealing with things so well that there isn't much else she can work on with him. She's left it open so he can go back if/when things change, so that's a nice cushion to have. He walked up to Kealy's from the hospital, which he initially refused to do but actually enjoyed once he'd put his mind to it!!! And off we went to have some lunch before seeing Dr M, the oncologist.
Our appointment was scheduled for 3.30, and we'd been taking bets on what time we actually got in there - last time it was 45 minutes after the appointment time. This time it was 40 minutes, so I guess you could say things are improving! Dr M had the results of the blood test C had last week - it showed that his blood count of platelets is quite low, which means that he can't start the cancer treatment again just yet; he has to go for another blood test on Monday so they can re-check it, and if it's back up to normal he can start. If it's not we have to wait, then have another one the week after and go back to Dr M at the beginning of December. The low blood count means that his blood is too thin, which has implications if he cuts/knocks/grazes himself as it won't clot properly - the drug he is on for the cancer has this effect, and explains why he has nose bleeds and such a huge bruise on his arm from the visit to Pathology. Let's just hope that Monday's test shows better results and we can crack on again. We are being positive about it, as we have to be, and just carrying on. It's just so frustrating that everything is out of our hands.
I had choir again tonight, my life saver. Things are really coming together now and I'm really proud of how well everyone is getting to grips with such a varied repertoire - some of it is simple enought (the traditional stuff), some is quite tricky (some more modern stuff) and some is downright scary (Gaudete!!) but we are making progress and the end result will, I'm sure, be fabulous. Tickets are apparently selling really well too, so if you haven't got one....better get on with it!!
Thursday 18 November 2010
D Day + 97: Wednesday 17 November 2010 - Rain, Wind and Fire
What's happened to the weather???? We woke up this morning to howling wind and lashing rain...such a contrast to recently it was a bit of a shock. Needless to say it was so bad that we didn't feel remotely inspired to venture out at all - C got on with varnishing the door again while I did some chores. We did have to do the Tesco run though, which once again wasn't too bad nor too expensive for a change!! There is always a feeling of stocking up and battening down the hatches when the weather's bad.
I think we've both been sensing a bit of a downer coming on as today was the last day of his two weeks off treatment for the cancer. He's been so well since the cycle ended that it's difficult in a way to contemplate putting him in that position again - he's had more energy, been less tired in the evening, been much much more positive and outgoing, eaten well, laughed more and not looked or acted like someone who to all intents and purposes is seriously ill. He's been just like C before the cancer. Even Romilly commented that he's singing in the morning again, which used to annoy both of us back then, but now it makes us smile as we know he feels better. So contemplating this coming to an end again, albeit hopefully temporarily, is a daunting prospect because we've seen the contrast now, we've been lulled into a false sense of reality and have been able to forget that he has cancer, and that it's serious, and that he has a long way to go. We'd forgotten, not just pretended, but actually forgotten about the cancer, so realising that tomorrow we see the oncologist again, and get the next batch of WMD, and start the treatment again brings it all back to earth with an almighty, unwelcome thump.
I was due to take Fleur (the cat) to the vet today for the second part of her inoculations booster - Romilly had taken her two weeks ago for the first bit, but as she was at work this afternoon this task fell to me once again. And task it was...that cat KNOWS what it means when the pet carrier comes out, and nice as I try to make it inside, all cosy and like a hideyhole, she refuses to go anywhere near it. Thankfully she was indoors anyway due to the bad weather, but once you try and maneouvre her into that carrier it's the devil's own job to keep hold of her! I was reminded of that poem about a cat owner trying to give the cat some tablets; me trying to get Fleur into the carrier was just like that. Imagine if you will - I am dressed for the wet weather (or as I now know, in my manic cat-handling gear - that's the cat who's manic, not me) in full length waxed coat and fleece gloves, with a writhing feline tucked under one arm. I pop her into the carrier and close the door thinking I have her contained; then take my hand away, realise I haven't closed the door properly, and realise this too late while I watch her make a swift exit and shoot off upstairs. Off I go in my full length wax coat (which makes a weird noise when I move and which Fleur has not seen before) to retrieve her, she sees me coming, turns tail and heads into the back room - I enter, shut the door to contain her, grab her once again (by which time she is now making some worryingly frightening growly noises and twitching her tail while looking right at me with HUGE eyes). Off downstairs again, call C to hold the carrier still while I try and push her into it. Have you ever tried to push a cat into a carrier when they don't want to go there? It's a bit like, hmmm, pushing jelly upwards through a sieve; it doesn't happen. Every time I got closer to the carrier, Fleur wriggled backwards under my right arm, leaving my left hand holding her two front paws and very little else. I grab her again, hold her against my front, and try to get her head into the carrier, which she twists around under my right arm again, while I then try to push her in bottom first. And she does a reverse starfish impression. At this point C and I realise that she is not going to go into the carrier, that I am not going to get her to the vet, and am going to have to confess this to the receptionist. Which I do, very apologetically, whilst removing what had been my full length wax coat and fleece gloves, and which now appear to be a fur coat and gloves in the making. Nice.
So we didn't go out today. I lit the fire at about 4pm, lit the candles and put the lights on - it was almost dark, still raining, and frankly we were in the best place!
The parcel arrived from Hawkin's Bazaar, so I spent the evening wrapping Christmas presents while C watched the football on TV. Rom came home from working at Argos, and thawed her wet feet in front of the fire. A very peaceful end to a fairly horrible day.
I think we've both been sensing a bit of a downer coming on as today was the last day of his two weeks off treatment for the cancer. He's been so well since the cycle ended that it's difficult in a way to contemplate putting him in that position again - he's had more energy, been less tired in the evening, been much much more positive and outgoing, eaten well, laughed more and not looked or acted like someone who to all intents and purposes is seriously ill. He's been just like C before the cancer. Even Romilly commented that he's singing in the morning again, which used to annoy both of us back then, but now it makes us smile as we know he feels better. So contemplating this coming to an end again, albeit hopefully temporarily, is a daunting prospect because we've seen the contrast now, we've been lulled into a false sense of reality and have been able to forget that he has cancer, and that it's serious, and that he has a long way to go. We'd forgotten, not just pretended, but actually forgotten about the cancer, so realising that tomorrow we see the oncologist again, and get the next batch of WMD, and start the treatment again brings it all back to earth with an almighty, unwelcome thump.
I was due to take Fleur (the cat) to the vet today for the second part of her inoculations booster - Romilly had taken her two weeks ago for the first bit, but as she was at work this afternoon this task fell to me once again. And task it was...that cat KNOWS what it means when the pet carrier comes out, and nice as I try to make it inside, all cosy and like a hideyhole, she refuses to go anywhere near it. Thankfully she was indoors anyway due to the bad weather, but once you try and maneouvre her into that carrier it's the devil's own job to keep hold of her! I was reminded of that poem about a cat owner trying to give the cat some tablets; me trying to get Fleur into the carrier was just like that. Imagine if you will - I am dressed for the wet weather (or as I now know, in my manic cat-handling gear - that's the cat who's manic, not me) in full length waxed coat and fleece gloves, with a writhing feline tucked under one arm. I pop her into the carrier and close the door thinking I have her contained; then take my hand away, realise I haven't closed the door properly, and realise this too late while I watch her make a swift exit and shoot off upstairs. Off I go in my full length wax coat (which makes a weird noise when I move and which Fleur has not seen before) to retrieve her, she sees me coming, turns tail and heads into the back room - I enter, shut the door to contain her, grab her once again (by which time she is now making some worryingly frightening growly noises and twitching her tail while looking right at me with HUGE eyes). Off downstairs again, call C to hold the carrier still while I try and push her into it. Have you ever tried to push a cat into a carrier when they don't want to go there? It's a bit like, hmmm, pushing jelly upwards through a sieve; it doesn't happen. Every time I got closer to the carrier, Fleur wriggled backwards under my right arm, leaving my left hand holding her two front paws and very little else. I grab her again, hold her against my front, and try to get her head into the carrier, which she twists around under my right arm again, while I then try to push her in bottom first. And she does a reverse starfish impression. At this point C and I realise that she is not going to go into the carrier, that I am not going to get her to the vet, and am going to have to confess this to the receptionist. Which I do, very apologetically, whilst removing what had been my full length wax coat and fleece gloves, and which now appear to be a fur coat and gloves in the making. Nice.
