I'm writing this on Monday evening; it's been a difficult couple of days after the events of Friday night - C is compounding the recovery of his blood pressure by worrying about the recovery of his blood pressure, so it's a vicious circle. Yesterday, Sunday, we decided he should take it easy to give it a chance to come down, but it wasn't easy staying indoors - we get a bit stir crazy and it seems a shame to waste the nice weather, but you do what you think you should. Unfortunately, not doing anything gives the mind time to wander and it was an emotional rollercoaster all day. His, and my, state of mind was not eased at all by the fact that he wasn't taking the cancer treatment - so it was like being back to square one, with all the worry and no action. Bren came round in the afternoon, having got himself worried by a phone call to his dad in the morning where C got upset...it's difficult to cope with when you've been used to your dad being the strong, dependable one your whole life, and Bren is no exception (the other two are the same). I'd lit the log fire in the afternoon - our cottage gets a bit chilly - so it was cosy in the sitting room, and they sat and watched TV together, but you could sense the unspoken concern. Rom and Dan came in late afternoon, and I took the dogs out for a breather (for me) and a run (for them). But the general atmosphere in the house was one of bated breath, waiting to see if the BP came down and whether C felt any better.
I don't think I mentioned that Rom went to a medium evening on Saturday - now by that I don't mean that it as middle sized or anything, but she went over to a famous house in Freshwater and took part in a gathering of spiritualists and mediums trying to contact ghosts. The house is supposed to be a hot spot for them. Sounded like she had an enjoyable night - she said she didn't get too scared and that it was very interesting - but as she didn't get to bed until 5am Sunday she was pooped by the time dinner was ready. I love the thought that there's an afterlife - it is reassuring the think that people we've loved and lost are there somewhere, watching us and protecting us. I don't have any belief whatsoever in God or Jesus or all that religious claptrap (only my opinion), but I do think everyone needs faith in something, and mine is that when you die you don't cease to exist, you just kind of move onto the next job...Must share something a bit naughty with you now too - when I sing with the choir, if we sing about Jesus Christ I sing 'Cheese's Crust' instead; it works when you're soprano as it's usually pitched high enough not to notice!!!!
And so to today - Monday. C and I were on tenterhooks as we had to ring the Chemo Suite and let them know what had happened Friday. Having spoken to them, and to Sonya, who both contacted C's oncologist, the upshot is that he needs to keep taking the anti-hypertension medicine, but restart taking the cancer treatment as well and see how things go. BP needs to be measured twice a day, and if it starts to rise again we need to contact Sonya and/or the Chemo Unit. Fingers crossed....
It's been a trial keeping his mood up; he gets very emotional about things and I sometimes have to get almost angry with him to buck him up. I have told him I will be there to give him the kick up the bum he needs, alongside the encouragement, nurtuing and medicating that it! But he knows deep down inside that the only person who can make any difference to his recovery is him, and that's a daunting prospect for anyone...he has done so amazingly well these last few months since the diagnosis that I have to allow him a blip - but just the one; can't let that little devil called Fear in to take over.....
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