So we didn't go out today. I lit the fire at about 4pm, lit the candles and put the lights on - it was almost dark, still raining, and frankly we were in the best place!
The parcel arrived from Hawkin's Bazaar, so I spent the evening wrapping Christmas presents while C watched the football on TV. Rom came home from working at Argos, and thawed her wet feet in front of the fire. A very peaceful end to a fairly horrible day.
D Day + 96: Tuesday 16 November 2010: Presents
This morning I ordered the bits for the Christmas stockings I do each year for my nephews and niece - it might seem a bit previous to some of you, but I like to know that I've got most of the Christmas stuff done early so it allows me plenty of 'panic time' in December. I use this fab website called Hawkin's Bazaar, because they do lots of affordable toys and things that kids love - and as I refuse point blank to buy anything that involves a games console or DVD player there is plenty of choice of what I suppose are now 'old fashioned' toys and games designed to get kids moving about, and preferably outside! Toys that I remember my younger brother getting for Christmas, and him disappearing once he was dressed to try them out in the garden or the street with his mates...like a bow and arrow!!! Yep, got one of those....
I have four nephews you see, and it's impossible for me to know what to get them as they are growing and changing all the time (plus as my younger brother and I don't communicate I can't ask him), so it's very much an exercise in remembering what nippers used to like to play with when I was their age and going from there. Some of it is a bit mischievous so they can play tricks on their parents and/or visiting families....fun for them if no-one else! And when you are aged 10, 9, and 6 you should be enjoying yourself at Christmas!! My youngest nephew isn't 1 until mid-January so he's a bit easier to buy for at the moment! And my niece, who's 4 and a half, is just a princess, and having a princess of my own I just go with what she likes.
C went and bought the felt for the shed roof this morning - did I mention we'd had some damage in the winds recently? Part of the shed felt blew off the other day and we've done a temporary repair with tarpaulin and staple gun; thankfully we have two willing volunteers in Chich and Arth, who are coming over at the weekend (weather permitting) to re-felt it before the tarpaulin itself sails off into the sky...Of course I completely forgot that the felt was in the Land Rover, so when I went off to walk the mutts it was a bit of a surprise to find it in there...and as it's heavy duty it is, actually, heavy so I couldn't move it - they had to make to with less room in the back.
I had an appointment at the hairdresser's this afternoon, so C came with me as he said he wanted to go for a wander around Newport. He's got an urge to buy something; he doesn't know what he wants to buy - now I can't understand this, and I think all the ladies will empathise. I NEVER have any trouble whatsoever in finding something to buy, I can always find nice things that I'd like, or would like for the house, or someone else; it doesn't matter where I am, or how much money I have or haven't got, or whether there's a reason to buy anything, but buy something I will. I opine that this is because women have a basic grasp that you don't necessarily have to NEED something to buy it; WANT is enough, but men are more practical and don't do fripperies, so if it doesn't (a) do anything or (b) plug into something they have trouble justifying the expense. Am I right or am I right????
Hercule Poirot says, in one of Agatha Christie's books, that a woman can always trust three people: her priest, her hairdresser and her private detective (I know, but he was old fashioned and in those days most women had at least one of these!) and should always be up front with them. I have a hairdresser, and I've known her for, crikey, must be getting on for 20 years or so now, so talking to her about what's happening with C is quite a cathartic process and gives me a totally different perspective from other people I talk to, mainly because she knew C quite well and was part of the family for seven years when she was living with my younger brother (the one I don't speak with). It's almost like a confessional, although I'm imagining this as I've never been to confession personally, but it does me good and I get my hair done into the bargain. We talk about all sorts of stuff, including C, and the cancer, and the fact the my younger brother (the one I don't talk to) is an ostrich closely resembling Victor Meldrew and/or a hermit. But I don't want to go into that....suffice it to say that the hour I was there did me a power of good and was very reassuring for my doubting self confidence.
C didn't buy anything in the end - I picked him up in the town empty handed. I did suggest he could have done some of his Christmas shopping, i.e. my presents, but he likes to do that with Romilly, "And anyway", he said, "It's not December yet."
I have four nephews you see, and it's impossible for me to know what to get them as they are growing and changing all the time (plus as my younger brother and I don't communicate I can't ask him), so it's very much an exercise in remembering what nippers used to like to play with when I was their age and going from there. Some of it is a bit mischievous so they can play tricks on their parents and/or visiting families....fun for them if no-one else! And when you are aged 10, 9, and 6 you should be enjoying yourself at Christmas!! My youngest nephew isn't 1 until mid-January so he's a bit easier to buy for at the moment! And my niece, who's 4 and a half, is just a princess, and having a princess of my own I just go with what she likes.
C went and bought the felt for the shed roof this morning - did I mention we'd had some damage in the winds recently? Part of the shed felt blew off the other day and we've done a temporary repair with tarpaulin and staple gun; thankfully we have two willing volunteers in Chich and Arth, who are coming over at the weekend (weather permitting) to re-felt it before the tarpaulin itself sails off into the sky...Of course I completely forgot that the felt was in the Land Rover, so when I went off to walk the mutts it was a bit of a surprise to find it in there...and as it's heavy duty it is, actually, heavy so I couldn't move it - they had to make to with less room in the back.
I had an appointment at the hairdresser's this afternoon, so C came with me as he said he wanted to go for a wander around Newport. He's got an urge to buy something; he doesn't know what he wants to buy - now I can't understand this, and I think all the ladies will empathise. I NEVER have any trouble whatsoever in finding something to buy, I can always find nice things that I'd like, or would like for the house, or someone else; it doesn't matter where I am, or how much money I have or haven't got, or whether there's a reason to buy anything, but buy something I will. I opine that this is because women have a basic grasp that you don't necessarily have to NEED something to buy it; WANT is enough, but men are more practical and don't do fripperies, so if it doesn't (a) do anything or (b) plug into something they have trouble justifying the expense. Am I right or am I right????
Hercule Poirot says, in one of Agatha Christie's books, that a woman can always trust three people: her priest, her hairdresser and her private detective (I know, but he was old fashioned and in those days most women had at least one of these!) and should always be up front with them. I have a hairdresser, and I've known her for, crikey, must be getting on for 20 years or so now, so talking to her about what's happening with C is quite a cathartic process and gives me a totally different perspective from other people I talk to, mainly because she knew C quite well and was part of the family for seven years when she was living with my younger brother (the one I don't speak with). It's almost like a confessional, although I'm imagining this as I've never been to confession personally, but it does me good and I get my hair done into the bargain. We talk about all sorts of stuff, including C, and the cancer, and the fact the my younger brother (the one I don't talk to) is an ostrich closely resembling Victor Meldrew and/or a hermit. But I don't want to go into that....suffice it to say that the hour I was there did me a power of good and was very reassuring for my doubting self confidence.
C didn't buy anything in the end - I picked him up in the town empty handed. I did suggest he could have done some of his Christmas shopping, i.e. my presents, but he likes to do that with Romilly, "And anyway", he said, "It's not December yet."
Wednesday 17 November 2010
D Day + 95: Monday 15 November 2010 - A Touch of Work
Amazingly this morning I managed to get myself up and dressed at a decent hour - because my lovely friend Deb had asked a favour: Could I proof read and format a report for her as it was urgent and a bit contentious. Of course I could, it's something I haven't done in ages and I'll do anything to help her our. So there I was, poised and ready at 8.15 this morning when she arrived. I was even up before C, which is unusual in itself. Deb is an Autism Inclusion Specialist, which means that she works with kids who have a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, giving support and advice to school staff to make the kids' time in school more easy and productive. And she's very very good at it. In fact she's very very good at a lot of things, and being a friend is another of them. Love her to bits (NIALW!!)
So I spent the morning going through this report for her and it was nice to be doing something practical and useful - not that what I am doing at home isn't just that; but this is what I do for a living, and I'd forgotten how nice it feels to make a difference for someone in the job they do. And she brought chocolate cake as a thank you so that was another bonus!!
C got to grips with varnishing the new back door this morning, having nipped down to Morey's to purchase the required equipment (we never seem to have any decent paintbrushes in stock...) The door was a bit of a bugger to move as it's so heavy (which Wayne the carpenter says is good, because it means it's been made as 'Douglas Fir mortice and tenon', whatever that means). It's standing up in the utility room, which means it's out of the way, but I'm not sure it's completely safe from having part of the coat of at least one of the animals attached to it at some point....Still, it does look nice and hopefully Wayne will get up to fit it soon...as long as the weather's right.
The weather is beautiful at the moment, it's that lovely cold, crisp and clear weather that makes you start to feel a bit Christmassy. Walking to dogs is an absolute joy at the moment because being up high on the Down with these amazing views and such head-clearing fresh air makes me want to sing out loud; and actually I do, to whatever's playing on the ipod, after having carefully checked there's no-one about...although I'm sure that I must have been spotted/heard at some point and no doubt someone somewhere has got home from their dog walk and told their partner/parent/child about the slightly odd woman who marches around Culver Down singing to herself.....
...which was good practice for me because I went to the choir sectional again tonight. Monday rehearsals are extra at the moment for separate parts of the choir to work on different aspects of the repertoire that are tricky for them. This week it was tenors and basses - the lower end of the choir - but it's always useful, says Hannah, for other parts to be there to provide the accompaniment for whoever's turn it is to help with timing and pitch etc. Last week I had been the only soprano, so it was a relief when Roz and Rowena turned up too this time!! Very useful evening once again - Gaudete is starting to feel a lot less intimidating!
So I spent the morning going through this report for her and it was nice to be doing something practical and useful - not that what I am doing at home isn't just that; but this is what I do for a living, and I'd forgotten how nice it feels to make a difference for someone in the job they do. And she brought chocolate cake as a thank you so that was another bonus!!
C got to grips with varnishing the new back door this morning, having nipped down to Morey's to purchase the required equipment (we never seem to have any decent paintbrushes in stock...) The door was a bit of a bugger to move as it's so heavy (which Wayne the carpenter says is good, because it means it's been made as 'Douglas Fir mortice and tenon', whatever that means). It's standing up in the utility room, which means it's out of the way, but I'm not sure it's completely safe from having part of the coat of at least one of the animals attached to it at some point....Still, it does look nice and hopefully Wayne will get up to fit it soon...as long as the weather's right.
The weather is beautiful at the moment, it's that lovely cold, crisp and clear weather that makes you start to feel a bit Christmassy. Walking to dogs is an absolute joy at the moment because being up high on the Down with these amazing views and such head-clearing fresh air makes me want to sing out loud; and actually I do, to whatever's playing on the ipod, after having carefully checked there's no-one about...although I'm sure that I must have been spotted/heard at some point and no doubt someone somewhere has got home from their dog walk and told their partner/parent/child about the slightly odd woman who marches around Culver Down singing to herself.....
...which was good practice for me because I went to the choir sectional again tonight. Monday rehearsals are extra at the moment for separate parts of the choir to work on different aspects of the repertoire that are tricky for them. This week it was tenors and basses - the lower end of the choir - but it's always useful, says Hannah, for other parts to be there to provide the accompaniment for whoever's turn it is to help with timing and pitch etc. Last week I had been the only soprano, so it was a relief when Roz and Rowena turned up too this time!! Very useful evening once again - Gaudete is starting to feel a lot less intimidating!
D Day + 94: Sunday 14 November 2010 - Getting into the Spirit
As C's weekly breakfast liaison with Neil is underway on a regular basis again (Neil's been poorly so didn't want to risk passing it on) I took the chance to do some nice festive things this morning while he was out of the house! It's not that he doesn't like Christmas, he just doesn't get into it until December, a lot of which is possibly down to him having his birthday on 13th, so we try not to get too festive before that or it all gets caught up and missed a bit. But I get into it quite early, on a hopefully subtle basis, because we start rehearsing the choir Christmas repertoire in September!!! Can't help but get into it after a few weeks of trilling carols....So this morning, once the coast was clear, I put on some Christmas music, lit the Cranberry Chutney Yankee candle, and started making some more Shaker hearts. Such a therapeutic and relaxing pastime...with a nice end product; but made slightly more difficult due to Her Majesty Fleur the Cat deciding that this morning she wanted to curl up on my lap - she doesn't normally 'do' laps! But the time passed quickly and before I knew it C was back and Christmas was put away again for another time.
Things have been fairly quiet at home, as I've mentioned before, what with Romilly housesitting at Kealy's and our life ticking away nice and steadily. It's nice to feel calm and relaxed, a lot of which is down to not having to squeeze work into the equation I know, and it is suprising (or is it) how much more you are aware of things when you are not running around chasing your own tail - like how the garden is changing all the time with the seasons, how clear the sky is when the sun is shining, and how busy everyone seems to be! I take comfort in knowing that things are carrying on as normal, and hope to jump on the 'normal' train again; it's just been nice hanging around the station for a lot longer than usual. In fact I realised today that C and I have never spent so much time together in all our married life - even before we had Romilly. There was always work, family, then kids, then kids' activities, etc etc etc. It's been a fairly steep learning curve but thankfully we've weathered it well, a lot of which I put down to us being comfortable with each other after over 22 years!!
Now to a confession...I have been very excited today, and anticipating this evening with much enthusiasm. I've done my chores, I've cooked a roast dinner for C, Rom and Dan, walked the dogs, got the laundry and some ironing out of the way and generally been the model housewife. So tonight I am going to treat myself, and here's my guilty confession...
Things have been fairly quiet at home, as I've mentioned before, what with Romilly housesitting at Kealy's and our life ticking away nice and steadily. It's nice to feel calm and relaxed, a lot of which is down to not having to squeeze work into the equation I know, and it is suprising (or is it) how much more you are aware of things when you are not running around chasing your own tail - like how the garden is changing all the time with the seasons, how clear the sky is when the sun is shining, and how busy everyone seems to be! I take comfort in knowing that things are carrying on as normal, and hope to jump on the 'normal' train again; it's just been nice hanging around the station for a lot longer than usual. In fact I realised today that C and I have never spent so much time together in all our married life - even before we had Romilly. There was always work, family, then kids, then kids' activities, etc etc etc. It's been a fairly steep learning curve but thankfully we've weathered it well, a lot of which I put down to us being comfortable with each other after over 22 years!!
Now to a confession...I have been very excited today, and anticipating this evening with much enthusiasm. I've done my chores, I've cooked a roast dinner for C, Rom and Dan, walked the dogs, got the laundry and some ironing out of the way and generally been the model housewife. So tonight I am going to treat myself, and here's my guilty confession...
I'M A CLOSET 'I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE!' FAN!
Or I was until I typed that. Don't judge me too harshly; I don't watch Big Brother, X Factor, Pop Idol, Strictly Come Dancing, or any of those reality programmes, nor am I hooked into any soap operas or anything like that. In fact there isn't really much on TV that I make an effort to watch these days...but there's something about these Z-list 'celebrities' (in the loosest use of the word) that keeps me hooked. So I'm lighting the fire, opening the wine, and settling down for an hour's entertainment with these has-beens...or could it be I harbour a secret crush on Ant and Dec??????? Well, Dec, perhaps......
Saturday 13 November 2010
D Days 88, 89, 90, 91, 92 & 93: Monday 8 November to Saturday 13 November 2010
It's been a week since I last updated the blog. This means that I am really struggling to think what happened when, so to make it easier for me I'll just try to remember what happened in the last few days without trying to pinpoint it!!
Being off treatment really agrees with C, as you might have expected. The few side effects he had from the biotherapy, unpleasant as they were, have disappeared and he looks, feels and acts like a 'normal' person again; which is great to see, but it also lulls you into a false sense of reality and a couple of times it has hit home hard that he actually still has cancer and is still fighting it, with a long way to go. Cycle Number 2 starts next Thursday, after we've seen the oncologist for an update - we're not sure what this meeting entails and assume it's to discuss how things have been going and get the next prescription for the drug.
C had to go up to the Path Lab for another blood test this week, so the results are back in time for the oncologist meeting. As usual it was complete pandemonium in the car park, exacerbated by the heavy rain and general gloominess of the weather. I couldn't find a free space, so C shot off by himself to get the test done while I parked up with my hazard lights going, hoping he would get through quickly - which he thankfully did, due in no small part to my friend Kathie who's a soprano in the choir and works at the Path Lab. She very kindly put him through as a priority and he was in and out in 15 minutes. Thanks Kathie x
Bren and Gem have set the date for their wedding, having met up with the vicar person on Tuesday - it's all set for 24 September 2011; plenty of time to panic about diets, hats and so on!! I shall be so proud to see my three kids all dolled up, and all grown up, doing their bits on the day - Chich is the best man, and Romilly is a bridesmaid. I'm also sure that I will be shedding a proud tear or two, as will C, so am considering having my eyelashes dyed and splashing out on some decent waterproof mascara....C will have to manage!!
I arranged to meet up with Romilly for a trip to the cinema on Wednesday, as C was happily ensconced in front of the fire watching the football. We went to Ryde to see Burke and Hare - I'd seen the trailers, obviously knew the story, and expected great things given the amazing cast; just proves that you should never get your hopes up too much as it's so easy for them to be dashed to pieces!! The film was entertaining enough, well acted and all that, but it wasn't remotely edge-of-the-seat-pee-myself-laughing-until-my-belly-ached. Bit disappointing and not helped at all by the three women sitting right behind us - I ask you, in the entire cinema there were nine people, so loads of empty seats, and these three sit RIGHT BEHIND US. And talk, and talk, and talk. I ignored it through the adverts, and through the trailers, but ten minutes into the film they were still at it so I turned round and asked them to stop talking. Typical reaction - a very sarcastic 'sorreeeeee'. But they did stop!!! Phew!!! And it was nice to spend time with my Moo.
C went off and had lunch with Nick DB on Friday - off he went for a couple of hours on his own and really enjoyed it. Talking about cars, people they know etc etc felt familiar and comfortable - add in a decent toasted sandwich and he was happy as a sandboy when he got back. He then retired up to his 'den' while I held a candle party down in the lounge - I love having these parties because I love candles, and my friend Hayley is a brilliant consultant; she always manages to make them go with a swing no matter how many people are there. Unfortunately, and disappointingly, despite having sent out about 30 invitations (and hoping for a 50% turnout) only four friends actually made the effort to come. We still had a good evening though, and my candle stock for Christmas is once again complete. Loving that Spiced Cider three-wick.....We consumed some delicious nibbles, and some lovely wine - well, I consumed quite a bit of lovely wine and consequently am feeling rather below par today (Saturday); I had forgotten how unpleasant it is when the room doesn't stop moving around.....
Being off treatment really agrees with C, as you might have expected. The few side effects he had from the biotherapy, unpleasant as they were, have disappeared and he looks, feels and acts like a 'normal' person again; which is great to see, but it also lulls you into a false sense of reality and a couple of times it has hit home hard that he actually still has cancer and is still fighting it, with a long way to go. Cycle Number 2 starts next Thursday, after we've seen the oncologist for an update - we're not sure what this meeting entails and assume it's to discuss how things have been going and get the next prescription for the drug.
C had to go up to the Path Lab for another blood test this week, so the results are back in time for the oncologist meeting. As usual it was complete pandemonium in the car park, exacerbated by the heavy rain and general gloominess of the weather. I couldn't find a free space, so C shot off by himself to get the test done while I parked up with my hazard lights going, hoping he would get through quickly - which he thankfully did, due in no small part to my friend Kathie who's a soprano in the choir and works at the Path Lab. She very kindly put him through as a priority and he was in and out in 15 minutes. Thanks Kathie x
Bren and Gem have set the date for their wedding, having met up with the vicar person on Tuesday - it's all set for 24 September 2011; plenty of time to panic about diets, hats and so on!! I shall be so proud to see my three kids all dolled up, and all grown up, doing their bits on the day - Chich is the best man, and Romilly is a bridesmaid. I'm also sure that I will be shedding a proud tear or two, as will C, so am considering having my eyelashes dyed and splashing out on some decent waterproof mascara....C will have to manage!!
I arranged to meet up with Romilly for a trip to the cinema on Wednesday, as C was happily ensconced in front of the fire watching the football. We went to Ryde to see Burke and Hare - I'd seen the trailers, obviously knew the story, and expected great things given the amazing cast; just proves that you should never get your hopes up too much as it's so easy for them to be dashed to pieces!! The film was entertaining enough, well acted and all that, but it wasn't remotely edge-of-the-seat-pee-myself-laughing-until-my-belly-ached. Bit disappointing and not helped at all by the three women sitting right behind us - I ask you, in the entire cinema there were nine people, so loads of empty seats, and these three sit RIGHT BEHIND US. And talk, and talk, and talk. I ignored it through the adverts, and through the trailers, but ten minutes into the film they were still at it so I turned round and asked them to stop talking. Typical reaction - a very sarcastic 'sorreeeeee'. But they did stop!!! Phew!!! And it was nice to spend time with my Moo.
C went off and had lunch with Nick DB on Friday - off he went for a couple of hours on his own and really enjoyed it. Talking about cars, people they know etc etc felt familiar and comfortable - add in a decent toasted sandwich and he was happy as a sandboy when he got back. He then retired up to his 'den' while I held a candle party down in the lounge - I love having these parties because I love candles, and my friend Hayley is a brilliant consultant; she always manages to make them go with a swing no matter how many people are there. Unfortunately, and disappointingly, despite having sent out about 30 invitations (and hoping for a 50% turnout) only four friends actually made the effort to come. We still had a good evening though, and my candle stock for Christmas is once again complete. Loving that Spiced Cider three-wick.....We consumed some delicious nibbles, and some lovely wine - well, I consumed quite a bit of lovely wine and consequently am feeling rather below par today (Saturday); I had forgotten how unpleasant it is when the room doesn't stop moving around.....
Sunday 7 November 2010
D Days 85, 86 & 87: Friday 5, Saturday 6 and Sunday 7 November 2010: I Just Don't Know...
...What To Do With Myself. I don't. It's weird being in this limbo, taking life one day at a time, not planning very much at all and seeing what each day brings. I've never lived like this before - I've always been so organised, so 'plan ahead', someone who knows what's going on when and where. I recently did a little thing on Facebook where people had to use the third letter of their first name to use a word to describe me - one friend who knows me well used 'organised', which usually I am; hence you can understand the turmoil of not being able to organise anything at the moment!!!! (Thanks Siobhan).
I've also started to feel fairly redundant, but in a good way; C is so much better at the moment that he's able to take more control of his drugs, which means I don't have to dole them out four times a day; he knows he's due some, and knows what to take, so is able to sort that for himself. And I'm glad about that, I really am; it just puts my role in the shade a bit as I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do - but I'm pleased about that because it means he's taken control again. He's been so much better this last couple of weeks that I'm hoping, tentatively, that the treatment is doing some good.
It's been weird these last few days (not just for the above) because Romilly hasn't been at home; not at all - she's 'house sitting' for my sister. My sister is on holiday in Devon with her family and my dad, and Romilly is 'house sitting' to look after the tortoises and the rabbit. Good for her, nice that she wants to help out; but I can't help but feel that it's more than that, and that really she wants to play house with Daniel and has got free rein there. It certainly isn't any kind of attachment to the welfare of the animals, because the rabbit was hers before Kealy took it over, and lived with us for four years, during which time Rom couldn't be bothered with it AT ALL.... So C and I are alone this week; really alone in the sense that there's no-one in the house with us at all, all week - Romilly was practically the only distraction we had! Visitors are few and far between, which I am noticing more now, but in actual fact we didn't have that many anyway so it's really not all that different.
Firework night proved its usual entertainment for us - Sidney, our rough, tough, Patterdale terrier, was an absolute quivering nervous wreck the entire weekend. He is not remotely brave when it comes to loud bangs from outside, despite what you might see of him when he's out for a walk and squares up to Alsatians and other large dogs. Nope; he's an absolute wimp when it comes to loud noises - the bathroom door banging in the wind has been responsible for sending him under our bed quivering in fright on more than on occasion. So you can imagine that over this weekend, when people have had fireworks on Friday, Saturday AND Sunday nights, it's been a bit of a jellyfest where Sid is concerned.
C went out for breakfast with Neil this morning (Sunday). Neil has been a bit under the weather lately so hasn't met up with C for a couple of weeks, so it was really nice that they've restarted this little ritual. C doesn't get out all that much with anyone other than me, so alternative company is always welcome and this was no exception. They went to Briddlesford Farm again (highly recommend their breakfast menu) and spent a nice couple of hours doing whatever men get up to when they meet up (excessive chinwagging I'd think, about ipads, cars, golf and the like). I took to the garden this morning to weed out the front border, so when they arrived back I was bent double doing justice to uprooting the all encompassing bindweed...and apparently giving a decent view of my tattoo to all and sundry. Apologies Neil, it must have been a sight.....
And so to Sunday night; it's been nice and quiet, having spent most of the day in the front garden. My dad is away in Devon, Romilly is at Kealy's, so it's just me and C; Bren did pop round to watch the footie with his dad however, which was nice for them and gave me a good excuse to disappear for a much needed soak in a hot bath. Spent the evening sat in front of the log fire, drinking wonderfully cold white wine, watching Downton Abbey and then Live at the Apollo. Ooh, c'est la vie...until I remember exactly what 'ma vie' is like these days.
I've also started to feel fairly redundant, but in a good way; C is so much better at the moment that he's able to take more control of his drugs, which means I don't have to dole them out four times a day; he knows he's due some, and knows what to take, so is able to sort that for himself. And I'm glad about that, I really am; it just puts my role in the shade a bit as I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do - but I'm pleased about that because it means he's taken control again. He's been so much better this last couple of weeks that I'm hoping, tentatively, that the treatment is doing some good.
It's been weird these last few days (not just for the above) because Romilly hasn't been at home; not at all - she's 'house sitting' for my sister. My sister is on holiday in Devon with her family and my dad, and Romilly is 'house sitting' to look after the tortoises and the rabbit. Good for her, nice that she wants to help out; but I can't help but feel that it's more than that, and that really she wants to play house with Daniel and has got free rein there. It certainly isn't any kind of attachment to the welfare of the animals, because the rabbit was hers before Kealy took it over, and lived with us for four years, during which time Rom couldn't be bothered with it AT ALL.... So C and I are alone this week; really alone in the sense that there's no-one in the house with us at all, all week - Romilly was practically the only distraction we had! Visitors are few and far between, which I am noticing more now, but in actual fact we didn't have that many anyway so it's really not all that different.
Firework night proved its usual entertainment for us - Sidney, our rough, tough, Patterdale terrier, was an absolute quivering nervous wreck the entire weekend. He is not remotely brave when it comes to loud bangs from outside, despite what you might see of him when he's out for a walk and squares up to Alsatians and other large dogs. Nope; he's an absolute wimp when it comes to loud noises - the bathroom door banging in the wind has been responsible for sending him under our bed quivering in fright on more than on occasion. So you can imagine that over this weekend, when people have had fireworks on Friday, Saturday AND Sunday nights, it's been a bit of a jellyfest where Sid is concerned.
C went out for breakfast with Neil this morning (Sunday). Neil has been a bit under the weather lately so hasn't met up with C for a couple of weeks, so it was really nice that they've restarted this little ritual. C doesn't get out all that much with anyone other than me, so alternative company is always welcome and this was no exception. They went to Briddlesford Farm again (highly recommend their breakfast menu) and spent a nice couple of hours doing whatever men get up to when they meet up (excessive chinwagging I'd think, about ipads, cars, golf and the like). I took to the garden this morning to weed out the front border, so when they arrived back I was bent double doing justice to uprooting the all encompassing bindweed...and apparently giving a decent view of my tattoo to all and sundry. Apologies Neil, it must have been a sight.....
And so to Sunday night; it's been nice and quiet, having spent most of the day in the front garden. My dad is away in Devon, Romilly is at Kealy's, so it's just me and C; Bren did pop round to watch the footie with his dad however, which was nice for them and gave me a good excuse to disappear for a much needed soak in a hot bath. Spent the evening sat in front of the log fire, drinking wonderfully cold white wine, watching Downton Abbey and then Live at the Apollo. Ooh, c'est la vie...until I remember exactly what 'ma vie' is like these days.
Friday 5 November 2010
D Days 83 & 84: Wednesday 3 November and Thursday 4 November 2010 - Progress
It's been a much more inspiring and uplifting week this week for many reasons, the main one of which is that C has just finished the first cycle of biotherapy against the cancer. One down, two to go, and he's looking so much better at the moment than in the last few weeks. I don't know if mentally he feels stronger because he's got through the first round without too much of a struggle, or whether the meds are lifting him up, or whether we've adjusted to this situation so adroitly that it's just become the norm, but it's lovely to see him looking, acting and feeling a lot more like his old self - all the good bits anyway!!! He now has a two week break from the treatment before we see the oncologist on 18 November for update and re-prescription; should be interesting - I don't think C was that impressed with the oncologist (Dr Madhava, whom our Macmillan nurse affectionately calls 'Maddy', which I find a bit weird...). We realise that the next cycle may not be as relatively easygoing as the first, but the feeling that we've come through one round already is a huge relief. Onward and upward...
I must update you on the saga of our replacement back door - some time ago you may remember that I took out my frustration on our poor decrepit current back door (right at the beginning of C's diagnosis when nothing was being done very quickly) and we had taken the plunge and finally ordered a new one. That was back in mid-September, at which point B&Q said it would be two weeks to delivery - fine, brilliant, two weeks is not that long to wait really, and as B&Q is one of my favourite browsing shops I was happy to accommodate the wait. Ah how simple it all seemed back then - and how frankly bloody irritated, annoyed and fobbed off we feel about it right now!!! Yes you guessed it, the door still hasn't arrived; it has taken numerous phone calls by me and C over the last few weeks to try and ascertain on microgram of information on where this damned door is in the delivery process...and getting nowhere fast. The latest information we had been given was that they were expecting it in the store on 31 October; we duly rang on 1 November and were told on no less than four separate occasions that they would 'go and check with the buildings department and ring you back.' No-one rang back. We rang them again, and again, and finally again when C got through to the duty manager and had to do his best 'I-know-it's-not-your-fault-but-frankly-I'm-getting-annoyed-now' ex-manager calm but firm and assertive please-sort-it-out-now-before-my-wife-explodes type voice. And lo and behold the door had amazingly been delivered in the store just that morning...wonders will never cease will they? It's now due to be delivered to us on Monday, so the next phase begins where we have to try and organise (1) getting it varnished, (2) getting the appropriate handles and lock for it and (3) getting Wayne the Chippy round to fit it. And in the meantime just hope that the current door doesn't fall to bits in the wet weather....
There's been progress in the arrangements for Bren and Gem's wedding too. Bren finally got around to sorting out his best man - he asked his little brother!! I think it's lovely that he wanted to ask Chich, and even nicer that Chich was so chuffed to be asked; of course now he's bricking it slightly as the realisation of how much responsibility this role entails dawns slowly upon him...thankfully he is happy for me to help out so the pressure shouldn't be too much and Bren won't worry about it. I am just not sure how involved I want to get in what arrangements need to be made for the stag do...there are some things a mother just doesn't want to know! So with Romilly as a bridesmaid, Chich as the best man, they have started to look at reception venues, and have almost settled on one - I don't want to divulge its whereabouts right now, but suffice it to say that C and I went down there for lunch on Thursday and it is very, very nice so hopefully they'll go for that. They are also due to see the vicar or whoever it is these days at the church in Binstead, to discuss dates etc. Things are moving on!! Must start to consider what on earth I'm going to wear - bit of a weird role really, 'stepmother of the groom', but I guess not an unusual one in this day and age! New suit for C too I think....at least this time he can't complain that it's like buying a work outfit.....
Thursday evening I left C and Chich happily ensconced in the lounge with their dinner and watching football, again, on the TV. Off I went to choir - things are getting a bit tense now as we realise how few rehearsals we have left before the concert, and how much work there still is to do. One particular piece that worries me personally is 'Gaudete' - and it's scary on four counts: (1) It's in Latin (which I don't mind as I did it at school, but confront 70 people with a song in a foreign language and you can bet your bottom dollar that the majority will wince a bit) (2) It is very fast (3) the piano accompaniment doesn't follow a normal rhythm...it kind of goes against the singing to make it more 'dramatic' (which is the kindest way I can think of to put it) (4) Hannah wants us to wave ribbons about in different rhythms - this last is quite worrying because in the past we've struggled to clap in time to a nice rhythmic song in English...you can just imagine it can't you? I also envisage someone getting carried away and ending up taking someone's eye out....mind you if it's on the end of a red ribbon, who's to notice????
I must update you on the saga of our replacement back door - some time ago you may remember that I took out my frustration on our poor decrepit current back door (right at the beginning of C's diagnosis when nothing was being done very quickly) and we had taken the plunge and finally ordered a new one. That was back in mid-September, at which point B&Q said it would be two weeks to delivery - fine, brilliant, two weeks is not that long to wait really, and as B&Q is one of my favourite browsing shops I was happy to accommodate the wait. Ah how simple it all seemed back then - and how frankly bloody irritated, annoyed and fobbed off we feel about it right now!!! Yes you guessed it, the door still hasn't arrived; it has taken numerous phone calls by me and C over the last few weeks to try and ascertain on microgram of information on where this damned door is in the delivery process...and getting nowhere fast. The latest information we had been given was that they were expecting it in the store on 31 October; we duly rang on 1 November and were told on no less than four separate occasions that they would 'go and check with the buildings department and ring you back.' No-one rang back. We rang them again, and again, and finally again when C got through to the duty manager and had to do his best 'I-know-it's-not-your-fault-but-frankly-I'm-getting-annoyed-now' ex-manager calm but firm and assertive please-sort-it-out-now-before-my-wife-explodes type voice. And lo and behold the door had amazingly been delivered in the store just that morning...wonders will never cease will they? It's now due to be delivered to us on Monday, so the next phase begins where we have to try and organise (1) getting it varnished, (2) getting the appropriate handles and lock for it and (3) getting Wayne the Chippy round to fit it. And in the meantime just hope that the current door doesn't fall to bits in the wet weather....
There's been progress in the arrangements for Bren and Gem's wedding too. Bren finally got around to sorting out his best man - he asked his little brother!! I think it's lovely that he wanted to ask Chich, and even nicer that Chich was so chuffed to be asked; of course now he's bricking it slightly as the realisation of how much responsibility this role entails dawns slowly upon him...thankfully he is happy for me to help out so the pressure shouldn't be too much and Bren won't worry about it. I am just not sure how involved I want to get in what arrangements need to be made for the stag do...there are some things a mother just doesn't want to know! So with Romilly as a bridesmaid, Chich as the best man, they have started to look at reception venues, and have almost settled on one - I don't want to divulge its whereabouts right now, but suffice it to say that C and I went down there for lunch on Thursday and it is very, very nice so hopefully they'll go for that. They are also due to see the vicar or whoever it is these days at the church in Binstead, to discuss dates etc. Things are moving on!! Must start to consider what on earth I'm going to wear - bit of a weird role really, 'stepmother of the groom', but I guess not an unusual one in this day and age! New suit for C too I think....at least this time he can't complain that it's like buying a work outfit.....
Thursday evening I left C and Chich happily ensconced in the lounge with their dinner and watching football, again, on the TV. Off I went to choir - things are getting a bit tense now as we realise how few rehearsals we have left before the concert, and how much work there still is to do. One particular piece that worries me personally is 'Gaudete' - and it's scary on four counts: (1) It's in Latin (which I don't mind as I did it at school, but confront 70 people with a song in a foreign language and you can bet your bottom dollar that the majority will wince a bit) (2) It is very fast (3) the piano accompaniment doesn't follow a normal rhythm...it kind of goes against the singing to make it more 'dramatic' (which is the kindest way I can think of to put it) (4) Hannah wants us to wave ribbons about in different rhythms - this last is quite worrying because in the past we've struggled to clap in time to a nice rhythmic song in English...you can just imagine it can't you? I also envisage someone getting carried away and ending up taking someone's eye out....mind you if it's on the end of a red ribbon, who's to notice????
Tuesday 2 November 2010
D Days + 81 & 82: Monday 1 and Tuesday 2 November 2010 - Need to Know?
Since my last posting I've been pondering this blog, trying to rationalise it, justify it and identify its purpose. And comments from friends have helped with this, because one thing I had completely forgotten about is how many people read it to find out what's going on - it has gone beyond just being a means for me to spout forth on how we feel about our situation, it is now a signpost, if you will, of how we are doing, for all our friends, family, colleagues etc. I had forgotten about this simply because I was unaware of it; and this is why this posting is called Need to Know - because I do, I need to know who's out there reading this, if it's helpful/informative, and if I'm telling you the right things. I have had one (indirect) comment from a friend, saying that they didn't really want or need to know about my trip to Tesco, what I did in the garden, etc etc, which of course makes me interpret this as my blog being too boring. What I should remind myself is that one person's view is not necessarily everyone's view, and that though they are entitled to their view it shouldn't affect what I do or say, if I need to do and say something. So I will carry on, and hope once again that some of you will occasionally let me know how I'm doing - I want to know what you think, even if I don't agree with it!!!
The ongoing saga of the blood pressure seems to be resolving - I have now worked out that if I take C's BP first thing in the morning, it's quite high; by the time he's either stayed in bed, taken the Amlodipine (I love the technical names for things; makes me sound quite knowledgeable!) or both it's come right down again. So a change in strategy is required here - dole out the drugs first thing when we're up, but don't do the BP until an hour or so later. And definitely not in the middle of the afternoon. It's such a vicious cycle - he worries about his BP being high, so we test it and it is, which makes his BP stay high so he worries about taking the tablets, so his BP goes up, so we test it... you get the picture. I find it ironic really that of the six drugs C is currently taking, two are to treat an actual physical ailment and the rest are to cope with the side effects!!!! Twas ever so......
The winter hobbies are kicking in here at the Cole Bunker - C has a model to do (by which I mean he has a kit car to put together and not that he has scored big time with Heidi Klum or Elle Macpherson), Romilly has unearthed various jigsaws, and I've started making hearts again. I did this last year, and the year before, and sold them to friends and colleagues in aid of the Hospice. They're not brilliant, but quite sweet really and seem the be the 'in' thing lately, good for hanging around the house on door handles or wall hooks (as my sister has done - she's had a good few of them), or on your Christmas tree or presents. I haven't got any in stock so I'll have to get my skates on and make some up. Last year they didn't sell brilliantly well, which was disappointing. But once I've covered my costs the extra money goes to the Hospice - as I seem to remember saying two years ago, most people on the Island know someone who has benefited from the Hospice; my mum and C's mum certainly did.
Now the clocks have gone back it's darker early now, or as my Dad would say - "Get's late early dunnit?" I managed to get a bargain pair of walking boots at Blacks yesterday when C and I nipped into Newport for a whirlwind shopping trip. The boots were half price, good Karrimor walkers so I can now stomp around in comfort and support, and with dry feet!! I tested them out when we got home - weird that they felt so supportive, I hadn't realised how bad my old ones were. They got a good test this morning (Tuesday) as well when I walked back across the Downs with Sidney; the grass is all absolutely soaking and my feet stayed nice and dry all the way home - not so for Sidney though, he was soaked.
Rom's out tonight so C and I are on our own again. His appetite has been a bit better lately so I'm hoping to fill him up on cold roast chicken and chips; he's been much more calm and motivated recently (that sounds like a contradiction but it's not!). He's been sleeping much better the last few nights, and so have I, as he's taken to sleeping in the spare room (which is now his 'den' and actually really cosy) - a while ago we would have thought this was a sign that things were not good, but it's actually of huge benefit as we don't disturb each other and are both much more rested in the morning. Either that or his model really is Elle Macpherson and she's in the back room......
The ongoing saga of the blood pressure seems to be resolving - I have now worked out that if I take C's BP first thing in the morning, it's quite high; by the time he's either stayed in bed, taken the Amlodipine (I love the technical names for things; makes me sound quite knowledgeable!) or both it's come right down again. So a change in strategy is required here - dole out the drugs first thing when we're up, but don't do the BP until an hour or so later. And definitely not in the middle of the afternoon. It's such a vicious cycle - he worries about his BP being high, so we test it and it is, which makes his BP stay high so he worries about taking the tablets, so his BP goes up, so we test it... you get the picture. I find it ironic really that of the six drugs C is currently taking, two are to treat an actual physical ailment and the rest are to cope with the side effects!!!! Twas ever so......
The winter hobbies are kicking in here at the Cole Bunker - C has a model to do (by which I mean he has a kit car to put together and not that he has scored big time with Heidi Klum or Elle Macpherson), Romilly has unearthed various jigsaws, and I've started making hearts again. I did this last year, and the year before, and sold them to friends and colleagues in aid of the Hospice. They're not brilliant, but quite sweet really and seem the be the 'in' thing lately, good for hanging around the house on door handles or wall hooks (as my sister has done - she's had a good few of them), or on your Christmas tree or presents. I haven't got any in stock so I'll have to get my skates on and make some up. Last year they didn't sell brilliantly well, which was disappointing. But once I've covered my costs the extra money goes to the Hospice - as I seem to remember saying two years ago, most people on the Island know someone who has benefited from the Hospice; my mum and C's mum certainly did.
Now the clocks have gone back it's darker early now, or as my Dad would say - "Get's late early dunnit?" I managed to get a bargain pair of walking boots at Blacks yesterday when C and I nipped into Newport for a whirlwind shopping trip. The boots were half price, good Karrimor walkers so I can now stomp around in comfort and support, and with dry feet!! I tested them out when we got home - weird that they felt so supportive, I hadn't realised how bad my old ones were. They got a good test this morning (Tuesday) as well when I walked back across the Downs with Sidney; the grass is all absolutely soaking and my feet stayed nice and dry all the way home - not so for Sidney though, he was soaked.
Rom's out tonight so C and I are on our own again. His appetite has been a bit better lately so I'm hoping to fill him up on cold roast chicken and chips; he's been much more calm and motivated recently (that sounds like a contradiction but it's not!). He's been sleeping much better the last few nights, and so have I, as he's taken to sleeping in the spare room (which is now his 'den' and actually really cosy) - a while ago we would have thought this was a sign that things were not good, but it's actually of huge benefit as we don't disturb each other and are both much more rested in the morning. Either that or his model really is Elle Macpherson and she's in the back room......
Sunday 31 October 2010
D Days + 76, 77, 78, 79, 80: Wednesday 27 to Sunday 31 October 2010 - Stuck
It's Halloween. I realise that I haven't blogged since last Tuesday, and apologise to anyone who follows the blog regularly for not having done so. Truth is that I'm not sure how interesting the blog can be right now, as one day merges into the next in a routine of waking up late, dishing out the drugs, finding things to do, thinking about what to eat, what to watch on TV and what time to go to bed. Each day is more or less the same, punctuated all to infrequently by other things such as trips out, visitors etc etc. You get the picture. It appears that this cancer has taken over our lives in a way that I couldn't have predicted - it's made us fearful or unmotivated to do things any differently. A vicious cycle of repetitive routine. I have many friends who have told me to ring them, email them, text them, when I get fed up and want to meet up for coffee/lunch/drinks/dinner, but truth is that I am not, and never have been, any good at asking for help, in anything. And I supposed that I've taken on this role of caring for C so readily (as I believe I should) that it's difficult to know where or how to slot in anyone or anything else. If you ask me if I'd like to meet up I'll jump at the chance, and so would C with his friends, but we neither of us are the ones who can do the asking. And so we go on, day in and day out, with each other - which is not all bad, believe me; it would be far worse for anyone to go through this alone, and it wouldn't feel right for me not to do this with and for C.
It's also a bit of a let down for me not having anything particularly exciting or positive to share; and so as I realise that this blog is becoming mundane, so I realise that's why no-one comments on it. Is anyone reading it any more? It started as an outlet for me to share what we are going through - back in the early days post diagnosis I felt the need to get my thoughts and fears out there, a cathartic process for me, but as time goes on it becomes more difficult to do this - my fears are still there, my mind runs on, but I can't share this with everyone; the kids read this blog, so do a lot of our family, and for me to talk in the blog about what I am scared of will not do them any good, so I don't. C said to me at the beginning that the blog should have a purpose, and it did when I started, but now I'm not sure what purpose it serves. I can't and don't put down all the medical issues we are having, how we deal with them, because putting things down in black and white leaves what I say open to too much interpretation - and what I don't want to do is create a panic if someone reads something and takes it the wrong way. So where do I go from here?
It's also a bit of a let down for me not having anything particularly exciting or positive to share; and so as I realise that this blog is becoming mundane, so I realise that's why no-one comments on it. Is anyone reading it any more? It started as an outlet for me to share what we are going through - back in the early days post diagnosis I felt the need to get my thoughts and fears out there, a cathartic process for me, but as time goes on it becomes more difficult to do this - my fears are still there, my mind runs on, but I can't share this with everyone; the kids read this blog, so do a lot of our family, and for me to talk in the blog about what I am scared of will not do them any good, so I don't. C said to me at the beginning that the blog should have a purpose, and it did when I started, but now I'm not sure what purpose it serves. I can't and don't put down all the medical issues we are having, how we deal with them, because putting things down in black and white leaves what I say open to too much interpretation - and what I don't want to do is create a panic if someone reads something and takes it the wrong way. So where do I go from here?
Tuesday 26 October 2010
D Day + 75: Tuesday 26 October 2010 - Rain Rain Go Away
Woke up to rain today - bit of a shocker after the long run of nice sunny weather we've been having; I just hope I haven't put the mockers on it by having referred to the sunshine such a lot in recent postings!!!!
C had a bad night last night - he woke me up this morning and was distinctly off colour and tired. He said he just couldn't settle at all, kept tossing and turning all night and barely got any sleep. Having done his meds I left him in bed to see if he could catch up, or at the very least relax a bit - thankfully his blood pressure was okay and nice and low.
Catching up on chores in the kitchen, I'd almost forgotten that Rom was about (it being half term) and she strolled in and plonked in the chair, yawning. It's a nightmare getting her interested in breakfast - she normally just about manages to get herself a bowl of cereal (chocolate one week, not chocolate the next - I still indulge her just slightly...) but as Mummy was on hand today she decided she'd like pancakes...and pancakes she got - with fresh lemon juice too, dontchaknow!! Not bad if I say so myself...
We sat and made some more Christmas cards this morning - Rom hasn't had a go at them yet and it was nice to sit and do something together. C got up around then and looked much perkier for a shower and clean clothes. He is starting to suffer with dry skin on his face now, as we had been warned, so we have to add regular applications of Savlon healing gel to the list of 'drug' administrations. Good job I'm generally organised - my drug chart is a sight to behold.
We also broke into the new jigsaw puzzle today, and assembled the outside edges in record time. Does everyone do that? It's always been the way with me and my lot - you sort all the pieces into edge and non-edge bits, then put all the edges together first. Makes perfect sense to me!
Leaving Rom and C at home having their lunch - beans on toast with cheese on top (well you have to have cheese on top, it's not the same otherwise) - I went off to meet another lovely friend of mine - Shaz (I think I've mentioned her before - she's the one who makes me spend money at garden centres) - and yes we went to another garden centre, for lunch and shopping (obviously). Shaz is very keen on Christmas, and gets her house decorated nice and early (her birthday is at the beginning of December and she likes to have everything sorted before then). So having downed a lovely lunch we wandered off and browsed in the Christmas section - lots of different colour schemes and lots of ideas for the tree, table etc. Got to feeling quite festive!! I did buy a couple of bits, and having moaned just the other day about not feeling like starting Christmas shopping, I did buy a couple of bits for Romilly's stocking. Yes, she has a stocking on Christmas morning, which she opens while sitting in bed with us. There, now I've embarrassed her to all you readers!!! I'm happy for her to carry on with this as long as possible...it's one last link to her being a little excited child. Talking of which, when I got home she was snuggled up on the sofa with C, watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - we bought a few classic films on DVD recently and she decided to watch this one; not much else to do in the rain right? Wrong! Off we went to Ryde as she needed to get some bits and pieces for her and Daniel's costumes for a Halloween party on Saturday. Wandering around Ryde we were, like a couple of drowned rats after a while, but mission was accomplished, plus a few extras (inevitable when you get two women going in and out of shops). She's gone over to Dan's tonight and C and I are tucked up in the lounge trying to ignore the horrible weather. I just hope we wake up tomorrow in much better spirits and weather conditions than today.
C had a bad night last night - he woke me up this morning and was distinctly off colour and tired. He said he just couldn't settle at all, kept tossing and turning all night and barely got any sleep. Having done his meds I left him in bed to see if he could catch up, or at the very least relax a bit - thankfully his blood pressure was okay and nice and low.
Catching up on chores in the kitchen, I'd almost forgotten that Rom was about (it being half term) and she strolled in and plonked in the chair, yawning. It's a nightmare getting her interested in breakfast - she normally just about manages to get herself a bowl of cereal (chocolate one week, not chocolate the next - I still indulge her just slightly...) but as Mummy was on hand today she decided she'd like pancakes...and pancakes she got - with fresh lemon juice too, dontchaknow!! Not bad if I say so myself...
We sat and made some more Christmas cards this morning - Rom hasn't had a go at them yet and it was nice to sit and do something together. C got up around then and looked much perkier for a shower and clean clothes. He is starting to suffer with dry skin on his face now, as we had been warned, so we have to add regular applications of Savlon healing gel to the list of 'drug' administrations. Good job I'm generally organised - my drug chart is a sight to behold.
We also broke into the new jigsaw puzzle today, and assembled the outside edges in record time. Does everyone do that? It's always been the way with me and my lot - you sort all the pieces into edge and non-edge bits, then put all the edges together first. Makes perfect sense to me!
Leaving Rom and C at home having their lunch - beans on toast with cheese on top (well you have to have cheese on top, it's not the same otherwise) - I went off to meet another lovely friend of mine - Shaz (I think I've mentioned her before - she's the one who makes me spend money at garden centres) - and yes we went to another garden centre, for lunch and shopping (obviously). Shaz is very keen on Christmas, and gets her house decorated nice and early (her birthday is at the beginning of December and she likes to have everything sorted before then). So having downed a lovely lunch we wandered off and browsed in the Christmas section - lots of different colour schemes and lots of ideas for the tree, table etc. Got to feeling quite festive!! I did buy a couple of bits, and having moaned just the other day about not feeling like starting Christmas shopping, I did buy a couple of bits for Romilly's stocking. Yes, she has a stocking on Christmas morning, which she opens while sitting in bed with us. There, now I've embarrassed her to all you readers!!! I'm happy for her to carry on with this as long as possible...it's one last link to her being a little excited child. Talking of which, when I got home she was snuggled up on the sofa with C, watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - we bought a few classic films on DVD recently and she decided to watch this one; not much else to do in the rain right? Wrong! Off we went to Ryde as she needed to get some bits and pieces for her and Daniel's costumes for a Halloween party on Saturday. Wandering around Ryde we were, like a couple of drowned rats after a while, but mission was accomplished, plus a few extras (inevitable when you get two women going in and out of shops). She's gone over to Dan's tonight and C and I are tucked up in the lounge trying to ignore the horrible weather. I just hope we wake up tomorrow in much better spirits and weather conditions than today.
Monday 25 October 2010
D Day + 74: Monday 25 October 2010 - D is for Deb
It's been weird the last few mornings, waking up in bed on my own. C has taken to going into the back bedroom when he wakes up in the early morning - that's where his new TV and Sky box are, and the spare bed is nice and comfy, so he gets up, usually around 5am, goes and makes some tea and has some cereal, and goes back to bed in the spare room. Sometimes he falls back to sleep, sometimes he stays awake. This morning was no exception, but he was feeling a bit low today, not quite the ticket, so I put him back in the 'big bed' (in our room) and told him to stay there - breakfast in bed was on the menu today. We had boiled eggs (got to get some protein into him), and as always accompanied by toast soldiers. Well, doesn't everyone?! His blood pressure had been up slightly this morning, and on second checking an hour later was up very slightly again, so I told him to stay in bed this morning, while I had to go off into work to drop in my new sick certificate. Armed with the ipad, that's exactly what he did.
It was nice to see the girls at work again; it's been a month since I went in last and they always seem pleased to see me, give me big hugs and ask how it's going. I had to apologise that I didn't have any good news for them, and I know it's always difficult when someone asks how things are - once you say they're not good, or have been tricky, it's a job for anyone to know what to say! Next time I go in I am going to take them some kind of treat as a thank you for their support - cakes always go down well as I remember....
Traffic on the Island today was horrendous - two main parts of the route into Newport were closed and I ended doing almost a tour of the south Wight to get home again! No idea what was going on - it seems a bit early in the financial year for the Council to be trying to spend up the highways budget.
I'd arranged to meet my lovely friend Deb today - I'm sure I've sung her praises before now, but she is an amazingly supportive and kind friend, and has been an absolute rock for me in the past few weeks. We went down to the Roman Villa - C came too, I let him get out of bed as his BP was now down to normal limits - ostensibly for coffee, but it's so lovely down there and the food is delicioso (as I know I've said before) so we stayed for lunch, and then more tea and cake. Yum. It's very easy to forget that there's a world out there, when you are spending so much time at home dealing with illness - and with a little effort you can change your outlook, just by being around people. And no obnoxious small children in the restaurant this time I'm happy to report (see yesterday's blog for that particular rant). It was lovely to watch C chatting and filling up on lunch; he does enjoy getting out, even if it is a bit of an effort sometimes. Just wish it could happen more really, but my powers of entertainment are limited and it's not easy to ask anyone else to arrange anything as I know everyone is so busy.
I dropped C back home so he could have a restorative nap, and Deb and I went off to another favourite place - the garden centre. I need to plant some bulbs in the front flower bed, and as it's notorious for weeds it seemed a good idea to get some of that bark stuff to put down. They had their Christmas display up so we had a look round that, but I still can't get excited about it; shrubs though are a different matter...I could have restocked the garden!! It was nice to spend some time with Deb; she's a very calm and thoughtful person to talk to, very balanced and non-judgemental. It helps to talk to her; and as she is going through a similar kind of thing herself, she has a view on how I feel that other people would struggle to understand - not that I don't love, want and appreciate seeing any of my other friends, as they are all wonderful and supportive in their unique ways. She's also amazing at supporting and talking with C - they get on really well and she calls him her 'other husband'. By the time we'd got back, had more tea etc and caught up with Romilly when she came home, it was gone 4pm - time had flown. So today D is for Deb - a Deb Day, and I hope there will be many more; I have a feeling C and I are going to need them.
It was nice to see the girls at work again; it's been a month since I went in last and they always seem pleased to see me, give me big hugs and ask how it's going. I had to apologise that I didn't have any good news for them, and I know it's always difficult when someone asks how things are - once you say they're not good, or have been tricky, it's a job for anyone to know what to say! Next time I go in I am going to take them some kind of treat as a thank you for their support - cakes always go down well as I remember....
Traffic on the Island today was horrendous - two main parts of the route into Newport were closed and I ended doing almost a tour of the south Wight to get home again! No idea what was going on - it seems a bit early in the financial year for the Council to be trying to spend up the highways budget.
I'd arranged to meet my lovely friend Deb today - I'm sure I've sung her praises before now, but she is an amazingly supportive and kind friend, and has been an absolute rock for me in the past few weeks. We went down to the Roman Villa - C came too, I let him get out of bed as his BP was now down to normal limits - ostensibly for coffee, but it's so lovely down there and the food is delicioso (as I know I've said before) so we stayed for lunch, and then more tea and cake. Yum. It's very easy to forget that there's a world out there, when you are spending so much time at home dealing with illness - and with a little effort you can change your outlook, just by being around people. And no obnoxious small children in the restaurant this time I'm happy to report (see yesterday's blog for that particular rant). It was lovely to watch C chatting and filling up on lunch; he does enjoy getting out, even if it is a bit of an effort sometimes. Just wish it could happen more really, but my powers of entertainment are limited and it's not easy to ask anyone else to arrange anything as I know everyone is so busy.
I dropped C back home so he could have a restorative nap, and Deb and I went off to another favourite place - the garden centre. I need to plant some bulbs in the front flower bed, and as it's notorious for weeds it seemed a good idea to get some of that bark stuff to put down. They had their Christmas display up so we had a look round that, but I still can't get excited about it; shrubs though are a different matter...I could have restocked the garden!! It was nice to spend some time with Deb; she's a very calm and thoughtful person to talk to, very balanced and non-judgemental. It helps to talk to her; and as she is going through a similar kind of thing herself, she has a view on how I feel that other people would struggle to understand - not that I don't love, want and appreciate seeing any of my other friends, as they are all wonderful and supportive in their unique ways. She's also amazing at supporting and talking with C - they get on really well and she calls him her 'other husband'. By the time we'd got back, had more tea etc and caught up with Romilly when she came home, it was gone 4pm - time had flown. So today D is for Deb - a Deb Day, and I hope there will be many more; I have a feeling C and I are going to need them.
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